alone with my thoughts

For some reason this week has gone by extra quickly. I can't even really remember what I did to fill my time. I think part of that is because I have filled my 7 day schedule to the brink with classes, soccer practice, work (3 different jobs), DC small group, morning prayer meetings, Community Group, captain's meetings, DC training seminars, church, volunteer work, tutoring, and Teacher Assisting just for that reason -- so that I don't have time to sit around too much. I've just discovered over the years that it's not always healthy for me to have too much spare time to myself. I don't know -- I'm weird -- I scored exactly the same score in each category of "Extrovert" and "Introvert" on the Myer Briggs Personality test, ha. While big groups of people drain me, and I'm not real outgoing, and I enjoy time alone to read or walk or just rest, I still absolutely love people (I'm studying to be a teacher, after all) and often being alone is actually just as bad for me -- it can be very draining too sometimes. I know that there is a balance for all people, but it just takes time to figure out what you can handle personally and where your limits are. It's a process that I'm still working through. :-)

Anyway, today is one of those rare days that I do have some time. 9 hours of time, actually. Ha. I came in to the gym today to work stats for a women's basketball game, but now I'm sitting at the front desk working supervisor shift for the next 7 hours. Lots of times there are events or set up or tear down that I will be working on during this time, but not today. Which is nice - I have homework to work on and a book to read and scholarship applications to fill out (and blogs to update), but it's also just a lot of time, ha. But I'll manage. :-)

So I got started thinking this weekend about "places of peace." Or at least that's what I call them. I'm not exactly sure how to describe them, though. They're those very specific places in my life where I go sometimes to get away. They're those places where, when I'm there, I just feel removed from everything that's going on -- there's no pressure to perform or to work or to get things done or to be any certain way -- I can just be.

Some of them are very peculiar places. The shower in my apartment is one of them, ha. Maybe now you know a little better what I'm talking about? When you're in the shower, it's just you and the hot water and your thoughts -- there's no interruptions or work to be done or immediate concerns -- it's just relaxing. Peaceful.

There's a niche in the corner of the library behind some bookshelves that's like that too, funny as it sounds, haha. It's just a place I'll go sometimes between classes or what not to read or take a nap even. The shelves are full of huge, dusty research books, so no one ever goes back there, and every time I go there, it's just the same feeling -- I can just breathe.

My car is another one of those places (when I'm in there alone), and the prayer room in my dorm (I think I'm the only one who uses it), and the dirt road over the hills behind my house in Camarma, and trains (yes, trains). I'm sure that we all have some odd places like this. It's just an interesting concept.

And then, of course, this got me started thinking if there was such a thing as "people of peace." Same concept: when you're with them, you can just breathe... I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know that there are many people like that in my life. Is that a good thing to be? It's a curious question... Was Jesus like that? I don't feel like it would have ever been very peaceful being around Jesus -- at least not as a disciple of his -- there would always be this pressure to succeed, to measure up, I feel. It seems like he was always rebuking someone... There aren't many times recorded in the gospel when Jesus stopped just to encourage someone or listen to their family problems or laugh at a joke or cry with them or help them do their homework or carry their luggage....it's always made me wonder how much of that actually went on behind the scenes...

Because the crowds were drawn to him like sheep looking for a shepherd. There must have been something very peaceful about him...something very affirming -- very gentle...and yet very strong.. And I know that we are called to live at peace with one another as far as it is possible with us. But is that the same thing? It just makes me wonder what I need to work on in order to get to that place....to be a "person of peace." Where when people are with me, they can let down their facade for a moment and laugh or cry or rest or joke or converse intimately with no fear -- even with people I who bug me sometimes.. But especially with those who are close to me... I want to be a true encourager, a true servant, a true giver, and a true forgiver. To be a person of contagious joy and thankfulness all the time who has not a care for himself or his problems, but only for the people around him...

That's where I so desperately want to be, and yet I've got such a long way to go... I'm working on it..

first day of high school

Tomorrow morning is my first day of high school in 3 years. Ha. I'm taking a class this semester called Teacher Assistant Practicum (TAP), where I have to log 5 hours/week at a local high school being a teacher's aide. I've been located at Northpointe Christian High School in a Spanish classroom. I'm technically an English major, so I should be in an English classroom, but I guess there were no more positions available by the time they got around to me, so since I'm fluent in Spanish, that's where I ended up. And that's fine - I'm happy with it - the classroom experience is what I really need. Tomorrow will be my first day meeting the kids and getting introduced to the classroom and the routines, but after a few days, I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of grading, making copies, leading activities, designing bulletin boards, etc. I even have to have myself videotaped teaching a lesson by the end of the semester for evaluation. I know it's all nothing like student teaching or being a full time teacher for that matter, but it's a huge step for me, especially as I'm still so doubtful about my abilities and general calling to the classroom. I absolutely love kids, but there are so many doubts still...

