This thought occurred to me as I was walking across campus today:

"Overall, I do not think that the general population has an appropriate appreciation for the awesomeness of green grass."

Ok, so maybe it's just because I lived in a desert for half of my life, but it still bothers me.

"This is me."

I cried for Ezekiel this morning.

Sound strange? I was reading out of Ezekiel 24 for my quiet time and in the second part of the chapter, God tells Ezekiel that He is about to take away his "greatest treasure" and "the delight of [his] eyes." But He instructs Ezekiel not to "lament or weep or shed any tears." He tells him not to uncover his head or remove his sandals or to take part in any of the rituals associated with mourning or to eat any food that is brought to him from friends because of his loss. This is important because God wants to get peoples' attention so that He can give them a message.

That evening Ezekiel's wife dies.

I had never heard this story before and it hit me hard. Here is a guy who had literally given his life away to be God's prophet. At one point he was instructed to lie on his left side for 390 days straight - 1 day for every year of Israel's sin - and then turn over and lie on his right side for 40 days straight - 1 day for every year of Judah's sin. For almost a year and a half, Ezekiel lay on the ground to bear the sins of Israel and Judah. The book is filled with stories like this. Ezekiel was hated by Israel's kings for speaking against their selfishness and greed, he was hated by the people for always proclaiming destruction, he was hated by the priests and false prophets for exposing their hypocrisy, and I'm sure that he was even hated by his own family.

But he loved his wife.

And I'm guessing that she loved him too - more than anything in the world - because she was his treasure. And you don't usually treasure people who think you're insane. She must have been an incredible woman; I envision her standing beside her husband through all of his abuse - even standing up to her own family and his when they tried to talk sense into him. She might have been Ezekiel's only friend. He must have loved her with the most awesome love.

And then God takes her from him.

Just like that.

And he is not even allowed to shed a tear - all because God is desperate to get the attention of a child-sacrificing, idolatrous, wicked people.

* * *

My mentor, Chuck Swanson, calls these passages "biblical speed bumps." They are the times in the Bible when God doesn't make any sense. They slow us down. They get our attention. It is almost as if God is urging us, "Chew on this. I know it's hard, but this is so important! You see, you're missing something. Because this, my child - this is me!"

Because, like Chuck says, "as soon as we think we've got God figured out, that's when we're wrong."

back by....not so....popular demand... :-)

I'm back.

I was gone for several months, partly because blogger was blocked by the Chinese government while I was in China, so I got out of the habit of writing, partly because then I was discouraged with how much I would have to write to get everybody back up-to-date with my life, and also, admittedly, partly because I just don't take enough time in life to sit down and reflect. There's always some other way I could better be using my time, it seems. However, I do very much enjoy writing when I put my mind to it.

...which is why I never could just delete my account on here and throw in the towel....because I knew deep inside that there would come another day when I would just get the urge to blog again. So here it goes.

Instead of trying to catch everyone up on what's been going on with me in a long and drawn out post, suffice it to say for now that:

1) the China trip was amazing (I can send anyone a copy of my last newsletter if you didn't get one and would like one),

2) school has started very well for me during my senior year, (although I miss seeing my sister who transferred this fall to Bryan College in Tennessee); I am taking Roots in British Lit, American Renaissance Lit, Methods of Teaching Secondary English, and Intro to Arabic,

3) I am playing varsity soccer again this year, although I managed to break my right hand in practice 2 weeks ago, which currently has me sitting out for the rest of the season (I had surgery done last Tuesday to get permanent metal rods put in my hand, so basically I'm like Wolverine now), which also means that:

4) I am typing this completely with my left hand. ;-)

But actually, it has been beautiful so far. :-) Besides the 3 batches of cookies that have been baked for me so far by amazing sympathizing friends and the treats in the get-well-soon package that my awesome sister sent me, haha, God has seen fit to.....well...rather forcefully remind me of one thing in particular:

• He is in control and He is good. Despite having to temporarily quit my job, give up driving, give up soccer (and intramurals), learn to write and type left handed, and rely on friends (or strangers, as the case sometimes is, haha) to help with simple things like tying my shoes, which I originally all regarded as inconveniences, I have grown to see that giving up work and soccer has given me more time to slow down and enjoy life, and giving up driving has saved me a good bit of gas money, and learning to write left handed is just awesome (especially for my Arabic class where we write right to left), and learning to do the "simple things" one handed has thrown a challenge into the monotony of my daily routines to add some color to life. This weekend I finally figured out how to tie my shoes with one hand and this morning I mastered cutting my left hand fingernails with the cutters in my right elbow. Pretty sweet, huh? ;-)

* * *

Currently I am sitting on the couch in the living room in my apartment on campus listening to the thundering rain storm outside. I love nights like this. And yet it is past 1am, so I should probably head to bed soon. And yet I'm not tired tonight, even on 6 hours of sleep and no nap today.. Maybe the weather has put me in a pensive mood... I could definitely go on, but this post was long enough 2 paragraphs ago already. I'll spare you. I'll try to be more regular about writing on here again, but no huge promises until the hand gets better. ;-)

تصبح على الخير

Good night. :-)

beginnings

"The time has come, the time is now to go, go, go, I don't care how."

Isn't that a quote from a Dr. Seuss book?? For some reason it just popped into my head and it seems quite appropriate for the moment. :-) In just a few hours I'll be on my way to the Louisville airport, off to Denver by way of Chicago for training before my trip to China!

I don't even have an itinerary for my time there yet, but I know that we will be in training until Tuesday night. Then at 8am on Wednesday, July 8th our team of 11 will be flying to Seattle and then Beijing for the next 4 weeks.

