Jesus SAVES!!! ;-)

I made it.

After an absolutely insanely busy week, an all-nighter last night (well, ok, fine - I got 2 hours of sleep..), and a 7 hour drive today to Cincinnati today (without a radio!), I am happy -- nay, delighted -- to report that I have made it. I have had to consume more sugar in the last 48 hours than I probably have over the course of the whole semester in order to make it, but it is finished. At least for the next 5 weeks.

Anyway, I am heading to BED now, as it is a little after midnight already and I am running on 2 hours of sleep in the last 2 days, but I wanted to let everyone know that Lynnette and I made it safely to Cincinnati -- PRAISE THE LORD! -- and that I appreciate all your prayers so much. We will be staying here till Sunday with our aunt and uncle and cousins, and then heading the rest of the way down to Kentucky, where we'll be for the remainder of break -- till January 18th. I will be sure to keep you updated as things happen.

With love,
Aaron

slow motion?

Oh my goodness.... it is the last week of the school semester.... the home stretch....... This should be the part where all the runners pick up the pace and give it all they've got till the end, but I feel more like someone has gotten a hold of the remote and put life everything in slow motion... A lot of it has to do with the fact that it is the week of finals and yet I have only one final -- on Wednesday morning. However, I still have several big projects to finish up, so all day today (and most of the day tomorrow) I have been (and will be) sitting in my apartment working on papers, desperately attempting to find the balance between cat naps, work, and distractions to help me avoid cat naps, which if combined correctly, equals optimal focus and efficiency. At least for me...

I'm sure there's some sort of math equation to figure out the averages or the tangent or the square root quotient or whatever so that I know the perfect combination, but I don't like math, so I just follow my heart. And Jesus. (Sometimes He convicts me when I nap too long.) So anyway, that will be my life for the next 3 days or so. That, and also cleaning my apartment spotless for check out and packing everything I own for a month out of town (Although you must understand that everything I own this side of the Atlantic fits into precisely 2 suitcases and 2 medium boxes; I'm a missionary kid -- "packing" is my middle name. Well, basically. Ha.).

Anyway, then Lynnette and I head down to Cincinnati on Friday to stay with our aunt and uncle and cousins for a few days before going the rest of the way down to Lexington, Kentucky on Sunday or Monday to stay with grandmother and grandfather until mom and dad and fam come on the 23rd. I am SO excited to see them again -- it'll have been over a year... :-) Just pray that our car makes it down there in one piece -- it's been giving us some problems recently... I think we'll be ok, though, and once we make it down, dad can help me look at it. Dad knows how to fix everything. :-)

Well, I thought I'd include a picture of the family from last December in Madrid, for those of you who haven't seen us all before. Awww... :-) I'll keep you posted as my week goes on! Peace!

oh, snow...

It is the 1st of December today and there is snow... Everywhere. Last night the weather forecast said that there could be up to 10 inches by morning; we probably got around 6 or 7. And that is about 6 or 7 too much for my liking, ha.

P.S. - My dear friend Brittany always puts up sweet pictures on her blog, so I decided I would too, just so I can be cool too. And it's a picture of snow. Coincidence?? I think not! ;-)

Even though I have lived in Michigan for two years now, sadly, I am still not a huge fan of snow. Actually, that is not entirely true -- I think that snow is ABSOLUTELY beautiful when it falls gently from the sky and fills the air, and if that is all that snow ever did, then I would have no problems with snow, and I would rejoice to see it and throw feasts and sing and dance at its first appearance, but as it is, I am left with mixed feelings... See, snow is nice and beautiful when it is in the air, but as soon as it lands and makes puddles and slosh and mud and makes it so that you can't go anywhere without getting your pant legs soaked up to the knees and makes driving a nightmare and walking a balance act and pant salt stains a curse and outdoor sports an impossibility and campus shortcuts to class inaccessible and every moment of peace into a moment of paranoia at being attacked by one of your "friends," well.....then snow just becomes somewhat of a bother... So I do not thoroughly hate the snow, but......I would also be perfectly content if I never had to walk through more than a slight dusting of it ever again. Unless of course you want to PLAY in the snow, and then you can go to the mountains and enjoy all the snow you want, and then when you get sick of it, you can leave. It really is a perfect system. ;-)

And having said that, although I realize that I am still an amateur when it comes to dealing with snow, I have made another observation: when walking through snow while it's falling, no matter how you try to shield your face with your body or turn from the wind, the snow ALWAYS manages to fly inside your eyes and in your coat collar and down your neck. It is very aggressive that way. Another reason why it is a bother.

Anyway, those are my observations about snow. It seems as if it has decided to set in for the rest of the school year now, so I should probably get used to it, ha. Heck, maybe I'll even try and make the most of it one of these days. ;-)

bloggin'

It just so happens that I have found myself with a rare spare moment of time, and so, in the spirit of procrastination at its finest, I have decided to tend to my much wounded blog. It is in need of immediate attention; the homework isn't due till next week. I think. I would like to think.

Anyway, actually, the reality is that I would NOT like to think about it. So for now, for this brief moment of heavenly rest, at least, I shan't. I say "shan't" because I just finished reading this novel for my 20th Century British lit class called Brideshead Revisited that was set in Victorian elite England in the 1940s, and they say things like "shan't" and "to-night" and "parlour." I'm afraid it has stuck with me...sometimes I speak to myself in my head with a 1940s Victorian elite English accent and sometimes it just slips out... My apologies. ;-)

Well, I just took a break to play foosball with Zach McCabe, and now I can't remember for the devil of me what I was going to say... It is quite vexing. (I can just picture my Victorian elite English friend, Charles, from the novel saying "D---!" in his quaint English accent after the last sentence... Oh dear, maybe I need to put the English accent away for a bit??? Right.)

Anyway, today it is winter here. Not quite like winter in South Dakota right now, as I understand it, but all I know is that on Friday of last week it was 68 degrees, by Saturday morning it was snowing, and by Sunday morning there was snow on the ground. By today it has melted, but it is still raining and quite miserable outside. I am so thankful for a place to be warm.....

As the semester draws closer to an end here (I believe we have 3 and a half weeks left till finals??), things are getting crazier, but it will all get done. Mostly I'm just really excited to see my family in 5 weeks. :-) It's a bitter-sweet time, though, with Bre leaving as well... I'm going to miss her... I'm hoping she ends up in India....that would be an amazing experience for her. :-) God is going to do great things in her life..

Anyway, I should probably wrap this up for now. I'm still frustrated that I can't remember what I was going to write about! lol. If it comes back to me, I'll be back soon! ;-) Blessings, all..

-Aaron

another piece

I have NO homework due tomorrow??? What's this?? Really??? Projects, you might ask? Papers? Exams? Presentations due? Yes, I'm afraid: a-plenty. It IS nearing on the end of the semester after all... But not today (and perhaps most importantly, not tomorrow either!). Haha. Praise the Lord! :-)

Anyway, I'll go ahead and give you a quick run-down of my life over the last few days... On Saturday I went down with my sister to Fort Wayne, IN (about 2 1/2 hours south of GR) to see my aunt (my mom's sister and best friend) and some of our cousins. They all live in KY, but they were up in northern Indiana for a soccer tournament my cousins were in -- the two oldest are a year younger than Lynnette and I. So we went down early Saturday morning, hung out for the day, saw their games, and then headed back up to GR. We almost died on the way back because it was dark and we were just merging highways and I was trying to make sure I was on the right road and Lynnette was asleep, and so I didn't realize how close I was to the guy in front of me.. Suddenly he just swerved WAY off the road, and out of instinct I did the same thing, only to see that we had barely missed hitting a full sized deer carcass in the middle of our lane! It shook me up... There was a lot of traffic and it's a wonder no one was hurt... I thanked God the whole way back..