Thanks for all your prayers always.. If you would, too, be praying for Breana also, as she heads to India this week. I am so excited for what the Lord has for her there, and yet I know that there will be many hard times too... I worry for her a good bit, but I know that she will be doing what she loves most. :-) Just pray that God would bless the work of her hands and the words of her mouth there -- that He would be sufficient for her, and that He would give her the strength that she needs every day to keep serving and loving like Jesus. We will all miss her...

And last of all, for tonight, I don't want to go into depth, but I just want you to know that I could really use your prayers right now too. This last week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, and I am just feeling so torn and broken. I need Jesus. Pray that I would really fix my eyes on Him right now, and that His Spirit would lead me into truth, and heal the wounds with grace, and give me peace, and enable me to run the race this semester. But most of all, pray that He would teach me to just be still and wait for Him. I struggle with that so much. I know that He will bring me out....sometimes it's just a long road..

I am so thankful for each of you, my friends. Thank you for everything.

letting go

...back to Michigan....

I think I'm ready now, though.. It just feels ok now...

There is some part of me that is deeply tired still, but every day He leads me beside peaceful waters.
I am fearful about this semester, but every day His rod and His staff bring me comfort.
I am stepping in to an unfamiliar place, but even in the presence of my enemies, He prepares a feast for me.
I feel dry, but every day I am amazed at the riches that run over.
Surely....

Surely......

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all of the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of YHWH - The Most High God - forever...

After all.....He is my shepherd. :-)


It is well with my soul...

:-)

love

When I got up this morning, my mom handed me a short article that she had randomly found on her desk that she thought I might find interesting. I don't know where she got it from or why she thought of me when she read it, but she did, and it really hit me in a deep and intimate way. I wish that I could find the words to articulate what has been going through my head over the last month so that you could really understand how much this meant for me this morning, but I know this much - it was an answer to prayer from God. He is so good. :-)

-----

I Corinthians 13 - A Guide to Culture

If I speak in the tongue of a national, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I wear the national dress and understand the culture and all forms of etiquette, and if I copy all mannerisms so that I could pass for a national but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor, and if I spend my energy without reserve, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love endures long hours of language study, and is kind to those who mock his accent; love does not envy those who stayed home; love does not exalt his home culture - is not proud of his national superiority.

Love does not boast about "the way we do it back home," does not seek his own ways, is not easily provoked into telling about the beauty of his home country, does not think evil about this culture;

Love bears all criticism about his home culture, believes all good things about this new culture, confidently anticipates being at home in this place, endures all inconveniences.

Love never fails; but where there is cultural anthropology, it will fail; where there is contextualization, it will lead to syncretism; where there is linguistics, it will change.

For we know only part of the culture and we minister to only part. But when Christ is reproduced in this culture, then our inadequacies will be insignificant.

When I was in America, I spoke as an American, I understood as an American, I thought as an American; but when I left America, I put American things away.

Now we adapt to this culture awkwardly, but He will live in it intimately; now I speak with a strange accent, but He will speak to the heart.

And now these three remain: cultural adaptation, language study, and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

-----

A long time ago I remember my dad saying once, "God does not call the qualified; He calls the willing, then He qualifies them."

he loves to give his people rest... :-)

Our family got back today from a 3 day weekend retreat which was SO refreshing. The idea was just to get away for a few days to be able to talk and rest and do some focusing. Ever since mom and dad and crew got here on the 25th, we've all been together, but we haven't had a moment to ourselves; it was good to get away. We spent the time at a cottage in the middle of nowhere with no tv or internet, and spent most of our time reading, playing games, going on walks, talking, wrestling with Dave, and goofing off... It was good to catch up with people and was just something I needed.

I'm not sure that I'm ready to head back up to school again quite yet, but I think I'm getting closer. I still have a few more days to figure it out. ;-)

I'll just add that I continue to be amazed and inspired by what I have been reading in a book called Three Cups of Tea that I got for Christmas about this guy who builds schools for impoverished children in the Pakistan region and Islamic culture -- something inside of me is restless to go out and serve and become a part of something larger than myself. Something inside of me is sickened by the thought of mediocrity and easiness and convenience, and something inside of me jumps at the thought of working in places like the Middle East to love on people and make a difference, despite the hoard of doubts and fears that claw for my attention...