I've got to be up at 4am tomorrow, so I'm headed to bed, but I will try to keep you all updated as much as possible. I'm excited. :-) Remember me in your prayers, as well as the Chinese people. God is going to do great things.

Love and blessings to you all!

-AJ

summer [break??]

Where does all the time go?? I was just writing to a friend today that the degradation of summer break is an outrage. I don't even have time to read over summer break anymore? When did that happen?? Reading used to be something you were MADE to do over summer break as a kid - almost like a punishment it seemed, at the time - like, "Read this so that you don't have time to play" type-of-thing, but now even if you WANTED to read, you have no time to! Much less play! People should be up in arms.

Maybe that's why it's a good thing I don't own one. Ha..

But yes, I am currently helping dad remodel our house here in the U.S. so that it is suitable for renters again. The last renters just left and they absolutely trashed the place... It is infested with cockroaches, there are several leaks in the ceiling, so there is roofing to be done and we're also having to tear out all of the carpet and lots of the flooring, the windows are coming apart, the doors had to be replaced, the appliances were all trashed (refrigerators, oven, dishwasher), almost all the gutters had to be replaced, we had to re-do all the plumbing and most of the electrical wiring, and the place needs re-painting... And we thought it might only need 2 weeks of touch-up work before we saw the place... I included a few pictures.

The living room....as we found it when we walked in the front door for the first time after the renters left...

The basement....as we found it.. And you can't see it in the picture, but the rug was damp and there was definitely hard dog poop on it in various places that had never been cleaned up...The reason the plumbing had to all be replaced....the pipes were completely clogged...This is the master bedroom. The white spot on the floor is where their bed was - that was the *original* color of the carpet throughout the house when they moved in. How does that even happen?? And notice the mold on the walls in the corner....yeah...
And best of all, they left us a nice present on the back porch... And yes, those garbage bags were definitely FULL of maggots. And these people had 5 kids??? It breaks my heart....

So anyway, needless to say, we have quite the task ahead of us. I've been working 11 hour days with dad and another friend of his for the last 2 weeks trying to get things done before dad heads back to Spain in July... It could all use some prayer.. And especially for the renters who just moved out...they probably need it more than us.. But God is good - He has always been faithful.

On top of all this, I'm trying to take a class, send newsletters and thank you cards out for my China trip in 3 weeks, keep up with soccer workouts, and get through my summer reading list... One thing at a time.

I was just inspired recently when I remembered the quote from Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings: "All that we have to do is to decide what to do with the time that is given to us." I am striving, moment by moment, to make the most out of the time I have been given, and I will let God take care of the rest. Praise God - He certainly is able! :-)

roadtrip!

Yesterday I finished a 3 day long bike ride across the state of Ohio.

Crazy as it sounds..................it is. ;-)

My brother had this idea about a month ago that he wanted to go on a bike trip, so with the help of my grandfather (who, at age 76 [??], is amazingly fit!), they planned a 4 day bicycle trip across the state of Ohio. Somehow my dad and I got suckered in too. (Ha, but it was a great trip!) The original idea was to start with our back tires in Lake Erie and end with our front tires in the Ohio River. And thus began our 250 mile saga.

We started on Saturday afternoon near Toledo and biked down to Findlay on the first day, which is about 70 miles - 10 miles more than we had planned. It doesn't sound like much - it's barely an hour drive by car - but it took all of 8 hours. We averaged around 14 miles/hour, but with stops for lunch, dinner, bathroom breaks, and one flat tire, that's what it came out to. We were battling the wind almost all day, so we were exhausted by the end!

The second day we started out at 8:30am, and with the help of the wind to our backs, we averaged around 17 miles/hour and made it to our planned destination by 3:30, so we decided to keep going! We ended up in Urbana, OH, having ridden 95 miles! I think we ended up "in the saddle" for about 9 hours that day. You might appreciate the "good luck" message my sister wrote on the back of my dad's pack:

As we assessed things that night, we realized that although we had planned on a 4 day trip, if we could make good time again, we could finish the trip in 3!

So after my brother and I stomped my dad and grandfather in a game of Rook that night (a very rare occurrence!), we set out the next morning with the goal of making the last 80 odd miles in one day. Again, we were blessed with the wind to our backs and mostly flat roads, as we were on an actual bike path that day, so we made good time.

About 15 miles away from the river, however, it started raining. It was drizzling at first, but it turned into a pretty heavy shower in a few minutes. We knew we were close (mom was picking us up in the car at the river), but we weren't sure exactly how close, so seeing as how none of us wanted to get wet, it was suddenly every man for himself - we flat out booked it. The last 7 miles or so we were averaging around 20 miles/hour (which is about as fast as you can go on a flat when you're laden with 4 days of supplies and you've already been going for 8 hours) and we still hadn't made it to the river by the end of the trail. It stopped raining after those 7 miles, but we had to find a way to the river still, and by the time we were given bad directions by 4 different people, it took another 5-10 miles winding through the city of Cincinnati until we found a way to get to the river.

After we made it, we called mom to tell her where we were, and she and a whole entourage of family came to pick us up! Although the trip had gone very smoothly overall, we must have looked like a mess! We were all soaked from head to toe, mud spattered up and down our clothes, sunburned from the last 3 days, out of breath, and all very sore!

It was a great trip, though - a great experience, and some great memories! :-) Would I do it again??

Well....not right now. ;-)

oh, my family... haha

I took my crazy little brother and sister to school this morning, and wanted to give you a snapshot of what our ride in the car looked like, ha..

