I just read in the newspaper that Congress created a coupon program to help bail people out of the economic stress of converting their TVs from analog to digital.
That, in itself, is merely "very sad." But get this:
Did you know that Congress appropriated 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS to hand out to Americans so that they could buy themselves new TV converter boxes???
I don't know that I have EVER been THIS pissed off about a governmental economic policy. Are we serious?!?!! 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS!?
Folks, do we understand this??? I found this fact on the Internet to help wrap your minds around how big 1 billion is:
"To count to one thousand, counting one number every second continuously, it would take 17 minutes. Counting to one million at the same rate, it would take 12 days (counting nonstop, day and night). But counting to one billion would take 32 years! " (http://www.expandyourmind.com/sciencefacts/)
Or think of it this way: there are currently almost 304,000,000 (304 million) people living in the WHOLE United States. That's it. Think of EVERYONE you know and it doesn't even scratch the surface.
And our GOVERNMENT allotted 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS from their budget to pay for its citizens to buy new TVs??? And the worst part is that THOUSANDS of people COMPLAINED when they found out that the coupons expired and they hadn't gotten around to using them yet!!!!
Do you understand how many mouths could be fed with that much money? Do you know how many people are DESPERATE right now for food and RUNNING water and heat and shelter and clothes and medicine???
And what are we spending our money on...??
I am literally so mad right now that I can't even type anymore. I have never been so embarrassed of my country before. I thought about praying "God, have mercy on us!" but I can't even bring myself to say that without feeling like I am spitting in His face.
1.34 billion dollars............I am disgusted.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I saw Slumdog Millionaire tonight...
Sometimes at night after a long day or when I have a lot on my mind, I pull into Crawford and park my car way down in the very corner of the big parking lot where it's dark because the street light is broken. I park my car there and I turn off the engine and I just listen. Away from the buildings and students and lights. I listen to the wind outside. I listen to it howling through the crack in my car door window. And I watch the trees in front of me sway and dance, and I see the stars shining brightly through the leaves...
Tonight I thought about how the boy living in the tin shelter halfway across the world and I see the same stars. I thought about it and my heart almost broke. I feel sick tonight. Heart sick. But the thing that makes me sickest is the fact that I know that I will wake up tomorrow and have forgotten the whole thing and move on. And if not tomorrow, then the next day. Or the next. Nothing ever stays. O Lord, I long for the day when your eternal kingdom will come to stay! A kingdom that will not be shaken!
Even this restlessness inside of me comes and goes with my homework load, my stress levels, the weather... It makes me shudder to think how easily that feeling fades... God, have mercy!
But then something triggers it and I know it's not gone. Like tonight. I don't understand how people can sit through that and then get up and go back to their cars and their heated houses and their fast food and their homework and routines and schedules and let it all wash away as if nothing ever happened.
But it happens.
It makes me sick. But it makes me sickest because I know that it will happen to me too. It will happen to me too because I am tied here like everyone else. For now. Because I will not be content with ease. I am free, I think -- I am no slave to the world's game! But then why do I lose sight so easily?? How does comfort take hold of me so stealthily??? It is always two steps forward and then backwards one! Sometimes even backwards two. Or three...
My greatest fear is that I will become content with never taking those two steps forward because I have become too tired of doing the same work twice. Lord, do not let me ever tire of doing what is good!
I wanted to drive away tonight. To get on the highway and just go. Even though deep inside I knew that wouldn't solve anything, it just seemed like the right thing to do. What am I doing here? Why me? Why have I been given this life? But what would I do anywhere else? What makes me think that I can do anything?
....sometimes it's good to be heart sick....and to sit and ask impossible questions.....and to pour out your bitterness and your frustration to God...
But sometimes I want to be more than a question. Sometimes I want to be more than a dream. More than an offering plate donation. More than a short term missions trip. More than a prayer. SO MUCH more than a happy suburb family. More than my homework stress. More than my consuming relational drama. More than a speck of dust on the face of an infinite planet at the hands of an Infinite God. What is man that You are mindful of him?