And on the subject of books, I have also been completely blown away once more by what I have read (for the third time) in Rob Bell's bestseller, Sex God. It is definitely a must read for every person - Christian on not, married or single, young or old - it addresses all people, and its insights into the mind of God and humans as divine image bearing individuals are absolutely brilliant. It's well worth your time -- whether you have it or not! ;-)

Anyway, it's late tonight I'm up early tomorrow morning to go with my dad to Lexington for the day to help my uncle move, so I'm off to bed! Praise the Lord for rest! :-)

dad, my hero :-)

So I went out to the car this morning to run some errands with my dad, and I got outside only to see that my dad had gone out and bought and replaced all of my car's hub caps! haha. We had been working on the car some last week, and it was then that he had noticed that one of my hub caps was missing, so while I was gone yesterday, he took the time and energy to go out and get me new ones and put them on himself.

When I mentioned it this morning, he just smiled and said it must have been from Santa. ;-) ha.. What a great guy!

WARNING: this is equivalent to a 4 page paper! ;-)

A Search for Truth: An Informal Essay

Lately I have given much thought to what the Christian philosophy on education is -- if such a thing even exists...? It is very confusing and frustrating because there do not seem to be any clear cut answers, and yet I know that there must be a Biblical perspective. So I guess I'm writing this partly to "voice" my thoughts (as I am a linguistic processor), but also partly to receive input and opinions from anyone reading this.. They would be much appreciated.

I feel like I should first give you a brief overview of my educational background. I was homeschooled from age 4 through the first part of my 2nd grade year due to the fact that my parents were traveling all over the country raising support to leave for the mission field, and it was terribly inconvenient to have 2 kids in a formal school at that time. I was placed in a local public school for the second half of my 2nd grade year, however, and by the end of that year, my parents were ready to head to Costa Rica for language training. I completed most of my 3rd and 4th grade years there in San Jose at a private American Christian school. After that, my parents were ready to head to Spain where they planned to serve full time. Once in Spain, I attended ECA (Evangelical Christian Academy), a very small, diverse, private American Christian school for missionary kids to prepare them for higher level education in the United States, through my Freshman year of high school. During my Sophomore year, my parents took a year long furlough in the U.S., and I attended the same public school that I had attended in the 2nd grade, but this time as a high schooler and for a whole year. After that year, we flew back to Madrid, where I finished up my last 2 years of high school, graduated, and began attending Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where I am today.

So that's me. And here is my dilemma: as Christians, what is our calling/duty in terms of educating our own children?

There are advantages and disadvantages to all three options -- homeschooling, Christian schooling, or public schooling. But I am not so concerned with which method is easier or more "safe" or more flexible or even more academically or socially advantageous. I am mostly concerned with which is right. Or perhaps better stated: with which is wisest.

Here has been my train of thought on this issue so far: The purpose of education, as I see it, is to raise up children in such a way that they are equipped with the knowledge and skills necessary to be men and women of irreproachable character and integrity as well as intelligent, responsible, contributing members of society. That came pretty much straight out of my Mission Statement as an educator. But that is how I see things, and it is from that foundation that I perceive everything else on this subject. Education is a huge part of "raising children" -- I do not see them as separate -- if I were to make this into a graph, "Raising Children" would be represented by a large circle, and "Education" would form a smaller circle inside of the first. All of education is a part of raising children.

And this is important because while the Bible does not say a whole lot on what our responsiblity is as Christian parents in terms of academically educating our children, it has TONS to say on what our responsibility is as Christian parents in terms of raising our children, and so when it talks about how children should be raised, those same principles should be applied to how our children should be educated. Right? I feel like this might be a place where people will challenge my reasoning..? That's ok -- that's what I'm writing this for.

Anyway, we are all familiar with verses such as the one in Proverbs that says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." I think there is much wisdom and truth in that saying, although there are always exceptions. But in general, I think that most Christians would agree that this passage implies that kids should be raised being taught out of a foundation of Biblical Truth, and being taught how to live as importantly (if not more so??) as being taught the right knowledge and skills necessary to be an intelligent, contributing member of society. Still tracking?

Furthermore, when looking at the Bible and how education was set up in the Jewish culture, this idea is backed up: young Jewish boys were educated in the local synagogues from a young age, while girls were taught at home. In both settings, they were instructed from a foundation of Biblical Truth, and were instructed on how to live as well as what they needed to know to survive. And God was always very adamant that parents should instruct their children on godly living from an early age, and that the Hebrews (and later, Christians) should not mix and intermarry with non-believing peoples -- in large part, I believe, so that other pagan ideas and influences would not be brought into the homes, causing children to stray. Am I taking stuff out of context here? Or extrapolating too much..? I am not trying to take sides -- I am only trying to understand the truth here based on patterns and ideas that I see in the Bible...