David (a junior in high school, sitting in the back seat, obviously annoyed): Emily, put the visor up.
Emily (a freshman in high school, sitting shottie, answering equally annoyed): Why? It's not bothering you.
David: It is bothering me or else I wouldn't ask you to put it up in the first place. The sun isn't even in your eyes - it's behind us.
Emily (getting more flustered): So why do you care?? IT'S NOT BOTHERING YOU!
David: It IS bothering me!!! I can't see out the windshield, ok??
Emily: Well why do you need to see out the windshield??? Just look out on Aaron's side!!
David: EMILY, JUST PUT UP THE VISOR!!
Emily: WELL AT LEAST YOU COULD ASK ME NICELY INSTEAD OF YELLING!
David: I already asked you like 4 times!!!!
Emily: No you didn't! You just keep telling me!!
David: ::sigh:: Emily, can you please put the visor up.
Emily: ::sigh:: Fine. (puts the visor up) Happy now??
David: (grudgingly, with a hint of sarcasm) Thank you! ....FINALLY..

Haha, oh man.....I just sat there and cracked up! ;-)

"my prayer for them is that they would be one..."

So this weekend I drove up to Dayton, OH with my grandparents and some other family for a weekend family reunion of sorts. On the way up we were talking and someone in the car made an observation that I've never thought of before and left me thinking...

First of all, it is well understood that our country is unified under one document: namely, the Constitution. It is also well understood that there are many differing interpretations of various parts of that document. Some people interpret it liberally in some parts while others interpret it more conservatively. Yet the fact remains that although our country is made up of an EXTREMELY diverse population, yet, somehow, all of us are able to live peacefully, under the authority of one document that no one agrees on how to interpret. Curious.

And my question is: why can't the church do the same thing??

Our situation is strikingly similar: the church is also made up of a diverse population, universally claiming to submit to a very difficult document that has been interpreted in many different ways, namely, the Bible. The only difference is that the United States of America has managed to remain a unified population, able to act as one and respond with one voice, while the church of Christ is sorely lacking in that capacity. What's wrong with this picture?

Why has an enormously diverse and pagan population like the United States of America been able to remain unified with so many different views, while the church of Christ, which is SUPPOSED to be unified with a common foundation, has effectively splintered into hundreds of sub-denominations every time another leader has offered a slightly different interpretation of a Biblical passage?

Even Paul said that in order for a body to function correctly, it needs diverse parts with diverse functions working together, so why is it that the church today has divided itself into subcultures according to its spiritual gifts? This is another puzzling issue along the same lines...

Some would argue that although there are many different denominations today, solid Christians in those denominations still consider themselves brothers with other Bible-believing Christians, and thus that the church is unified. But the fact is that the church is not unified. There are still denominational boundaries. There are still those who refuse to worship in this church because they use a drum set in worship or those who refuse to attend that service because they lay hands on the sick or those who refuse to take communion with these believers because they use real wine instead of grape juice.

It makes me very upset thinking about all of this, but even more upset because I have no answers to offer. It makes me upset to see a pagan society understand more about unity than the church of God. I don't even know how to end this, but it's been on my mind this weekend and so I just wanted to share. As you think about it, I hope it will make you a little upset too. Pray that God would show us how to pray and show us how to treat each other better every day. Pray that we would not get caught up in one-way thinking, but that as we encounter other believers, all the time our attitude would be that of Paul in his letter to Timothy: that "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- and I was the worst of them all."

It is easy to point the finger, but change always starts with us.

summer 09!!!

After a grand total of 21 hours of sleep, two 8 page papers, three 5 page papers, one final exam, one 20 minute presentation, a lesson plan portfolio, and soccer fitness testing, I finished my last 5 days of my junior year of college.

That was last week. For when I was a student, I spoke like a student, I acted like a student, I reasoned like student.....but now that I am on summer break I have put studious things away.

Or something like that, right? ;-)

Anyway, my sister and I made it down to Kentucky safely where we are staying with the family for a couple weeks (wooo!!). And ALSO, my best friend from high school in Spain (Michael) came up from Florida to visit for a few days, which is pretty much the coolest thing ever. I haven't seen him or even really talked to him for about 2 years now - it's awesome to see him again!

So today consisted of Michael and I doing some house work for my grandmother in the morning, then playing racquetball with my brother in the afternoon, eating my FAVORITE home cooked meal EVER for dinner, playing the nutmeg soccer game in my grandma's empty garage after that, getting a haircut, and then having mom's apple crisp and ice cream for dessert (which also happens to be my favorite dessert in the whole wide world). And now I am sitting on the back porch on the porch swing, soaking in the summer breeze, listening to the crickets, and watching the full moon rise in the clear sky. So needless to say, it was pretty much the most perfect day ever. :-)

I should probably be getting to bed since I have to be up early tomorrow, but I have one more update that could use some prayer. Last week I got an e-mail from the guy who is coordinating my overseas student teaching opportunity next spring - you might remember that I had my heart set on going to Morocco? Anyway, he e-mailed me to let me know that due to that school trying to get accredited next year and getting a new high school principal, they didn't think they could take me on in the end. He then proceeded to explain that my next 3 preferences (3 schools in Ethiopia, Pakistan, and Israel) have also all fallen through for various reasons. All I need to do now is submit to him another list of a few schools that he can look into for me, so it's not a huge deal, but it was disappointing news and I could use some prayer as I try to figure out how to move on from here. And please also remember my trip this summer to China... More updates on that to come!

Finally, I realize how terrible I have been recently with updating this site, but now that summer is here, you can be expecting much more from me! :-) I will be around!

Hang in there, my friends - and be an encouragement to one another. Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Take time to be still. Take time to play. Reach out to the marginalized around you. Preach the Gospel boldly. Remember your first love. Remember how much you have been forgiven. And make the most of EVERY opportunity that comes your way. Never lose your joy. :-)

finally!