Who am I?
Tonight I thought about how the boy living in the tin shelter halfway across the world and I see the same stars. I thought about it and my heart almost broke. I feel sick tonight. Heart sick. But the thing that makes me sickest is the fact that I know that I will wake up tomorrow and have forgotten the whole thing and move on. And if not tomorrow, then the next day. Or the next. Nothing ever stays. O Lord, I long for the day when your eternal kingdom will come to stay! A kingdom that will not be shaken!
Even this restlessness inside of me comes and goes with my homework load, my stress levels, the weather... It makes me shudder to think how easily that feeling fades... God, have mercy!
But then something triggers it and I know it's not gone. Like tonight. I don't understand how people can sit through that and then get up and go back to their cars and their heated houses and their fast food and their homework and routines and schedules and let it all wash away as if nothing ever happened.
But it happens.
It makes me sick. But it makes me sickest because I know that it will happen to me too. It will happen to me too because I am tied here like everyone else. For now. Because I will not be content with ease. I am free, I think -- I am no slave to the world's game! But then why do I lose sight so easily?? How does comfort take hold of me so stealthily??? It is always two steps forward and then backwards one! Sometimes even backwards two. Or three...
My greatest fear is that I will become content with never taking those two steps forward because I have become too tired of doing the same work twice. Lord, do not let me ever tire of doing what is good!
I wanted to drive away tonight. To get on the highway and just go. Even though deep inside I knew that wouldn't solve anything, it just seemed like the right thing to do. What am I doing here? Why me? Why have I been given this life? But what would I do anywhere else? What makes me think that I can do anything?
....sometimes it's good to be heart sick....and to sit and ask impossible questions.....and to pour out your bitterness and your frustration to God...
But sometimes I want to be more than a question. Sometimes I want to be more than a dream. More than an offering plate donation. More than a short term missions trip. More than a prayer. SO MUCH more than a happy suburb family. More than my homework stress. More than my consuming relational drama. More than a speck of dust on the face of an infinite planet at the hands of an Infinite God. What is man that You are mindful of him?
Who am I?
Friday, March 13, 2009
refreshed
This trip has been good for me... I am dreading going back on so many different levels, partly because I know that I will be hitting the ground running hard on Monday morning and it won't stop again until school is out, but I am trying not to think about it too much and just take it one day at a time. Always one day at a time...
We met with some old church family friends last night, some of whom I haven't seen since I was in kindergarten living here, but I found out that one of my Sunday school buddies from way back in the day just finished his teaching degree last spring and is going to teach this fall in Morocco at the same school I'm looking at there! How crazy is that? I guess he just signed a contract for two years already, so we'd definitely overlap if I went there next spring to do my student teaching. I couldn't believe it when I heard... God is so cool. ;-)
In other news, I'm looking to get my certification in TESOL this summer! I'm really excited! I've been planning on getting certified for the last 2 years now, but I always thought that I would wait until after I graduated to look into it. It wasn't until yesterday that I even considered doing it earlier... Turns out I can take a 4 week long intensive program, put in 120 hours, and get an internationally recognized certificate! It just opens so many more doors for me doing it early instead of waiting -- it means that I could start teaching ESL for the overseas part of my student teaching in the spring, and that instead of waiting to go overseas after my student teaching until I get certified, I could potentially leave for full-time overseas work right after I finish my student teaching. Also, just in terms of finding a job, I will be certified to teach 3 subject areas next spring (English, Spanish, and TESOL) instead of 2.
The trouble now is just finding something to do with the rest of my summer this summer. Ha.. Assuming that I've got to be back for soccer at the beginning of August, and I'll be taking intense classes for 4 weeks straight, that only leaves me with about 6 weeks of summer, and that doesn't make me a great candidate for finding much summer work... I'm praying hard that God will provide..
