"This is me."

I cried for Ezekiel this morning.

Sound strange? I was reading out of Ezekiel 24 for my quiet time and in the second part of the chapter, God tells Ezekiel that He is about to take away his "greatest treasure" and "the delight of [his] eyes." But He instructs Ezekiel not to "lament or weep or shed any tears." He tells him not to uncover his head or remove his sandals or to take part in any of the rituals associated with mourning or to eat any food that is brought to him from friends because of his loss. This is important because God wants to get peoples' attention so that He can give them a message.

That evening Ezekiel's wife dies.

I had never heard this story before and it hit me hard. Here is a guy who had literally given his life away to be God's prophet. At one point he was instructed to lie on his left side for 390 days straight - 1 day for every year of Israel's sin - and then turn over and lie on his right side for 40 days straight - 1 day for every year of Judah's sin. For almost a year and a half, Ezekiel lay on the ground to bear the sins of Israel and Judah. The book is filled with stories like this. Ezekiel was hated by Israel's kings for speaking against their selfishness and greed, he was hated by the people for always proclaiming destruction, he was hated by the priests and false prophets for exposing their hypocrisy, and I'm sure that he was even hated by his own family.

But he loved his wife.

And I'm guessing that she loved him too - more than anything in the world - because she was his treasure. And you don't usually treasure people who think you're insane. She must have been an incredible woman; I envision her standing beside her husband through all of his abuse - even standing up to her own family and his when they tried to talk sense into him. She might have been Ezekiel's only friend. He must have loved her with the most awesome love.

And then God takes her from him.

Just like that.

And he is not even allowed to shed a tear - all because God is desperate to get the attention of a child-sacrificing, idolatrous, wicked people.

* * *

My mentor, Chuck Swanson, calls these passages "biblical speed bumps." They are the times in the Bible when God doesn't make any sense. They slow us down. They get our attention. It is almost as if God is urging us, "Chew on this. I know it's hard, but this is so important! You see, you're missing something. Because this, my child - this is me!"

Because, like Chuck says, "as soon as we think we've got God figured out, that's when we're wrong."

back by....not so....popular demand... :-)

I'm back.

I was gone for several months, partly because blogger was blocked by the Chinese government while I was in China, so I got out of the habit of writing, partly because then I was discouraged with how much I would have to write to get everybody back up-to-date with my life, and also, admittedly, partly because I just don't take enough time in life to sit down and reflect. There's always some other way I could better be using my time, it seems. However, I do very much enjoy writing when I put my mind to it.

...which is why I never could just delete my account on here and throw in the towel....because I knew deep inside that there would come another day when I would just get the urge to blog again. So here it goes.

Instead of trying to catch everyone up on what's been going on with me in a long and drawn out post, suffice it to say for now that:

1) the China trip was amazing (I can send anyone a copy of my last newsletter if you didn't get one and would like one),

2) school has started very well for me during my senior year, (although I miss seeing my sister who transferred this fall to Bryan College in Tennessee); I am taking Roots in British Lit, American Renaissance Lit, Methods of Teaching Secondary English, and Intro to Arabic,

3) I am playing varsity soccer again this year, although I managed to break my right hand in practice 2 weeks ago, which currently has me sitting out for the rest of the season (I had surgery done last Tuesday to get permanent metal rods put in my hand, so basically I'm like Wolverine now), which also means that:

4) I am typing this completely with my left hand. ;-)

But actually, it has been beautiful so far. :-) Besides the 3 batches of cookies that have been baked for me so far by amazing sympathizing friends and the treats in the get-well-soon package that my awesome sister sent me, haha, God has seen fit to.....well...rather forcefully remind me of one thing in particular:

• He is in control and He is good. Despite having to temporarily quit my job, give up driving, give up soccer (and intramurals), learn to write and type left handed, and rely on friends (or strangers, as the case sometimes is, haha) to help with simple things like tying my shoes, which I originally all regarded as inconveniences, I have grown to see that giving up work and soccer has given me more time to slow down and enjoy life, and giving up driving has saved me a good bit of gas money, and learning to write left handed is just awesome (especially for my Arabic class where we write right to left), and learning to do the "simple things" one handed has thrown a challenge into the monotony of my daily routines to add some color to life. This weekend I finally figured out how to tie my shoes with one hand and this morning I mastered cutting my left hand fingernails with the cutters in my right elbow. Pretty sweet, huh? ;-)

* * *

Currently I am sitting on the couch in the living room in my apartment on campus listening to the thundering rain storm outside. I love nights like this. And yet it is past 1am, so I should probably head to bed soon. And yet I'm not tired tonight, even on 6 hours of sleep and no nap today.. Maybe the weather has put me in a pensive mood... I could definitely go on, but this post was long enough 2 paragraphs ago already. I'll spare you. I'll try to be more regular about writing on here again, but no huge promises until the hand gets better. ;-)

تصبح على الخير

Good night. :-)