FINALLY I get a chance to sit down and update this! :-) I've been wanting to get an update out for the longest time now because there has been so much going on, but with it being the last 2 weeks of school, I've hardly had a whole spare hour to myself to sit down and give all the details. And even now as I'm glancing at the clock, I see that I only have 20 minutes until my next class anyway! Ugh. Ok, well here goes the short version at any rate!

- The biggest and most exciting thing that has happened in my life over the last few weeks is that I've decided to go on a missions trip to China for the month of July!! Cornerstone has organized a trip for this summer and will be taking 11 students to the Sichuan Province in south central China to minister to Chinese high school students by running a summer English program! I had been told that the Sichuan Province had been hit by a massive earthquake last May, but I only just found out that over 70,000 people were killed as a result (compared to the 218 in Italy's earthquake recently that everyone flipped out about), that 28,000 more are still missing, and that over 2,000,000 people were left homeless. ELIC has informed us that almost every single kid we will working with will have lost some relative to the earthquake last year. We will be working at a school compound that has recently been rebuilt, but is currently located in the middle of a refugee camp of sorts for the homeless. The Chinese government has promised to rebuild the area, but tens of thousands are still living out of tents. I haven't even been there yet, but the devastation that I can imagine from the facts leaves me breathless.... And we are going into the heart of it.

- Secondly, I just got back from a men's retreat this weekend with some guys from school and it was awesome! :-) We spent 2 and a half days in sessions, small groups, playing frisbee golf, cornhole, hillbilly horseshoes, eating, watching movies, bonfires, and having a great time all around. About 20 guys showed up, which was pretty encouraging, and the speaker, Chuck Swanson, spoke directly to the hearts of a lot of guys, including myself. It was truly refreshing.

- Thirdly, I just heard back from George Washington Academy in Morocco about 2 weeks ago, and they informed me that they would love to have me as a student teacher next spring! They only mentioned that they do not have their faculty all figured out for the spring yet (especially not in the English department) and wanted to make sure that they had a qualified, experienced teacher for me to work with, so they said that they would get back to me in a few weeks. I'm excited! :-)

- Also, for those of you who were praying, because of a conflicting class schedule this fall, I was afraid that I would not get to keep my soccer scholarship next year and would have to quit the team my senior year, which I was a little upset about. HOWEVER, after talking to my coach last week, his response to my dilemma was, "Well....you have to take the classes, right?" My jaw almost dropped. After a vehement head nod from me, he looked up from my class schedule on his desk, gave me a smile and said, "Well, what's the problem, then? Is there anything else I can do for you?" My jaw DID drop. Needless to say, I thanked him profusely, grabbed my schedule, and booked it out the door before he changed his mind! God is so faithful!

- Last of all, if any of you should find some extra prayer time on your hands (ha..), I could use some prayer for a few things:

• That God would provide some work for me this summer for the months of May and June. I don't have anything lined up at the moment, but I still have bills to pay, so it would be a blessing if I could find some work. There is a possibility that I could get hired at camp again just for those 2 months or I could maybe work with my dad in Kentucky on our house for some pay, but both of those options are still up in the air. I would love to get something solidified soon...

• That God would give me clear direction for my trip this summer and that He would provide for me and equip me with everything I need, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually before I go. I am only a fragile clay jar containing a great treasure...

• That I would be able to discern and continually follow God's leading for me next spring in my student teaching, both overseas and in finding a placement in Michigan.

• And, as always, that He would continue to fill me with an unquenchable hunger and thirst for Him and for His truth, especially over the course of these next 3 weeks when things are crazy.

Thank you all for your love and prayers!! :-)

disgust

I just read in the newspaper that Congress created a coupon program to help bail people out of the economic stress of converting their TVs from analog to digital.

That, in itself, is merely "very sad." But get this:

Did you know that Congress appropriated 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS to hand out to Americans so that they could buy themselves new TV converter boxes???

I don't know that I have EVER been THIS pissed off about a governmental economic policy. Are we serious?!?!! 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS!?

Folks, do we understand this??? I found this fact on the Internet to help wrap your minds around how big 1 billion is:

"To count to one thousand, counting one number every second continuously, it would take 17 minutes. Counting to one million at the same rate, it would take 12 days (counting nonstop, day and night). But counting to one billion would take 32 years! " (http://www.expandyourmind.com/sciencefacts/)

Or think of it this way: there are currently almost 304,000,000 (304 million) people living in the WHOLE United States. That's it. Think of EVERYONE you know and it doesn't even scratch the surface.

And our GOVERNMENT allotted 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS from their budget to pay for its citizens to buy new TVs??? And the worst part is that THOUSANDS of people COMPLAINED when they found out that the coupons expired and they hadn't gotten around to using them yet!!!!

Do you understand how many mouths could be fed with that much money? Do you know how many people are DESPERATE right now for food and RUNNING water and heat and shelter and clothes and medicine???

And what are we spending our money on...??

I am literally so mad right now that I can't even type anymore. I have never been so embarrassed of my country before. I thought about praying "God, have mercy on us!" but I can't even bring myself to say that without feeling like I am spitting in His face.

1.34 billion dollars............I am disgusted.

I saw Slumdog Millionaire tonight...

Sometimes at night after a long day or when I have a lot on my mind, I pull into Crawford and park my car way down in the very corner of the big parking lot where it's dark because the street light is broken. I park my car there and I turn off the engine and I just listen. Away from the buildings and students and lights. I listen to the wind outside. I listen to it howling through the crack in my car door window. And I watch the trees in front of me sway and dance, and I see the stars shining brightly through the leaves...