He always, always has. :-)
We met with some old church family friends last night, some of whom I haven't seen since I was in kindergarten living here, but I found out that one of my Sunday school buddies from way back in the day just finished his teaching degree last spring and is going to teach this fall in Morocco at the same school I'm looking at there! How crazy is that? I guess he just signed a contract for two years already, so we'd definitely overlap if I went there next spring to do my student teaching. I couldn't believe it when I heard... God is so cool. ;-)
In other news, I'm looking to get my certification in TESOL this summer! I'm really excited! I've been planning on getting certified for the last 2 years now, but I always thought that I would wait until after I graduated to look into it. It wasn't until yesterday that I even considered doing it earlier... Turns out I can take a 4 week long intensive program, put in 120 hours, and get an internationally recognized certificate! It just opens so many more doors for me doing it early instead of waiting -- it means that I could start teaching ESL for the overseas part of my student teaching in the spring, and that instead of waiting to go overseas after my student teaching until I get certified, I could potentially leave for full-time overseas work right after I finish my student teaching. Also, just in terms of finding a job, I will be certified to teach 3 subject areas next spring (English, Spanish, and TESOL) instead of 2.
The trouble now is just finding something to do with the rest of my summer this summer. Ha.. Assuming that I've got to be back for soccer at the beginning of August, and I'll be taking intense classes for 4 weeks straight, that only leaves me with about 6 weeks of summer, and that doesn't make me a great candidate for finding much summer work... I'm praying hard that God will provide..
He always, always has. :-)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
a restless heart and answered prayer
I can't believe it's already spring break of my junior year of college... It's SO weird to think that I only have one semester of classes left and only 2 semesters before I graduate! I really don't know what to think about all that yet...
Anyway, tomorrow big sis and I head down to Kentucky for a night or two with the grandparents before heading down to South Carolina to meet up with mom and dad for the rest of the week. We'll be in Columbia mostly, where I was born and my dad went to seminary, so we have a lot of close family friends down there that I haven't seen since I was in diapers. It should be fun. I'm sure it'll bring back memories of doing deputation trips in the car with the family when we were kids. David won't be able to be with us, which is a real bummer, but I'll get to see him for a day or two in KY. But Emily will be with us in SC the whole time, so that's cool. :-)
Other than that, I've been feeling really restless recently. I'm not sure why. Sometimes I get so frustrated at how small my world seems to be. The same places, the same people, the same drama, the same weather, the same routines.... On the one hand it kind of scares me to feel like that because I know it's part of life and it will be that way no matter where I go and I need to be content, but I can't help feeling it. I need a holiday. In a sense I guess it's nice that spring break is here and I'll get a change in scenery for a few days, but there seems to be a deeper restlessness in my heart that I'm not completely convinced will be fixed with a week long vacation...
And I know - I should take it to Jesus. And I have. And I do. And I will. Every day. But He doesn't always take away the struggle (in fact, it seems He rarely does) - sometimes He gives us the stamina to persevere in spite of it. That's more what it feels like now. Because He does give me strength, and I have persevered, and I am still seeking His face....who knows? Maybe this restless spirit is from Him??
Last of all (and somewhat along those lines), I have good news to report. :-) Throughout my last 3 years at Cornerstone, I have always considered my friends Ian and Nate to be my two closest guy friends. We were really close freshman year, especially, but even though I still see a lot of Ian, now Nate has a night job, so I've hardly seen him this whole year. Anyway, I was walking through the hall on Saturday and ran into him, and we actually ended up sitting down and talking for over 3 hours! Some of you may be wondering why this is shocking, but even though Nate and Ian and I were all very close at one time, we never really just talked. Ever.
Well, to make a long story short, Nate just really poured his heart out about how he had been convicted last semester and was tired of living a pseudo-Christian life, and about how he had made a commitment to God to turn his life around. Which is one thing to say, but as I listened, it became so clear how serious he was and how desperate he was to change. He had broken up with his girlfriend to better focus, had started attending church again, and was desperate for accountability and someone to listen and pray with.
Which, conveniently enough, was right where I was too. ;-) For almost a year I have been praying that God would put some serious Godly men into my life whom I could grow close to and be accountable to and grow with. I have lots of good guy friends, but no one like that. But as Nate and I talked, I really felt God tugging at my heart strings, and I got so excited.