Then Sunday we went to church as usual with Bre and Cynthia, but after church we surprised Breana (well, kinda) and took her out for her half-birthday since she'll be gone for her real birthday next spring. We were going to take her out to this sweet orchard place that Cynthia knew about, but Cynthia called me on Sunday morning really upset because she found out they had closed for winter the DAY BEFORE! We had been planning this for over 2 weeks... ::sigh:: So we had to think fast and after church we just decided to go out for pizza at Pizza Hut since that's one of Bre's favorites. Turns out it was a good choice. ;-) She's the best.. :-)

Then yesterday was Monday and today is Tuesday. Ha. Nothing too incredibly special... Yesterday was kinda rotten for me just because of little things adding up and it carried through to this morning, putting me in a bad mood for most of the day, but I'm feeling fine tonight. I just got back from the hospital visiting a good friend of mine, Paul Davison. He goes with me and my roommate every Wednesday morning at 5am to our men's prayer meeting from church. He's a solid guy. Anyway, he broke his cheek bone in a game of IM football last week, and had surgery today and was in the hospital all day, so I went to see him. It was an adventure getting there -- what should have taken me 15 minutes to find took me 50 minutes -- partly because of a detour that got me turned around and partly because I don't know my RIGHT from my LEFT, apparently. ::sigh:: Ha. I found it eventually, though, and he was doing well. He could hardly talk because he was so drugged up, but he was cracking jokes the whole time.. I love that guy. :-)

Then the rest of this week is pretty low-key for me, except that all of my classes got canceled on Friday, so I'm planning to go see the women's soccer game in Detroit against Madonna. It could be their last this season... It should be fun to watch. I've never been to Detroit either, so I'm sure that'll be crazy..

Anyway, that's what I've been up to. It seems like a crazy topic came up in one of my classes the other day that I was like, "I'm going journal about that," but I can't seem to remember what it was... I need to start writing those things down.... If I do remember, even sometime this week, I'll be back! ;-) For tonight, I shall say good night -- now it's time for my nightly tradition (that started about 3 days ago, haha) of getting cozy in the corner of my small room with a cushion and a blanket and reading while sipping some Arizona sweet tea. ;-)

I'm praying for all of you Brendsels and you too, Paul Davison...

Mad love,
Aaron

resurrection

Ok, self, we're doing this thing. Enough procrastinating. Enough excuses. I've got 20 minutes before my next class... ready? Go! haha.

Craziness. That's the word that keeps coming back to mind when I think about the last...week and a half? Something like that? Two weeks ago I spent my whole weekend working on a research paper for my 20th Century British Lit. class (I spent over 25 hours on it in 2 and a half days), and as a result, had to neglect several assignments for my other classes. I spent all of last week doing "double duty" trying to catch up. I'm still not quite there. Praise the Lord, though, the list grows shorter every day!

Then this weekend was crazy too. All day Saturday morning I spent watching the women's soccer game against our cross-town rivals Aquinas College. It was a good game. We probably should have won, but ended up with a 1-1 tie and our goal off a penalty, so I suppose we should be happy with the result... It was fun to watch. It was also FREEZING and raining the whole time. Haha, I wish you could have been there sometime after the 2nd half started to see myself and my 3 guy friends all huddled under 1 very soiled, very large, very old umbrella that Cynthia found for us under the stands(??). Haha, good times. :-)

That night I went with Breana to her team's Halloween event, "pick-a-date." It was sweet. Ha. The women from the women's team each ask a date to the event and then each couple has to dress up crazy. Last year we all met and split up into groups of 4 and did a picture scavenger hunt; this year we all met at Jess's house for a Halloween party, including some crazy pumpkin carving. Haha, I'll have to put up a few pictures when I can get my hands on some -- I forgot my camera in the car, so all the evidence is on Breana's camera. I'll save telling you what we dressed up as until you can see the pictures, haha. Oh, and by the way, we won the best costume prize. ;-)

Then Sunday I had the privilege of going to an all African-American church downtown for my Diverse Populations class. It was only my second experience in such a church (I was 5 years old for my first...), but I really enjoyed it. It was funny -- our whole class of 20 white, middle class Cornerstone students were there, sitting in the 3 rows reserved for us in the very front of the church, and during the worship, I turned to see the WHOLE sanctuary swaying and singing, and then turned back to see our group -- singing loudly -- but still as statues. Hahaha, cracked me up!! As my disclaimer, however, I normally do a bit of swaying myself when I sing, so I didn't feel TOO out of place, but it still made me laugh. The feeling of being the only white people in a very distinct cultural atmosphere was actually refreshing for me. That was my life for the 8 years that I lived in Spain... It felt like home. Except for the fact that I had to remind myself that here, everyone actually spoke English. :-)

Anyway, and that leaves me at today -- 2 minutes late to my next class with a LONG night of homework ahead of me and another early morning tomorrow... Blah. God, give me strength. :-) More to come!

imago dei

I've been reading a book called "We Can't Teach What We Don't Know" for my educational Diverse Populations class this weekend, and last night I read a section on a social theory called "Minimal Group Paradigm." I don't know if you've heard of this idea, but it's a secular social theory based on several studies that basically asserts that human beings are prone to discriminate against each other, essentially creating invisible social hierarchies in which one group is superior to another. In this book, this theory is applied mostly in the context of racism and racial dominance, as difference in skin color is an easy difference to recognize, making it easier for people to separate into groups based on appearance.

However, the author gave another example of a time when he went to a small town in rural New York to give a multicultural seminar to the student bodies of the two public high schools there. According to the author, the two schools were "virtually indistinguishable demographically, [but] the students from one seemed to invest a great deal of energy in perpetuating a stereotype of students from the other school as 'a bunch of hicks.'" The author decided to play on this during his seminar, and soon found the students in heated arguments concerning the "degrees of hickness" of each group. Here, minimal group paradigm holds true even without the help of skin color to distinguish between the groups -- we humans are "pre-disposed" to discriminate, and if there is no basis for racial discrimination (as in this example), we will find another way!

Why do we revert to this?

I honestly believe Don Miller was right when he proposed that this problem goes back to the Fall and something that happened to our "humanness" in the severing of our relationship from our Creator when Adam and Eve first disobeyed God. Don Miller believes that humans were originally created to receive their affirmation from God -- it was their Creator who named them and walked with them and confirmed their beauty and purpose, and they were originally so connected and so confident in their purpose that there was no such thing as "low self-esteem" (to the point that Adam and Eve walked around naked and knew no shame). Humans were not originally created to compare themselves to one another -- comparison has only come about as a result of the broken connection between us and God and people's need to find their worth in how they measure up to others. And it is this hole in each of us -- this need to be affirmed and valued and loved -- that we somehow twist, not to fill with God's love, but with finding our value by our ranking in our social ladder.

So we create these invisible social hierarchies to validate ourselves and fill our "God-shaped holes." We are drawn to "fashionable" clothes to fit in, we play sports to determine the "best" teams, we align ourselves with social stereotypes (nerds, athletes, drama people, etc) to find community, and we work literally around the clock to quench our insatiable greed and desire buy our way to fame and popularity. Everything we do stems from our deep-rooted desire to be loved and accepted, and yet once we reach that point, it seems that we turn around and degrade the next person, separating ourselves from him or her for the mere purpose of raising ourselves higher.