Tonight I thought about how the boy living in the tin shelter halfway across the world and I see the same stars. I thought about it and my heart almost broke. I feel sick tonight. Heart sick. But the thing that makes me sickest is the fact that I know that I will wake up tomorrow and have forgotten the whole thing and move on. And if not tomorrow, then the next day. Or the next. Nothing ever stays. O Lord, I long for the day when your eternal kingdom will come to stay! A kingdom that will not be shaken!

Even this restlessness inside of me comes and goes with my homework load, my stress levels, the weather... It makes me shudder to think how easily that feeling fades... God, have mercy!

But then something triggers it and I know it's not gone. Like tonight. I don't understand how people can sit through that and then get up and go back to their cars and their heated houses and their fast food and their homework and routines and schedules and let it all wash away as if nothing ever happened.

But it happens.

It makes me sick. But it makes me sickest because I know that it will happen to me too. It will happen to me too because I am tied here like everyone else. For now. Because I will not be content with ease. I am free, I think -- I am no slave to the world's game! But then why do I lose sight so easily?? How does comfort take hold of me so stealthily??? It is always two steps forward and then backwards one! Sometimes even backwards two. Or three...

My greatest fear is that I will become content with never taking those two steps forward because I have become too tired of doing the same work twice. Lord, do not let me ever tire of doing what is good!

I wanted to drive away tonight. To get on the highway and just go. Even though deep inside I knew that wouldn't solve anything, it just seemed like the right thing to do. What am I doing here? Why me? Why have I been given this life? But what would I do anywhere else? What makes me think that I can do anything?

....sometimes it's good to be heart sick....and to sit and ask impossible questions.....and to pour out your bitterness and your frustration to God...

But sometimes I want to be more than a question. Sometimes I want to be more than a dream. More than an offering plate donation. More than a short term missions trip. More than a prayer. SO MUCH more than a happy suburb family. More than my homework stress. More than my consuming relational drama. More than a speck of dust on the face of an infinite planet at the hands of an Infinite God. What is man that You are mindful of him?

Who am I?

refreshed

This trip has been good for me... I am dreading going back on so many different levels, partly because I know that I will be hitting the ground running hard on Monday morning and it won't stop again until school is out, but I am trying not to think about it too much and just take it one day at a time. Always one day at a time...

We met with some old church family friends last night, some of whom I haven't seen since I was in kindergarten living here, but I found out that one of my Sunday school buddies from way back in the day just finished his teaching degree last spring and is going to teach this fall in Morocco at the same school I'm looking at there! How crazy is that? I guess he just signed a contract for two years already, so we'd definitely overlap if I went there next spring to do my student teaching. I couldn't believe it when I heard... God is so cool. ;-)

In other news, I'm looking to get my certification in TESOL this summer! I'm really excited! I've been planning on getting certified for the last 2 years now, but I always thought that I would wait until after I graduated to look into it. It wasn't until yesterday that I even considered doing it earlier... Turns out I can take a 4 week long intensive program, put in 120 hours, and get an internationally recognized certificate! It just opens so many more doors for me doing it early instead of waiting -- it means that I could start teaching ESL for the overseas part of my student teaching in the spring, and that instead of waiting to go overseas after my student teaching until I get certified, I could potentially leave for full-time overseas work right after I finish my student teaching. Also, just in terms of finding a job, I will be certified to teach 3 subject areas next spring (English, Spanish, and TESOL) instead of 2.

The trouble now is just finding something to do with the rest of my summer this summer. Ha.. Assuming that I've got to be back for soccer at the beginning of August, and I'll be taking intense classes for 4 weeks straight, that only leaves me with about 6 weeks of summer, and that doesn't make me a great candidate for finding much summer work... I'm praying hard that God will provide..

He always, always has. :-)

a restless heart and answered prayer

I can't believe it's already spring break of my junior year of college... It's SO weird to think that I only have one semester of classes left and only 2 semesters before I graduate! I really don't know what to think about all that yet...

Anyway, tomorrow big sis and I head down to Kentucky for a night or two with the grandparents before heading down to South Carolina to meet up with mom and dad for the rest of the week. We'll be in Columbia mostly, where I was born and my dad went to seminary, so we have a lot of close family friends down there that I haven't seen since I was in diapers. It should be fun. I'm sure it'll bring back memories of doing deputation trips in the car with the family when we were kids. David won't be able to be with us, which is a real bummer, but I'll get to see him for a day or two in KY. But Emily will be with us in SC the whole time, so that's cool. :-)

Other than that, I've been feeling really restless recently. I'm not sure why. Sometimes I get so frustrated at how small my world seems to be. The same places, the same people, the same drama, the same weather, the same routines.... On the one hand it kind of scares me to feel like that because I know it's part of life and it will be that way no matter where I go and I need to be content, but I can't help feeling it. I need a holiday. In a sense I guess it's nice that spring break is here and I'll get a change in scenery for a few days, but there seems to be a deeper restlessness in my heart that I'm not completely convinced will be fixed with a week long vacation...

And I know - I should take it to Jesus. And I have. And I do. And I will. Every day. But He doesn't always take away the struggle (in fact, it seems He rarely does) - sometimes He gives us the stamina to persevere in spite of it. That's more what it feels like now. Because He does give me strength, and I have persevered, and I am still seeking His face....who knows? Maybe this restless spirit is from Him??

Last of all (and somewhat along those lines), I have good news to report. :-) Throughout my last 3 years at Cornerstone, I have always considered my friends Ian and Nate to be my two closest guy friends. We were really close freshman year, especially, but even though I still see a lot of Ian, now Nate has a night job, so I've hardly seen him this whole year. Anyway, I was walking through the hall on Saturday and ran into him, and we actually ended up sitting down and talking for over 3 hours! Some of you may be wondering why this is shocking, but even though Nate and Ian and I were all very close at one time, we never really just talked. Ever.