Anyway, because of these ideas, from a purely Biblical standpoint, it seems to me that homeschooling and Christian schooling are the most wise and "right" options for our children. And yet I have a problem with that. But first, let me finish: I see these two as the best options, because only in those 2 environments can our kids be taught Truth, and only in these environments can our kids be taught priciples of wise Christian living based on the Bible. The public school does not allow for that. Why should we allow our kids to be educated in a system that is 1) opposed to teaching Biblical Truth (there is NO neutral ground), 2) that encourages many Biblically immoral behaviors, and that 3) has fostered an environment where student peer-pressure to conform to immorality is immense because the system does not accept any foundation of truth from which to train and discipline its students.

Why would Christians ever allow their kids to have a large part of their "being raised" to happen in such an environment when the Bible is so clear on how our kids should be raised?

Yet I see the other side of the issue as well. As Christians, are we not commanded to live in the world and wrestle with it? Are we not commanded to engage? Were we ever commanded to shelter ourselves? Didn't Jesus set the example and befriend (not only befriend, but actually commune with!) the worst of sinners? Were his last words not that we should "go into all the world, making disciples"? Doesn't this command go for all Christians, and not just adults? Do you see..? There is a controversy here, it seems....

I see both sides. And I guess here is the temporary, half-hesitant understanding that I have come to after thinking so much about this... I believe wholeheartedly that kids need to be brought up "in the way they should go," because 1) as a good father, I would only ever wish to impart Truth to my children, and 2) because as a good father, I desire more than anything to see my kids succeed and be blessed in the Lord, and so I will do everything in my power to train up my kids in the Lord. Therefore, I believe that kids should be well grounded in Biblical truth FIRST. And I do not believe that that can happen well if the kids are simultaneously attending a public school. And some may ask, "Can you not train up your child in the right way at home, and then send them to school?" And my answer is: I don't know. It just seems to me that at such a crucial time in their lives -- when they are establishing what is True and good and right -- by allowing them to attend a public school, they will be hearing opposite things through each ear. Why take the risk in confusing your kid by teaching him one thing at home and then sending him off where he is taught (or pressured) into behaving or believing the complete opposite in many instances? Maybe a little sheltering is good and wise at a young age... Just like we shelter our kids from seeing certain movies or reading certain books or engaging in certain activities at a young age until they have developed sound judgment -- the same only makes sense when considering education.

Because then there is the second part of the proverb: "and when he is old, he will not depart from it." See, it used to seem to me that "when he is old" meant like, maybe 70 years old. Because that's old. But I don't think that's what it really means. See, the whole proverb is speaking to the human condition; it is addressing the fact that every human operates off of a foundation of beliefs. A person's beliefs directly influences a person's behavior. And so this proverb is exhorting Christian parents to train up their children in such a way that these Biblical foundations of beliefs are established in their lives, and once this happens, this belief system will directly influence their actions so that their actions will be consistent with their beliefs and they will not stray from the foundation they received. At least that is the theory -- and for the most part, that is the rule. Because it takes quite a bit for someone to become convinced that their foundational beliefs are wrong. It is only after our children have developed and adopted this foundation that it is right for parents to "release" them into the world -- yes, Jesus engaged the world and befriended Gentile sinners and commanded his followers to engage the world, but only after he had been trained up and tested; for Jesus, that process of "readying" himself took 30 years... But yet his disciples were commanded to engage the world as teenagers -- the age is irrelevant -- only that each man knew who he was and what he was about and what he stood for before he was ready to go out.

So, Aaron, give me a straight answer: public school, Christian school, or homeschool? Unfortunately, I have no straight answer for you, mostly because I do not believe this question has a straight, simple answer. I think it has a very complex answer, actually. But I will put it this way: I believe that Christian parents should start out by having their kids educated in a place they will be taught Truth, and where they will be disciplined well, held accountable for their actions, and where they will be able to see solid Christian living modeled for them. Whether it is via homeschool or a Christian school, those things are what is important at that stage. (Personally, I prefer Christian schooling.) Then, once they have established and adopted the Biblical foundation for their own (if they do), should parents feel free to make the decision whether or not to send them to a public school. I think that this age will vary from child to child, but personally (and perhaps somewhat naively?), I would think that it would be wise to keep kids in a largely Christian environment up until sometime in middle school.

Anyway, that is the longest entry that I have ever written, by far, and so actually I am very discouraged at the moment, because I do not think many people will take the time to read it, and yet I want feedback. I hope that those of you who did read it have benefitted from it, or at the very least, that you have been challenged by it. And I am especially hoping that some of you will comment back and challenge me in return. :-) Blessings!

a deeeeeeep breath...