It all makes me SO angry, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how embarrassingly guilty I am of perpetuating this sickness.... God, have mercy!

I'm just fascinated that what I thought to be a "Christian sociological hypothesis" formulated by Don Miller actually has an existing parallel theory in secular sociology -- even non-Christians recognize this aspect of human brokenness!! They just don't know the whole picture...

I know that I've written about this before, but I just find this whole idea so compelling, because it truly is a sickness, not only of humanity as a whole, but especially in the Western world -- the same Western world that cries "Freedom! Progress! Education!" as the saving ideals for humanity -- the same Western (and might I add "Christianized"??) world that looks down on (again with the comparisons!) cultures with actual social hierarchies in place, like that of India, and see ourselves as culturally advanced and supreme as a result. But then I think of what Jesus said in the gospels -- "If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If, then, the light within you is really darkness, how great is that darkness!" Because that is the thing about self-deception -- you don't know that you are being deceived...

Are we really any better off than the Indian culture, then, simply because we have not legitimized the invisible hierarchies we have already set in place in our culture? I realize that the hierarchical system in India is a HUGE evil and great tragedy, and I do not mean to trivialize it by comparing it to our invisible hierarchies in the Western world, but I simply mean to point out that we are no better off! We are just as lost, just as sick, and embarrassingly, twice as hypocritical, because I am afraid that our "light" is actually darkness in disguise...

God, have mercy on us... Root your children in your perfect love, so that we will be "complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." May your love overflow in us and through us into the broken lives of the people around us, so that you will be given glory in all things -- in our lives and in our world.

happiness

Words just don't do it much justice... :-D

-Aaron J

global opportunities???

It's always so interesting to me how college life seems to come in spurts of "Fridays." It's not like the rest of the week isn't filled with excitement and work and life-giving experiences, but...there's just something about Fridays. Something about knowing that your work is done for a time and that you don't have to worry about what needs to be done or what you "should" be doing. There is time to read, time to chill in the Corum, time to observe, time to enjoy just for the sake of enjoying it. Time to journal..... ;-) Sometimes I can't wait until the day when we find ourselves back in Eden...living life in the fullness of our new bodies and in the overwhelming light of the Father's amazing love... One day we will see face to face... :-)

But all that to say that I'm loving life right now. It has its ups and downs (last night being one such "down" -- I worked on a paper all night until about 3am..blah) and I have my fits of mood swings and attitudes, but overall I really couldn't be more content or feel any more blessed. :-)

It was Global Opportunities Week here at Cornerstone this week, and that has really got me thinking about some things, particularly about my future and the call that I have felt on my life since my senior year of high school to serve Christ overseas. I've had a wide mix of feelings and thoughts on that subject throughout the week, but most of them have centered around my anxiousness about the whole thing. It's not that I've started doubting my passion for serving overseas or knowing God's calling to this area, but it's just been a general vague feeling of being overwhelmed...of not knowing where to start...when to start....what I should be doing to prepare to start... And I guess just a general fear that this will all turn out to be another dream (if there's one thing I know about myself, it's that's I am a dreamer, an idealist, and a romantic; I'm one of the best "brainstormers" you'll ever meet, but I struggle on the practical end of things many times...) and never something I will actually take hold of and take initiative in to actually make happen. And I don't want that. I don't want my dream to serve to end up being an empty wish. I struggle believing whether I trust myself to follow through; maybe that's what it boils down to. I never want to become "comfortable" with being "comfortable;" that is one of my greatest fears.

So for now I'm praying, I'm examining myself, and I'm trusting Him to complete His work in me until it is accomplished. I know that as long as my desire is to please and glorify my Father, He will do in me and use me the way He intends. It hasn't been a week of worry or stress in this sense, it's just been in the back of my mind... and it's been good. It's been a good week. :-)

humbled

I know I've probably told most people by now, but earlier this week (specifically, on Thursday, September 25th, at approximately 12:38pm) God just showered me with His blessing. I am so humbled.

It happened on Thursday afternoon. Breana and I had just gotten out of Linguistics class, and we were walking to the Student Union to kill 20 minutes before I had to run off to work and she had class, and since I hadn't checked my mail in a day or two, I decided to stop by real quick to see if anything had come in. I opened my box quickly, only half glancing inside, completely expecting not to find anything, but there were three envelopes inside. For a second, I got real excited until I flipped them over and noticed they looked like bills. Awesome. In a gesture of disappointed disgust, I shoved them into my backpack and walked the rest of the way to the lounge area with Bre.

When we got there we found a seat to put our stuff on, and as she walked over to the coffee place to get a drink, I grabbed my mail and followed her over, flipping through the envelopes. One was a checking account statement from my bank, the other one was some letter from the bank that handles my school loans, and the third was from Cornerstone....which was kinda weird...because I wasn't expecting anything from them. Curious, I opened it up while I waited and pulled out a statement listing all of my scholarships and my balance for the rest of the semester. No big deal, I had received several of these. My eyes skimmed over it, and I almost tossed it in the trash until a thought struck me: why would they send me another one of these statements unless something had changed? I immediately got anxious and frantically skimmed the page, trying to figure out what was missing or what was different.

And then I saw it.

Hidden in the middle of the list were these three words:

Men's Soccer Scholarship -- $1,500

I almost choked. When Bre looked over to see what was wrong, all I could do was hand her the letter and stand there, eyes wide and mouth open. Doubtless I was drooling some too. I didn't care.

For those of you who missed the hype, I've been praying hard for about a month now about my financial situation here at Cornerstone. Basically, with my sister in school too now, my parents have been unable to help me out financially as much as they have in the past, and with a car and a cell phone now, my expenditures have gone up a little as well, and the bottom line is that I didn't know how I'd make ends meet this semester without making some drastic changes or taking out more loans (as a VERY last resort..). I had talked to my coach about it in May, and he had promised to help me out (I've played soccer for Cornerstone for 2 years now, done everything coach has ever asked me to, and haven't received anything. And that's been ok...until now.), but a week after school started he told me he couldn't. I was devastated and confused. It would mean I would have to quit soccer to look for a job, and I had already been through pre-season; I had put in too much for that now.

So I prayed. Hard.

A week later I went to our Athletic Director asking if there was anything he could do to help me. He gave me a speech about how it was bad timing since school had already started and that he didn't think he'd be able to do much, but that he'd try. I left heavy hearted. A week later I checked back in with him and he said he hadn't gotten around to anything yet and that he'd let me know if anything changed. Two more weeks passed without any word, and I was just talking about quitting, like I should have done a month ago, so I'd be able to pay my next bill.

I thought about finally quitting on Tuesday. On Wednesday the varsity team had a game and every single eligible defender got to dress except for me. I was down to my last emotional thread. And then on Thursday, September 25th, at 12:38pm, He lifted me out of the pit. Just like that. And I have been so humbled.... He is mighty to save, and with His right arm He protects His children. My broken cup overflows....

PRAISE THE LORD!

some scattered thoughts...