Well, to make a long story short, Nate just really poured his heart out about how he had been convicted last semester and was tired of living a pseudo-Christian life, and about how he had made a commitment to God to turn his life around. Which is one thing to say, but as I listened, it became so clear how serious he was and how desperate he was to change. He had broken up with his girlfriend to better focus, had started attending church again, and was desperate for accountability and someone to listen and pray with.

Which, conveniently enough, was right where I was too. ;-) For almost a year I have been praying that God would put some serious Godly men into my life whom I could grow close to and be accountable to and grow with. I have lots of good guy friends, but no one like that. But as Nate and I talked, I really felt God tugging at my heart strings, and I got so excited.

After our talk, we both prayed and decided to start meeting 3 times a week for more prayer and some accountability and just general encouragement. It is something we both need a lot of right now. So we met 3 times last week, and every time we were only supposed to meet for an hour, but we ended up talking and praying for 2! I am truly overjoyed! :-)

But the coolest thing is that I have known Nate for the last 3 years, but after the last week of meeting with him, I have seen that he is a different man. Something has changed in him. From the music he listens to, to the movies he watches, to the way he spends his time, to his joy at talking about his relationship with Jesus, to his attitude to serve and his passion to embody humility, he has made 180 degree turns -- I have seen it, and I am praising God!

Thank you for answered prayer! :-)

a sampling of today's random thoughts

- I walked outside today and the sun was shining and I heard birds singing for the first time in months. The snow has all melted for the second time this winter... Spring is fighting back. :-)

- I saw Seven Pounds last night. It's a Will Smith movie, so you can't really go wrong, and the acting and screenplay were excellent, but it was a very dark film.. I have very mixed feelings about that movie... Would Ben Thomas have considered me a good man..? How would I have measured up? It made me think of how fragile life is....who knows how much time we have left... Why am I not giving more? But despite all my mixed feelings, one thing is for sure: it made me appreciate the life that I have. I am so undeservedly blessed..

- When the Hansen Center is completely empty at the end of the day and it's dark outside and the main lights are out and it's all quiet except for the dull hum of the ceiling fans and the soft buzz of the few dim lights left, I think it can be one of the most amazing and yet lonely places in the whole world.

- I wondered today: what is our obsession with publicizing our personal feelings online? Have you ever thought about that before? I'm thinking specifically of Facebook statuses right now, but it applies to blogging too. Maybe it's just me, but I struggle so much with wanting to put something online particularly when I am having a rough time -- usually I don't want to come right out and say that I'm having a rough time, but I'll look for some vague song lyrics to put up or write a poem or think of some other round-about way to hint at the world that things aren't good... And it's all subconscious.... Why? I think that we are a disconnected generation who desperately want to be heard and known and loved anyway....

- Where did all of our peanut butter go???

- I'm currently looking into 4 different schools in Morocco, Israel, Pakistan, and Ethiopia to do my student teaching at. There might be other options other than the ones posted on the list on www.interactionintl.org, but I have to call to find out. Exciting stuff. :-)

- Where in the world is God leading me this summer?? I wish I wasn't so awful at waiting....

- I found a world map today in the Hansen Center while I was on duty about the size of an average poster that was laying near the garbage, so I took it home. It's a nice map... I was trying to decide where to put it up when I finally decided that I would thumb tack it to the underside of the bunkbed above me so that I can look at it as I fall asleep every night... I don't know why -- maybe I'm weird, but I just love looking at world maps... I think I could spend all day in front of the one huge one in the library, just looking at the different countries and dreaming of all the different places in the world... It was a good find today. :-)

sometimes

We sang this hymn in chapel today, and it has caused me to think all day... It has been years since I heard it.... Zach Vincent, who was helping to lead worship, softly mused that sometimes he feels like we Christians are so quick to mention Christ's resurrection as soon as we speak of His death that we effectively "skip over" dwelling on the magnitude of what He did for us by dying on the cross...

Sometimes, he challenged quietly, it is good to sit in tears and brokenness at the foot of the cross... If you know the words, I would invite you to take a moment sometime to close your eyes and sing this slowly and quietly instead of skimming over it..... Let it sit on your heart..

Where you there when they crucified my lord?
Where you there when they crucified my lord..?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble...
Where you there when they crucified my lord?

Where you there when they nailed him to a tree?
Where you there when they nailed him to a tree..?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble....
Where you there when they nailed him to a tree?

Where you there when they laid him in a tomb?
Where you there when they laid him in a tomb..?
Oh, sometimes....sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble...
Where you there when they laid him in a tomb?

Sometimes......it causes me to tremble....

new things

Dear friends,

God is doing wonderful things. Let me tell you. :-)

Last week I started tutoring at a small school called the Potter's House in downtown Grand Rapids for one of my classes. It's a small Christian school located right in the middle of the slums of GR. It began 25 years ago or so by several Calvin College graduates who had a vision for establishing a school in the poorest part of the city that would offer a solid Christian education for economically disadvantaged families and immigrants who wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise. It is beautiful.

They meet in an old, partially run down facility in the middle of the slums, and much of their resources are outdated, but the people there are amazing. My first day there I tutored an 8th grade girl from Puerto Rico, a 6th grade boy from Bosnia, and another 6th grade boy from downtown Grand Rapids. And yesterday I helped a 12 year old boy from Tanzania take a Bible test who had grown up in 3 different refugee camps in east Africa and had only lived in the United States for one year. He knew 5 other languages. The students are SO diverse -- Koreans, Bosnians, Mexicans, Porto Ricans, Indians, Venezuelans, Tanzanians, Israelis, and locals... And those are only the few that I have met so far in 2 days...