After our talk, we both prayed and decided to start meeting 3 times a week for more prayer and some accountability and just general encouragement. It is something we both need a lot of right now. So we met 3 times last week, and every time we were only supposed to meet for an hour, but we ended up talking and praying for 2! I am truly overjoyed! :-)
But the coolest thing is that I have known Nate for the last 3 years, but after the last week of meeting with him, I have seen that he is a different man. Something has changed in him. From the music he listens to, to the movies he watches, to the way he spends his time, to his joy at talking about his relationship with Jesus, to his attitude to serve and his passion to embody humility, he has made 180 degree turns -- I have seen it, and I am praising God!
Thank you for answered prayer! :-)
Anyway, tomorrow big sis and I head down to Kentucky for a night or two with the grandparents before heading down to South Carolina to meet up with mom and dad for the rest of the week. We'll be in Columbia mostly, where I was born and my dad went to seminary, so we have a lot of close family friends down there that I haven't seen since I was in diapers. It should be fun. I'm sure it'll bring back memories of doing deputation trips in the car with the family when we were kids. David won't be able to be with us, which is a real bummer, but I'll get to see him for a day or two in KY. But Emily will be with us in SC the whole time, so that's cool. :-)
Other than that, I've been feeling really restless recently. I'm not sure why. Sometimes I get so frustrated at how small my world seems to be. The same places, the same people, the same drama, the same weather, the same routines.... On the one hand it kind of scares me to feel like that because I know it's part of life and it will be that way no matter where I go and I need to be content, but I can't help feeling it. I need a holiday. In a sense I guess it's nice that spring break is here and I'll get a change in scenery for a few days, but there seems to be a deeper restlessness in my heart that I'm not completely convinced will be fixed with a week long vacation...
And I know - I should take it to Jesus. And I have. And I do. And I will. Every day. But He doesn't always take away the struggle (in fact, it seems He rarely does) - sometimes He gives us the stamina to persevere in spite of it. That's more what it feels like now. Because He does give me strength, and I have persevered, and I am still seeking His face....who knows? Maybe this restless spirit is from Him??
Last of all (and somewhat along those lines), I have good news to report. :-) Throughout my last 3 years at Cornerstone, I have always considered my friends Ian and Nate to be my two closest guy friends. We were really close freshman year, especially, but even though I still see a lot of Ian, now Nate has a night job, so I've hardly seen him this whole year. Anyway, I was walking through the hall on Saturday and ran into him, and we actually ended up sitting down and talking for over 3 hours! Some of you may be wondering why this is shocking, but even though Nate and Ian and I were all very close at one time, we never really just talked. Ever.
Well, to make a long story short, Nate just really poured his heart out about how he had been convicted last semester and was tired of living a pseudo-Christian life, and about how he had made a commitment to God to turn his life around. Which is one thing to say, but as I listened, it became so clear how serious he was and how desperate he was to change. He had broken up with his girlfriend to better focus, had started attending church again, and was desperate for accountability and someone to listen and pray with.
Which, conveniently enough, was right where I was too. ;-) For almost a year I have been praying that God would put some serious Godly men into my life whom I could grow close to and be accountable to and grow with. I have lots of good guy friends, but no one like that. But as Nate and I talked, I really felt God tugging at my heart strings, and I got so excited.
After our talk, we both prayed and decided to start meeting 3 times a week for more prayer and some accountability and just general encouragement. It is something we both need a lot of right now. So we met 3 times last week, and every time we were only supposed to meet for an hour, but we ended up talking and praying for 2! I am truly overjoyed! :-)
But the coolest thing is that I have known Nate for the last 3 years, but after the last week of meeting with him, I have seen that he is a different man. Something has changed in him. From the music he listens to, to the movies he watches, to the way he spends his time, to his joy at talking about his relationship with Jesus, to his attitude to serve and his passion to embody humility, he has made 180 degree turns -- I have seen it, and I am praising God!
Thank you for answered prayer! :-)
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