Where does all the time go? I am now 2 full years into my college experience, and I am fully convinced that time does indeed speed up sometime after the summer of your graduating year of high school, ha! The days just aren't as long anymore... Well....except for Mondays. ;-)

Another thing that I have realized that is quite sad is that in all of my business, it seems that I have nothing exciting to write about. Which, besides being disappointing for you (as the reader), I'm sure, it was also very depressing for me when I realized it, oh...about 5 minutes ago. A whole week has gone by and I have no deep thoughts, no inspiring moments, no introspective, life-changing ideas to share?? What kind of sad existence is that??? What is the point if I am not growing, serving, being challenged, and learning new things? Unfortunately, I believe I have fallen into some small slump of "Comfortability" recently. Not that life has been easy or boring for me over the last 2 weeks, by any means at all (in fact, it has been quite the opposite: busy, stressful, and most tiring, although it has also definitely had its ups), but it's more that I feel like I have fallen into a life of routines recently, which greatly saddens me and has left me feeling somewhat restless. I need a new challenge. Which I think is a good thing, for the most part. You need to feel that way every once in a while; it's healthy.

The problem is, I don't exactly know how to fix it. Initially I thought that if I sought out some more ways to become involved in my immediate communities, that would provide some more opportunities for growth. So I started attending a 6am men's prayer group from my church on Wednesday mornings, I signed up to work in the nursery at church every other Sunday or so, and soon I will be joining another church Bible study/prayer group. And I already lead a small group at school, work 15 hours a week, have classes, and am on the men's soccer team. Makes me tired just thinking about it!

But it's only been tonight that I just started wondering if maybe greater involvement isn't necessarily the key to this growth and change of pace and fullness of life that I so desperately crave right now. Something deep down inside seems to be whispering that adding more things to an already crammed to-do list probably isn't going to give me the relief and fulfillment that I'm looking for, even if I am doing them with a pure heart and an honest desire to serve and love and grow...

So where does that leave me? I don't know. I honestly just worked all this out in my head right now. And maybe that in itself all I need to add to my hectic schedule: some time set aside every day for reflection and prayer and goal-setting. I already have a time set aside in the morning for a devotional and some prayer, but maybe the key to making sense of everything is just adding in some extra time to be still? I guess it can never hurt to try... :-)

Starry Nights

Here's another poem I wrote this week, this time for my creative writing class. It's really nothing deep, just a picture of a memory... When I lived in Spain I used to love to take walks at night on this dirt road through the wheat fields behind our house. It was so peaceful, and we were out in the country, so you could see all the stars....one of my favorite memories from my childhood... :-)

I remember those nights,

Those clear, starry nights,

Walking down the long dirt road

That wanders through infinite fields of grain

Behind our house.

Heat would rise from the rocks beneath my feet

In shudders, now released

Into the soft, cool breeze

That washes over the gentle hills,

Soothing the earth,

Laying all to rest,

Swirling, brushing my face

With a whisper.

My eyes gaze up;

You are never alone with the stars.

Hands, extended, brush meek heads of harvest

On either side of the road,

As tall, slender shafts

Sway, bowing low,

Now dancing for the starry hosts above,

Wild waves swelling,

Rushing over ripened fields,

Singing to the rhythmic pulse

Of a grand insectile symphony.

the gift of sight

It's Friday again. Everyone take a deep breath; we made it. :-) God is good, the sun is still shining (even if it has been behind the clouds for the last few days...), the birds are still singing, and we have been given another beautiful day of life. What a blessing!

Sometimes it's so easy to get sucked into the little things.... I am constantly praying that God would just open my eyes and make me into a man who always sees the big picture, no matter what the circumstances. It makes me think of that story in 2 Kings where Elisha's servant wakes up one morning only to discover that the whole city is surrounded by a foreign army and he wakes up Elisha scared to death, but Elisha tells him not to worry, and is like, "there are more on our side than on theirs!" Whenever I read that story, I can just picture the two of them -- a frightened young boy and a wise old man -- up on the high walls of the city, looking out over a terrible force encamed around them, with the morning sun peaking over the hills, setting the sky ablaze, and then Elisha prays, "Oh Lord, open his eyes!" And immediately the boy sees the vast, fiery army of God surrounding their enemies.... That's how I want to be.

I want to see.

August 1st? Is that really the last time I was on here?? Dang.... Ha. Life has just been so busy lately; we're already done with our first week of school! Crazy...

Where to start? So much has happened since August 1st! Our trip to Montana with the soccer team was absolutely nuts, but SUCH a cool experience and such good times. I'll never forget that trip. Ha, 35+ hours straight on a bus will do that to you. ;-) But it was good -- our team is so different this year from anything it has ever been in the past -- namely, unified, ha. There's just a good vibe this year... People can actually talk to each other, the cliques have disappeared, and guys are just honest and willing to work and learn; I can actually say that I'm proud to be a part of our team this year. And we're 2-0 so far. ;-)

Then we had 2 weeks of preseason, which was fairly brutal, but actually wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. It was just SO time-consuming, and every minute you weren't on the field, you were just SO tired... But we made it. For the last 3 days of preseason, though, I had to be excused because I had training for my leadership position this year. That went well, but again, I was in class for almost 10 hours every day, and it was pretty brutal -- in a very different way. But the training was very helpful, and I'm glad I took the time to do it.

Then, my friends....school started. Haha. But so far classes have gone well. I am actually pretty excited about my Diverse Populations class, my 20th Century British Literature class (particularly because my professor is an brilliant and amazing man), and my Creative Writing class (despite the fact that this professor has been somewhat monotone and dull in his teaching). It'll be an interesting year, I think, as far as classes go.

And then there's my social life, ha. There's too much for me to go into detail about the last month, almost, but I'll give you some highlights. First of all, I moved in with my 3 roommmates (Darren, Jordan, and Caleb) this month, and so far that has been awesome. It's a good group, and we get along well. We're actually still in the process of arranging furniture and unpacking and all...it's getting there. Secondly, I am in a different dorm this year, so that has brought up some new issues (such as a new 10 minute commute to the middle of campus), but I'm living with a lot of the same guys as I was in Quincer, so that's been sweet. "It's not about where you are, but who you're with..." That's a good one. :-)

Last of all, there are a couple of things I could use prayer for, specifically, if you think about it... First of all, a new issue has just come up in the last few days about my financial situation (namely, I might not be getting a scholarship that I had been counting on -- I'll know by Wednesday), and it might mean that I would need to quit the soccer team for this semester to look for more work... And that's just a real burden right now -- this is the first year that I'm excited to be a part of this team, and I've already put so much time and work into this season that I would hate to throw it away.... But I've put that in God's hands, and I trust that He knows what's best. Pray that I would get this scholarship, if it's God's will, and if not, that He would provide another way. But especially pray that God would give me the faith and joy I need to not let worry consume me, and that in all things I would seek His kingdom first.

Secondly, just pray that I would have wisdom in my leadership position this year. As part of my position, I'm supposed to lead a small group, and I'm still trying to decide what we'll study and how we'll run that, so I could definitely use the direction and wisdom of the Holy Spirit in the next few weeks as I establish those routines and get to know the guys in my group.

And finally, please pray that I would keep my focus this semester. It's so easy to get lost in the business and excuses and social life and studies during the year, and I just really need Jesus right now. Pray that I would keep the big picture in mind always, and that I wouldn't allow the daily details to clutter my mind. Pray that God would give me peace. Pray that God would give me wisdom in my relationships. Pray that I would be aware of His love and that I would live it out every day in all that I do.