Seeing as how I have not updated this blog since sometime late last year (har har), I felt that it was time to fill in all of my die hard blogspot reader fans on the recent excitement -- nay, more like thriller-esque-fingernail-biting-edge-of-your-seat-action-frenzied-adventuresome-last-3-weeks -- of my life.

AKA "family"

Haha. It all started out when my sister Lynnette and I came down from Michigan to Kentucky to spend our 5 week Christmas break with family. Apart from a 3 day trip to Nashville to visit my aunt and her kids, we spent a pretty laid back first week and a half with our grandparents. Our parents and 2 younger siblings were supposed to arrive from Spain on the 23rd and spend Christmas with us all, but they got stuck in Chicago by a huge snowstorm for two days and couldn't make it down until Christmas evening. Which was kinda hard. Even though I've been away for a while, it was the first time in my life that I'd had to spend most of Christmas day away from my immediate family. At least I got to see them, though. God is good. :-)

That's when the craziness started.

We spent 2 days celebrating Christmas with my mom's parents and their extended family, and then we went down to Richmond (an hour south) to see my dad's parents and his extended family for 4 days. It was the first time in almost 10 years (?) that my dad's family has all been together at once (one of my uncles and his family are missionaries in France, we lived in Spain, and the rest are spread out along the whole east coast). And my dad has 4 other siblings, all with fairly decent sized families. So needless to say, things were crazy. We ended up counting, and in all, there were 16 crazy cousins, 12 enthused adults, 4 yelping dogs, 1 annoyed cat, and 1 crochety old parakeet -- all under one roof. Well, the oldest 6 boy cousins ended up sleeping in the church down the road due to a lack of facilities at grandma's house, but for the most part, we were all under one roof. And to top it all off, we were all Mussers. And I'm just going to leave it at that for now -- I can't even begin to describe the crazy atmosphere -- you'll have to experience it sometime for yourselves. Well, except for some of you fanatic, avid amusser11 blogspot readers.....I'm not sure I want you all to come...that just might be creepy....

Anyway, then we headed back up to our other grandparent's house again because mom's brother and family from Ohio had come down to visit. So we spent 4 more days up there. Dad helped me fix my car (changed the spark plugs, fixed a kinked fuel line, installed a new radio (Woohoo!!), fixed a broken emergency break cable, fixed some leaking windows, and rotated the tires (which ended up being a 4+ hour long ordeal as one of the tires had rusted to the drum and would not come off even after being beaten with a sledgehammer...we DID finally get it off, though), and we finally left on Sunday to come back down to Richmond, because David and Emily start school today (Monday).

So here I am now, sprawled out on the couch in the basement of mamaw's (grandma's) house, while mom and dad organize and move in (the basement is a furnished apartment with 2 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms, a living room, and kitchenette, where mom and dad and fam will be living for the next 6 months), taking my first deep breath, it seems, in.....well....a long time.

You can be praying for my younger brother and sister... They just started high school today in a public school not far from here. It's the same school that I attended during my sophomore year of high school here in the U.S., but it's their first time ever in an American public high school, and their big brother is feeling a little anxious for them... Yesterday I reminded David to say no to drugs and peer pressure and to make lots of new friends (but NOT girl friends!), and also to stop, drop, and roll (see diagram) if he's ever on fire. That's about as much American public high school orientation as he's ever had before. Neither of them had ever even opened a combination locker lock before yesterday (as far as I know) when we went in to figure out his class schedule. They could just use some prayer...ha..


And also be praying for my parents as they settle in here. From next weekend until May 29th, mom and dad have every single weekend full, visiting supporters and supporting churches all over the east coast. They'll be traveling through about 8 different states over the next 15 weeks visiting people, all the while my brother and sister will be in school here and dad will be trying to fit in a required internship he has to complete for his second master's degree. It's just a lot going on...

Anyway, mom is calling me to help unpack some things and move some furniture around this morning, so I better jump at it. I have the next week and a half pretty free, though, before I head back up to icy MI, and I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking over this break, so you'll be hearing more from me pretty soon. I'm sure you avid fans out there can't wait. ;-) Peace!

P.S. -- I just remembered this that I had to share! My brother told me that on their flight from Chicago to Cincinnati on Christmas day, a guy dressed up as Santa was flying on the same flight. I guess my brother saw him in line and asked him if he had lost his reindeer, to which he looked annoyedly at my brother and sarcastically replied, "Ho, ho, ho." Hahaha, I just wish I had been there... ;-)