All I know is that after helping that Tanzanian boy understand his English Bible test yesterday, I knew....I knew that that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. It is so crazy how God has brought me from a place of such uncertainty about teaching English over the last few months to a place of such joy and confidence in doing that work. There are still plenty of doubts, but one by one, He is tearing down the walls. Praise the Lord!

As for the next big thing God is doing... I had a meeting today with Darla England in the Teacher Ed division about doing my student teaching overseas, and I met with Gerald Longjohn (in charge of cross cultural ministries on campus) last week to talk about my desire to eventually teach overseas, particularly in the Middle East as he served in Dubai as a missionary for many years himself. And both of them were so encouraging. I will spare you the details, but from those 2 meetings it looks as if I will be able to find a placement overseas in almost any country I wish for my student teaching next spring, and there is a very good possiblity that I could be teaching full time overseas, if that is where God takes me, as early as the beginning of next summer. I could not be more excited! :-)

Please continue to pray that God would make His will for my future ever clearer to me as time moves on, and that He would give me the faith and flexibility to follow in His easy yoke over the next year. Pray that He would make me patient and teachable...

And thank you for all of your prayers already. He is leading me to exciting new things. :-)

the whole story

Yesterday in chapel, our university president, Joe Stowell, spoke to us about his recent trip to Southeast Asia. He had been there to speak at a conference for Christian English teachers with the organization ELIC (English Language in China). ELIC recruits Christian English foreign language teachers from the U.S. to teach in China, to use English as a gateway to bringing the gospel to this closed country. Over the years, however, ELIC has grown and now sends teachers to China, Hong Kong, Laos, Cambodia, Napal, Thailand, and Vietnam. From what I understand, there were hundreds of these teachers at this conferece in Thailand.

Anyway, ELIC took the opportunity to video some of the conference and put together a short film on their ministry and the people it works with, which Joe Stowell shared with us in chapel.

There was some introduction to the video, but the main part of the film consisted of a montage with a song playing in the background where current ELIC teachers at the conference faced the camera with two outstretched fists, side-by-side, in front of the camera. One by one, the people would open their right hand first, palm up, to reveal the first part of their testimony written on their hand. After a few seconds, they would then open the other hand to reveal "the rest of the story."

Some people had written things like, "0-21: defining who I was" and then, "22-today: allowing myself to be defined by Jesus Christ."

Or, "4 years of misery resisting God's calling" and then, "Peace and fulfillment teaching in Laos until Abba moves me. 3 years and counting..."

Or, "A lifetime struggling with depression and anxiety disorder" and then, "Chains broken by the Great Healer."

Or, "No real passion for the Cambodian people" and then, "Deepest love for the Cambodian lost 2 years later."

Their testimonies were so powerful. But one thing hit me hard...

There was one girl on the video who I'll never forget. She literally couldn't stop smiling..

Most people showed their right hand with a straight face, and then smiled when they revealed the second hand revealing the story of their redemption, but this girl smiled the entire time. And it wasn't one of those fake smiles... She just couldn't stop it. She didn't try. It just overflowed. Even when she showed the first hand, her excitement was bubbling over -- she couldn't WAIT to show her other hand...

I want to be like that girl...

Because it struck me that this is what God's children are -- they are a people who know the whole story! Like an excited little kid, they are a people who can't wait to show the "first hand" because they know the joy found in the second hand! They are a people who smile in the midst of darkness and overflow with excitement in the revelation of their weaknesses because they know the rest of the story! They are a people unashamed -- a people unafraid -- a people who burst with joy at the sight of brokenness because they know the freedom found in the bittersweet refrain:

Jesus saves!

sometimes

Sometimes it just hits me how small I am.....














It is so humbling..

me and my baby face

Not a ton of time here between classes, but I had to share this story! Ha.

I got up early this morning to go do my Teacher Assisting at Northpointe High School (sidenote: at 6am I could already tell it was going to be a crazy day -- I have always known that I struggle when it comes to dressing myself formally, [Haha. Yes, you heard me.] and therefore, I leave an extra hour every morning before work to decide what I'm going to wear and tie my tie. Ridiculous? Yes, I know. But this morning was REAL bad, haha. First, I had just washed all of my button down shirts the night before and had forgotten to iron them. Typical. It wouldn't have been a problem except that I know for a fact that there isn't one single iron on the whole 2 men's floors of Crawford Residence Hall, haha. Oh well. So I gave up that idea and decided to borrow a shirt from Caleb [my roommate]. Then I had to tie my tie. Usually I leave about 20 minutes every morning for this battle, lol. But today I had misplaced my printed tie tying guide from Google, so instead of turning on my computer and waiting and looking it up and all, I decided to go solo. Which worked out ok -- after a few minutes of experimenting, I remembered HOW to tie my tie, but I simply could NOT tie my tie. It was either too long or too short or crooked or the knot was too fat or too skinny -- you get the idea. I used all 20 minutes. And still wasn't satisfied. But it was good enough -- especially after I threw a jacket on over top. I ran out the door and made it just on time.).

Anyway, looking back, that was a foreshadowing of my morning at school this morning. Lots of crazy things happened, but I have to tell this one.

So Mrs. H sent me into the copy room to make 90 copies of 2 different worksheets, and hole punch them and staple them into packets, and glad to have something to work on, I made my way confidently to the office. She had showed me how to use the 2 copy machines last week, so I walked in the empty room and began scanning my original papers. Not 5 seconds after I arrived, however, at least 5 or 6 other teachers walked in the room behind me needing to make copies. The first lady in went straight to the other machine and got to work, but the next one in was a man, and seeing a teacher at the other machine, he immediately turned to me and his eyes widened in horror as he saw me just punching in the amount of copies I needed (I had not even begun to copy anything yet). Immediately he reached over and put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me back out of the way and said, "What are you doing in here? You are not allowed to use this room!"