Anyway, sorry this letter is a little more newsie and less contemplative and interesting than usual, but I promise to make a better effort at keeping this up-to-date and posting cool things and deep thoughts and all in the future. Hopefully things will settle down a bit after this week. (But of course we know that probably won't happen... ha) Thanks for caring and for all your prayers! :-)

Love,
Aaron

The time has come. Tomorrow marks the end of my summer at camp and the transition back to school. By 10pm tomorrow night I'll be on a bus with 43 of my CU soccer teammates headed out to Montana for a week of pre-season training and "team-get-to-know-you" time. I'm looking forward to it. I haven't had the most awesome experience on this team over the last 2 years, but now I'm finally at a place where I have some good friends on the team, I actually feel competent and confident on the field, I might even be getting some scholarship this year, and I'm actually starting to look forward to this season. It's a good feeling. :-)

And also I'm in shape this year -- BEFORE pre-season. haha. Which is a HUGE step for me; I think this is the first summer ever that I have actually made it a point to exercise hard regularly, and stuck to it, and it's paid off. Although coach has said this is going to be the hardest pre-season he's ever put together... So the other day a friend and I were talking and I told him, "You know that if you don't do anything over the summer, you're going to die during pre-season, but you also know that even if you work your butt off this summer, you're still going to die during pre-season." haha. Doesn't really offer that much incentive to work, huh? ;-)

And just in general I'm coming into this year with some big changes in my life: my sister Lynnette is here, I'll be living in the apartments for the first time, I'll be a DC, I'm getting a new job, I'm starting my junior year, (which I hear is pretty rough), one of my best friends is leaving for 6 months, and my family will be here for the whole spring.

To be completely honest, I'm pretty scared about this year. I think it has the potential to be one of the best years of my life, but I feel like it could just as easily be pretty miserable. There are a lot of unknowns...

But if there's one thing God has taught me this summer, it is how awesome of a loving Father he is, and how much he wants us not to worry about these things. Philippians 4:6-7 has, in many ways, become my "theme" verse for the summer... I've read it so many times over the last 3 months, that I know it from memory now: "Do not worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Then the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." What an amazing promise. I've clung to that this summer so many times, and every time I start to worry, I pray that promise.

And actually, the next two verses after that -- the ones about "whatever is pure, whatever is noble...think about such things" is in the context of this last verse! I've always put the "whatever is pure" verse in the context of lust and entertainment, mainly, but God has come to show me this summer that obsessing and worrying about the future is just as sinful a mentality and lifestyle as entertaining lustful thoughts, for example. And I've come to see that it's something that I struggle with hardcore. But God is so faithful, and I can honestly say that every time I have turned to him, confessed my thoughts, and asked for his peace, he has given me all that I need and more. Praise the Lord!! :-)

~~~

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever!"

Kids these days... :-D

So this summer, having the youngest kids at camp, I thought it would be sweet to make a collection of all the funny things my campers said. Sad to say, I think I only managed to jot down about half of all the great things that came out of their crazy little orifices, but I did manage to preserve a sampling...

In the words of Jack Handey, "The face of a child can say it all... Especially the mouth part of the face."

Please enjoy. ;-)


KID 1: “Hey, everybody pick a power, ok? Like, electric, rock, fire…”
KID 2: “Ok!! I pick lasers!!!”
KID 1: “No, you can’t pick lasers -- that’s a superpower!”

ME: “You know my favorite Shrek character? I like Puss in Boots!”
KID: “Yeah! I loved the part where he made the 4 on the tree!!”
KID2: “It wasn’t a 4; it was a P!”
KID: “Nuh-uh!!! Why would he draw a P??”

(After going around the room on the first day of camp and saying everyone's name...) KID: “I think we should name our floor…”
ME: “That’s a BRILLIANT idea! What should we name it??
KID2: “Ummmmmm, darth vader!!”
KID3: “How about Steve?”
ME: "Hahaha, STEVE! That's amazing!! Yes, that will be his name."
KID4: “Haha, oh Steve, you’re so dirty!!” (This came out of the mouth of a 7 year old...)

KID: “Ummm, where is Spiderman from anyway?”
KID2: “Isn’t he from New York?”
KID: “No, I thought he was from Ohio…”

ME: “So today our theme is ‘having a pure heart.’ Who can tell me what purity means?”
One small hand shoots up in the air on the front row, and I call on him, when he suddenly hesitates and responds: “Wait…puberty??”

KID (dragging another very confused kid to me by the hand and shouting and pointing excitedly): “Hey!! Counselor!! He’s a Mexican!!!”

KID (Screaming bloody murder): “AARON!!!!!!!!! JONNY'S THROWING SPIDERS AT ME!!!!!"

KID: “Aaron, guess what?? I’m already an uncle – I had a grandson three weeks ago!”

KID (After trying to compromise with me for an hour about being able to stay up on the first night of camp...): "Well, how about this? Tonight can we stay up until we fall asleep?” To which I smiled inwardly and gladly replied, "Ummmmmmmmm, yes."

KID: “Aaron!!! Jakob’s growling at me for no reason!!”

KID: “Aaron, if you don’t come back next year, I’m gonna spam your computer!!” (This came from an 11 year old... I couldn't help but wonder if this was the new generation's way of bullying??? Instead of "Give me your milk money or I'll sock you in the face," it must be something akin to "Let me play your PSP or I'll spam your e-mail account!!" Curious...)


Yes, it was a very adventuresome summer indeed. ;-D

when the truth will offend...

I was reading this book, Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Barton, today, and the chapter on confession brought to mind another issue that I've been struggling through for the longest time -- probably since last October... And that is this: the line between being open and honest with people while still observing social unspoken laws of appropriateness.

I don't know if that made any sense to you, though, so I'll try again. See, there is a small part of me (especially as a Christian) that believes that it is critical to be open and honest with people. Always. That if you are offended by someone's actions, or if you were blessed by someone, or if you have suggestions for improvement, or if you just can't stand someone's particular mannerisms, that you should tell them -- delicately and lovingly and as encouragingly as possible, but that you should still tell them. How can we expect to function efficiently as a body if we hold back our thoughts and feelings? (I'm preaching to myself here - I think I am the worst person in the world at this.) I feel like so often SO many of us are holding our negative (and positive!) opinions to ourselves, and if we don't like something or someone, we just stay away. And probably gossip about it some, none of which actually helps to solve any problems. And when I look at Jesus, it doesn't seem like he lived like that at all -- he was constantly telling the disciples that their faith was too small and the pharisees that their religion was empty and worthless and that Judas was a devil and that he was the King of the Jews -- and he never even tried to make it sound remotely nice or encouraging or uplifting. Or is that not what "telling the truth in love" means? He was just blunt. It seems like he kept nothing a secret. ....or did he?

Because then there's the other side of the coin. The side that says to live at peace with each other as much as it depends on you. And even though I feel like I should be more open with people, I always talk myself out of it when it comes right down to it, because, well, I guess it feels more safe to err on this side. And I'm ashamed to say it, but I'm scared to death of taking risks. Especially when it comes to relationships. Relationships are everything to me, and I can't stand risking even one over a stupid opinion of mine that, 1) is probably based out of selfish motives and therefore invalid, and 2) that I could have just as easily kept to myself, swallowed my pride and selfishness, and moved on. It's been years since I've seen Bambi, but I still remember that line from Thumper: "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." And I've always thought that was a brilliant rule to live by. I just always said nice things and kept the bad things to myself. And it worked like a charm. Until recently. Because now I see that relationships must be founded on openness and honesty or they'll never go very far. But I still feel like "Thumper's Rule" holds truth as well -- why should we be saying things that are not nice to each other? Shouldn't all of our talk be wholesome and edifying for each other? Shouldn't everything we say serve to build each other up? And so if you KNOW that someone will react defensively and will most likely be offended by even a kind bit of constructive criticism, should you still tell them, or no?

Because sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes there is simply no nice way to put it. And that's coming from an idealist at heart -- a year ago I would have told you that there is always a nice way to put anything. That offense is mainly given, not taken. (Which is a whole other debate.) I don't know that I believe that anymore. In fact, I think that now I'd say the opposite. So then what?

Where's the line? If the truth will hurt someone, should you still tell them? Does it just depend? I think THOSE are the main 2 questions I'm trying to ask. Should we always be honest, or is there "a time for everything under the sun" -- including secret opinions about people? It's all very confusing to me, and I hate thinking about it, to be honest -- mostly because I don't have any answers and I always end up going in the same circles. It would make for a good conversation, though. I'm always ready for a good conversation. :-)

deep thoughts?

I believe that I am in the beginning stages of developing a theory on life -- particularly communication. This is something that has constantly been on my mind since this last April or May. I'm sure this idea is most likely not original with me, but it's something that I came up with on my own and have been refining and testing for the last few months.

And here is my idea: that perhaps even as high as up to 90% of all interpersonal interaction between people is based off of some sort of misunderstanding or inaccurate, premature judgments made without all the necessary information.

And I don't even know if that's a good way to sum it up. I'm working on it. But here's the thought: that MOST of the time, most interaction and communication between people leads to judgments being made about the other person. Judgments about their attitude, their personality, their intentions, their sincerity, their respectability, their trustworthiness... the list goes on. And on. Because like Don Miller so brilliantly pointed out, we humans are obsessed with comparing ourselves to one another. Just look at fashion, trends, peer pressure, competition (the whole point of sports is to compare two sides to see which is better) -- EVERYTHING we do and say is wrapped around this idea that every person wants to be accepted and loved, and the way we gauge that is through comparison -- if I'm better than he/she, more people will like me.

Anyway, I just take that a step farther, because one day it hit me -- if everyone's trying so hard to be accepted, how come some people come across as or are known as jerks/awkward/nerds/crazy/over-the-top/attention-seekers/etc, etc? If everyone is acting in the way that they think will bring them the most love and acceptance, why does it not seem that way? And I concluded that it's because of misunderstandings and premature judgments.

Because I truly believe that everyone is looking for acceptance and love above and beyond anything else. Whether they'll admit to it or not.

But if I perceive my humor to be funny, but someone else finds it offensive, that's a type of misunderstanding, right? Because the intent was to humor -- to bring positive attention and a feeling of acceptance. Or if I perceive my happy-go-lucky personality to be uplifting and encouraging, but someone else sees it as inauthentic and an attempt to hide my true self, then there is another misunderstanding. And it seems dumb, but this is how we end up with enemies so often! We see someone's actions or hear their words and make subconscious (or conscious!) judgments about their intents, and end up with a premature opinion of them that was lower than what the first person wanted you to have.

This happens in communication all the time too -- if you pass an acquaintance in the hall and say Hi, but they don't reply, you might take offense, pass them up as being self-centered, arrogant, or rude, when really they may simply be in shock because they just lost their job or because of a phone call saying a close family member was sick. And yet because of that, you don't speak to them next time, then they think you hate them for no reason, so they return the favor, and now you both hate each other for an absurd reason. And then when you add gossip on top of that -- "I never knew ______ was so rude! Yesterday when I passed him, he..."

I think I understand more now why God is so big on cutting out gossip, slander, controlling the tongue, and loving people -- only God knows the heart. People just want to be accepted. They want to be loved. And sometimes they're immature in how they go about seeking it, but we've all been there, and if we know what people truly want, then it transforms the way we view their actions -- the sarcastic people are sarcastic, not because they're filled with bitterness and anger, but because they maybe want to stand out -- and the nerds are nerds, not because they actually believe that dragons and magic are real, but maybe because it's their escape from a cruel world that won't give them a second chance -- and the happy-go-lucky people are happy, not necessarily because they're wearing a mask, but maybe because they figure being happy and loving is the best way to get others to love you back -- and the show offs show off, not because they honestly think they're all that great, but maybe because they've believed the lie that you are the sum of what you do, and so if you cannot perform and impress, then you are nothing. And it goes on.

So next time you have a negative thought about someone, or next time someone rubs you the wrong way, think about that. And try to approach that situation and figure that person out STARTING with the assumption that they DESPERATELY want to be accepted, they desperately need unconditional love, and whether they admit it or not, they need you. That the intention in their action was to preserve peace -- not make an enemy. Why do we always assume the negative first? Give people the benefit of the doubt... Trust. Forgive. Move on. Nothing in life is a coincidence if life rests in the hands of a sovereign God -- you had the experience you had with that person for a reason -- the only responsibility that you have is what you'll do with it and how you will chose to respond.

You know the rest.

It all comes back to love...

To be known fully... and to be loved anyway. I truly believe that is every person's deepest desire -- whether they're fully aware of it or not.

I don't know why, but that phrase has just kept coming back to me all day today... To be known fully, and to be loved anyway... And then there's the converse for us as Christians -- to love wholly and unconditionally, no matter how much you know someone.

...such simple phrases, and yet such deep, hard, and often such stressful truths.... But it all comes back to love.

"Clean"

Hot water falls gently,
Cascading on my face,
One fleeting moment now preserved,
Lost in inner space.
Steam, in swirls, rises,
As rushing water fills my mind,
And a thousand droplets drizzle
Down, leaving lazy trails behind.
Down, Down, Down,
And all is washed away,
As tired bones and anxious thoughts
All softly, slowly fade...


I love showers... ;-)

South and Back

What a great weekend! :-) This last Thursday, Lynnette and I left GR early to head down to Beersheba Springs, Tennessee (between Nashville and Knoxville) for a "family" reunion. We actually took 2 days to get down there so we could visit our other grandparents on the way down, so we were actually in TN from Friday morning through Sunday morning, and it was SO good.

Strange as it may sound, the reunion was actually my dad's high school reunion. My dad grew up in Brazil and attended a really small boarding school there, and for as long as I can remember (with a few exceptions) every 2 years the alumni and their families have met at Beersheba Springs Methodist Conference Center in central Tennessee for this reunion. A lot of the people there are family -- all my aunts and uncles and cousins on my dad's side come, but everyone else are close family friends -- people my dad grew up with and whose kids are just as close to me as siblings or cousins. It was totally worth the $150 and 14 hour drive see everybody, even if only for 2 days. :-)

The conference center itself is a really neat place -- on the top of a mountain in the Appalachians, with dormitories, a gym, and a cafeteria and a beautiful lookout over the valley. It was so refreshing to be in the mountains again... It's been over 4 years since I was in the Appalachians last... Too long. For some reason it always just feels like home...

My favorite part about being there, though, besides seeing everyone, are the intense, traditional soccer and volleyball games. All these people grew up in Brazil, and so we always have several good soccer games (I think we played 4 games in 2 days. lol), and I don't know how volleyball got started, but that's pretty intense as well... SO much fun! :-D And then there are the simple things -- staying up all night with all the kids on the last night, the good talks at the lookout with people, the ABUNDANCE of sweet tea, the southern cooking, the traditional 4 square championship, and swimming at the swimming hole in the freezing creek on the side of the mountain. Good times...

It's just good to get away sometimes, and I think I really needed that. It made me thankful. But I've always known that I was thankful....but this weekend I FELT thankful...and there was so much peace... My family is SO amazing, and God has been SO faithful. And the more I've thought about it this weekend, the more I've come to see how fundamental gratitude is to living a Christ-like life. It all starts and ends with a thankful heart. If we aren't thankful, or can't find it in us to be thankful, our attitudes are already in the wrong place, and how can God's love shine through us then? So I've started taking a few minutes at the beginning of every day now, just sitting and thinking of all the ways I've been blessed and just being thankful. God is so good! And I can't think of a better way to start my day... :-)

To: Dad

This week I've got eleven 6 and 7 year olds, and let's just say they have a rough time settling down and going to sleep at night. It's a routine that regularly takes me about 3 and a half hours, ha. Anyway, tonight I thought I'd do something different, and instead of talking over them to try to get them to be quiet, I just sat in a chair in the corner of the room and sang quietly. They were out in 30 minutes. :-) I sang songs that I haven't heard in probably over 10 years... Songs dad used to sing to us when he was tucking us in at night when we were little...

I love this song:

Jesus, Jesus,
There's just something about that name...
Jesus, Jesus,
All of heaven and earth proclaim.
Kings and kingdoms will all pass away,
But there's something about that name...

My dad used to sing that one to us. Along with songs like "The Old Rugged Cross," and "God Answers Prayer," and "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." Those were the days.... Laying in the bottom bunk in my pajamas after a hot bath, in the room I shared with my sister, after having listened to dad read a chapter from The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and just listening to dad sing softly to us as we fell asleep. And I still remember those songs.....after over 10 years...

And after singing those songs tonight, I came to 2 conclusions: 1) that my dad is the greatest man that I've ever known, and 2) that one day I hope I can sing those same songs to my kids. And if I can be half as good a dad one day as my dad has been over the last 20 years, then I'll consider myself one of the most blessed men alive.

Was Jesus ever confused??

A unique thought occurred to me today while I was taking a shower.... (Which, by the way, is one of the best places to go if you need to think -- second only to the toilet, IMHO...) Anyway, I was thinking about something I had talked to one of my campers about earlier today, about God being able to sympathize with us in every situation because he was here. He was human. But then this thought just kinda jumped at me: Has God ever experienced confusion? ......Was Jesus ever confused? Because that's definitely not the picture you get of Jesus from reading the gospels -- even though people sometimes had a hard time understanding his motives or reasoning for things he did (like when he decided to wait before visiting Lazarus when he knew he was sick), he always had motives. He always knew exactly what he was doing. ....Or did he?

I don't know why this stuck with me, but it just made me curious. I don't know if you know the song "I have been there" by Mark Schultz (it's a good song), but this made me think of that. When we're confused and we call out to God out of the depths of our confusion, does he understand that?

Which makes me think even more, because when you get down to it, what is confusion? Isn't it the inability to discern between the right path and the wrong path? Or at least usually we use it in that context.... But weren't we given the ability to discern between right and wrong when Adam and Eve ate the fruit in the garden?

Some good questions... And I'm afraid I don't have answers... Just more confusion, ha. :-) Maybe I need to take another shower??? ;-)

confessions of a camp counselor

3:24 pm. 6 minutes left of break before the kids come back. Haha, oh the life of a camp counselor. ;-)

But it's been good this week. Music camp is the longest camp of all, lasting 7 days instead of the usual 4, so it can get pretty tiring, but so far I haven't run into any major problems, and for that I'm thankful. This week I'm in charge of ten 8 and 9 year old boys, and last night, while I was trying to get everyone settled in their beds and quiet for story time/devotions before bed (and I was quite obviously a little frustrated and tired by the end of the day), one little black kid raised his hand, and said, "Is it hard taking care of kids?" Hahaha, I about lost it! God is so good. :-)

So you can be praying for me and my kids this week. And all summer, really, but especially this week. Pray that even though they are young, that God would speak to each of them here at camp somehow, and that if nothing else, that each one would leave here knowing that they were loved this week. And pray for strength for me to be patient and loving, and just ask that God would give me the wisdom I need to handle this group and that He would use me -- in all of my imperfection -- to serve and love with the courage and the humble attitude of Jesus. God knows I need it. :-)

3:34 pm. Time to supervise the fishing dock! Peace!!

p.s. -- I'll have to post later all the funny things that my kids said this week... I've been writing them down, ha!

I love this song...

Hush now, my sweet little noisy boy,
There's trouble enough in the world.
Pick up your feet little lazy boy;
Come dance with your little girl.

Swing me 'round this kitchen floor
Like a carnival,
Toubadour.
I know that we're only two-bit clowns
In a one-ring circus.

But make me a little bit dizzy, boy;
Swing me on your trapeze.
When I'm in the arms of my dreamy boy,
It still makes me weak in the knees.

Right here on this record player
Is our scratchy song,
We're alone.
Slide trombones like an orchestra
Full of fortune tellers.

Come now, my sweet little breathing boy;
I'm listening hard to your heart.
It's as strong as a lion's, boy,
Let's leave here and make a new start.

I remember once you said,
Lying in this bed,
"The past is dead;"
Everyday is a one-act play
Without an ending...


- "Hush Now" by Over the Rhine

Over the Rhine is a folk/rock music band by a couple from Ohio. The husband plays guitar, bass, and piano, and his wife sings. I'm not sure if they're believers, but their story and their lyrics sure suggest it. This song was actually written a couple of years ago when they were going through a rough time in their marriage, and the album, Drunkard's Prayer, actually chronicles part of that story, and how they went from frustration and mistrust to rediscovering each other and their love. I just think it speaks such a powerful message of redemption into a broken world...

peace like a river...

I've told myself countless times that I will not post on here if I am either feeling tired or it is late (as in past 11pm). But here I go again -- breaking the rules. It always happens this way, no matter what I tell myself. I think mainly because at the end of the day when you're winding down, all the thoughts and emotions from the whole day just start whirling through your head, and so there's quite a lot to write about. Of course, the downside is that usually by that time I am already quite tired, emotionally unstable, and prone to write things I will immediately regret in the morning. Ha. Which is why none of this is very deep so far. ;-)

Anyway, I thought I'd change it up some and give you the top three things that I've been thinking about today:

1) "We definitely live in a world of misunderstandings."
- I wrote about this some last time, but it's become more and more and MORE clear to me over the last week or so. We are SO quick to judge each other and jump to conclusions!! And I know that I'm just as guilty as anyone else out there (and it makes me sick!), but seriously! I think maybe I've noticed it more this week just because I've had my eyes open for it more, but I can't even COUNT all the times this week that I've heard people make premature judgments about others, or that I've witnessed misunderstandings, or that I've caused misunderstandings. It really, honestly makes me sick when I think about it. Which is why I'm moving on to point 2 before I get carried away...

2) "I like working maintenance. Some."
- So this week I don't have campers. It's an all girls camp, so the male staff members are working maintenance instead this week. I don't think I could work a job like maintenance forever, but it always feels so good to me to get my hands dirty! Ha. I know it's cliche, but it's so true! I haven't decided if that's just a guy thing or if it's an everyone thing, but I love it. Maybe it's because physical labor actually has immediate, apparent results, and you can SEE that you've done something and accomplished something in a day's work. I don't know. I just thank God for the ability to use my body to do physical work... I don't think I thank him enough for that.

3) Now that I think about it, number three is more of a toughie. It's more of a blend of lots of different things going through my head, all connected somehow, but all unsorted and basically one big mess. Mostly about relationships... And I hate messes. I hate living with a mess. Some people can just ignore messes until later, but I can't. I've always kept a clean room and kept my things pretty organized, and if there was ever a mess in my room, I couldn't concentrate on doing my homework or reading or enjoy doing anything anywhere near my room until I got things cleaned up. I think that's also a disease, ha! But it's the way I've always been, and I think my thought-life is much the same. And when there's no mess, I couldn't be better, but when there's a mess, I can't think about anything else until it's resolved. ....gosh, I hate messes!

Well, there you have it -- the top 3. Or.....more like the top 2... lol. Whatever -- shut up. ;-) So yeah, today was one of those more messy days, for sure, but I know that my God is alive and that He is sitting on the throne -- all sovereign, all powerful, and EVERYTHING is under His feet! And I KNOW that all things work out for those who love God, and I'm clinging to that promise. God is good!! -- yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And that's enough for me. :-)

Peace!!

It struck me today how true the saying is: "Actions speak louder than words." In fact, I'd venture to say that when it comes right down to it, words alone are absolutely meaningless -- they all depend on a context. Well, unless they are negative words... which is a whole different intriguing story of its own.

And it's a little frustrating, because I'd like to think of myself as being fairly talented when it comes to words, but I know that my actions do not always back up what I'm trying to communicate, which I'm sure confuses many people.

It makes me wonder if we all just live in a world of misunderstandings where the exception happens on the rare occasion that someone's actions and words actually do consistently line up. Except that Jesus' words and actions lined up perfectly and he was one of the most misunderstood men in all of history... Or maybe that's why we misunderstood him....?

It's all very curious... Or maybe it's just late?? ;-)

So now that I have officially turned 20, I shall have to tell you what it's like... ;-D

First of all, I had the best birthday that anyone could have ever asked for! Thank you to all you who helped make it special. :-) It began at 12am with a bunch of the other camp staff bursting into my cabin and singing Happy Birthday and giving me a basket of surprises, including a rubber turtle, a matchbox Mustang car, bubbles, and......a gamecube. Yes, a gamecube. WITH Super Smash Brothers! haha. It's the first video game console that I've ever owned, so it was a sentimental moment.

And I have also never owned a rubber turtle.... ;-D

THEN, I had some meetings in the morning at camp, made a run to CU to check my mail (and got some cards and cash from the rents and the g'rents), hit up Best Buy with Rafael to buy him a laptop, came back to camp, changed, headed back to CU for dinner with Bre and Cynthia (which was AMAZING!! They made me the best homemade dinner, complete with green tea and jell-o cake, and then gave me a SWEET gift -- some snazzy shorts and a sweet polo, which magically make me sexy, ha! ;-D), then back to camp for some games, and ended the day watching the Spain vs. USA friendly soccer match that was on.... Couldn't have been a sweeter birthday! I think I can get used to this whole being 20 thing.... ;-D

Last Reflections of a Teenager ;-D

I am currently approximately......1 hour, 18 minutes, and 16 seconds away from leaving my teenage years......forever.

Moment of silence, please.

Thank you. ;-)

Anyway, I don't know if I'm just still in denial or what, but so far I haven't experienced any "quarter life crisis" paralyzing shock, random choking, or suicidal thoughts, (like some have suggested will undoubtedly happen), so I'm thankful for that, ha. In fact, I'm very thankful just in general. Life couldn't be much better than it is now. And that's especially funny to me, because I realize that not even a week ago I wrote about being utterly confused and mixed up, but like I mentioned in my last post, God really hit me in a powerful way this weekend, and things clicked, and since then, I've felt almost surrealistically surrounded and guarded by the incomprehensible peace of God. Philippians 4:4-8 has spoken to me in SUCH a powerful way... :-)

1 hour, 7 minutes, 4 seconds to go.

As I look back at my teenage years, I'm simply amazed at how far I've come and how much has changed in my life... Spain, middle school, ECA soccer club, Michael Steffens, moving to Camarma, Georgian Bay trip, Daniel Perez, Andrew Chamberlain, Veracruz F.C., high school, Camarma F.C., World Cup 2002 (haha), Berea, KY, friends, trip out west, work in Columbia, SC, junior year, AYG, L'Arcada, Jacob Bock, JM, Jessie Doland, Corrie Bontrager, Senior year, Lara Meinke, Senior Trip, World Cup 2006, Joel Musser, Grand Rapids, MI, Blue Like Jazz, Cornerstone, Quincer, Ian Grotenhuis, adjustment, more friends, Crossroads Bible Church, change of major, Breana Brendsel, Little Pine Island camp and camp staff, Searching for God Knows What, my first cell phone (haha) RCE, Crossroads CG, Quincer 2007-08, Made Man, my first car, Little Pine Island II: The Sequel (haha), and....here I am. ;-) I couldn't have asked for anything better. And God has been there every step of the way, guiding, providing, teaching, disciplining, stretching, challenging me, loving me unconditionally, growing me into "all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be" (Phil. 3:12). What an awesome God I serve!!

46 minutes, 39 seconds left.

Over all these years I could not have asked for a more supportive family, for more caring friends, more encouraging mentors, or more amazing grace than was given to me. Maybe that's the reason why this moving forward thing is not a problem for me... I have seen the mighty hand of God at work in my life, in the good times and the bad, providing for and guiding me this whole way, and I am confident that He has SO much more in store for me. And "I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate ME from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus MY Lord" (Rom. 8:38-39)

And frankly, I'm stoked. :-D

And now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get off here and enjoy my last 32 minutes and 51 seconds of teenage life. See you on the flip side. ;-D peace!!

Today I finally moved into my cabin that I'll have for the rest of the summer. In fact, I actually JUST finished moving in, and I'm sitting here on my bed now at 11:30pm, looking around the room, listening to music, and just feeling very satisfied. God is good. This week is staff orientation, then my sister gets here, and then camps start. My summer is about to officially begin. It's good. :-)

Other than that, I think God hit me up side the head with a 2x4 today. Or, as Rod would say, "God smoked me," ha. I don't even know if it was so much anything particular that was said in church, but some things just clicked for me this weekend and I felt SO convicted, and so desperately in need of Jesus. Part of it is just what I've been reading in Philippians 3 and 4 over the last 2 days. I can't even begin to describe what some of those verses have come to mean to me this weekend.

And then just today, I sat and talked with Josh Thayer this morning for an hour or so for the first time ever, and last night I talked with Dave Geroux for a good bit, and then I sat and had a good chat with Kyle Bos before church this morning, and it struck me what awesome men each of those guys are. I haven't talked with any of them for any more than a couple hours at the most, but already I look up to them, and today it just hit me how godly those guys are and where they have their priorities and how much I admire them for it, and how far I feel like I've fallen from that standard over the last semester. I've let so many other things come into my life and consume my time and my thoughts recently, and I need to get back to the source.

So that to say that I made a decision today in church that I'm going to start hanging out with some of those guys this summer. One thing I've realize recently is that I really need some strong godly men in my life. I can't say that I have any deep influences like that right now, but I want that to change. "As iron sharpens iron..." I'm excited. :-) It's time for a change.