Shocked, I looked at the other teachers looking at me and stammered, "Umm, I'm a TA for Mrs. H and she sent me in here to make copies of these worksheets."

"I don't care," he said, "You are not allowed to use this room without office training. Unfortunately, Mrs. H is going to have to make her own copies, or you can ask someone who knows what they're doing."

Trying to seem as respectful and innocent as possible (while admittedly grinning in my head), I held the papers out to him and said, "Well then would you mind helping me make these copies?" He had a stack of papers in his own hands that needed copying.

Realizing what he had just said, he annoyedly replied, "Uhhh, I don't have time for that. Why don't you go check with the secretary."

So, nodding politely, and with a "Yes, sir. I will. Thank you," I stepped aside. He then stepped in front of me and started to use the machine, but my paper was still in there, so he grunted and said, "Now you've got this all set up the wrong way (aka, the wrong way for what HE needed -- I had done it right)." As he fiddled with it, pressing buttons, it finally froze on him. "See, that's why you can't be in here. Everyone needs copies and now the machine's broken." I just stood there grinning in my head, but managed a serious, "I'm sorry, sir," before I took my things and left.

Anyway, I gave Mrs. H the report, and after several apologies, she rolled her eyes and escorted me back to the room to work things out. All the teachers were gone by then, however. With the copy machine up and working again, she apologized a couple more times and said that she would clarify things with the other faculty as soon as she could, and then had me get back to work. After she left, I snuck out to the office, though, and asked if they had a badge for substitute teachers or student teachers. They did, and I put the badge in my pocket and returned to the copy room. I got through most of the stack, and was in the middle of the last few copies, when an arm from behind me reached around and pushed the "Stop" button on the machine, and a familiar voice said, "Didn't I just tell you that you weren't allowed in here? Come with me."

He turned to go, but I touched his arm, holding up my badge and said, "Sir, I'm sorry, but I'm a student at Cornerstone University. I'm working with Mrs. H. this semester."

He had just opened his mouth to say something, but at that, he snapped it shut and a look of horror passed over him again, and he said, "Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry! I thought you were...I just thought.....I mean, I...I'm very sorry. I thought you were a student! I feel SO awful; here, what can I do for you?"

After that, he was very kind and helpful, and I managed to get everything done just fine. It was all just a misunderstanding, and I got his name after that, and we chatted a bit, and we're pretty much best friends now, but that was the highlight of my morning, haha. Oh man...high school....lol.

I still don't understand how he could have thought that I was a student when I was dressed in a suit and tie and it was pajama day during spirit week today, so all the students were in their PJs...ha. Oh well, I guess that's what I get for having such a cute little baby face... haha. Maybe I do need to bring back the harley biker beard! ;-)

alone with my thoughts

For some reason this week has gone by extra quickly. I can't even really remember what I did to fill my time. I think part of that is because I have filled my 7 day schedule to the brink with classes, soccer practice, work (3 different jobs), DC small group, morning prayer meetings, Community Group, captain's meetings, DC training seminars, church, volunteer work, tutoring, and Teacher Assisting just for that reason -- so that I don't have time to sit around too much. I've just discovered over the years that it's not always healthy for me to have too much spare time to myself. I don't know -- I'm weird -- I scored exactly the same score in each category of "Extrovert" and "Introvert" on the Myer Briggs Personality test, ha. While big groups of people drain me, and I'm not real outgoing, and I enjoy time alone to read or walk or just rest, I still absolutely love people (I'm studying to be a teacher, after all) and often being alone is actually just as bad for me -- it can be very draining too sometimes. I know that there is a balance for all people, but it just takes time to figure out what you can handle personally and where your limits are. It's a process that I'm still working through. :-)

Anyway, today is one of those rare days that I do have some time. 9 hours of time, actually. Ha. I came in to the gym today to work stats for a women's basketball game, but now I'm sitting at the front desk working supervisor shift for the next 7 hours. Lots of times there are events or set up or tear down that I will be working on during this time, but not today. Which is nice - I have homework to work on and a book to read and scholarship applications to fill out (and blogs to update), but it's also just a lot of time, ha. But I'll manage. :-)

So I got started thinking this weekend about "places of peace." Or at least that's what I call them. I'm not exactly sure how to describe them, though. They're those very specific places in my life where I go sometimes to get away. They're those places where, when I'm there, I just feel removed from everything that's going on -- there's no pressure to perform or to work or to get things done or to be any certain way -- I can just be.

Some of them are very peculiar places. The shower in my apartment is one of them, ha. Maybe now you know a little better what I'm talking about? When you're in the shower, it's just you and the hot water and your thoughts -- there's no interruptions or work to be done or immediate concerns -- it's just relaxing. Peaceful.

There's a niche in the corner of the library behind some bookshelves that's like that too, funny as it sounds, haha. It's just a place I'll go sometimes between classes or what not to read or take a nap even. The shelves are full of huge, dusty research books, so no one ever goes back there, and every time I go there, it's just the same feeling -- I can just breathe.

My car is another one of those places (when I'm in there alone), and the prayer room in my dorm (I think I'm the only one who uses it), and the dirt road over the hills behind my house in Camarma, and trains (yes, trains). I'm sure that we all have some odd places like this. It's just an interesting concept.

And then, of course, this got me started thinking if there was such a thing as "people of peace." Same concept: when you're with them, you can just breathe... I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know that there are many people like that in my life. Is that a good thing to be? It's a curious question... Was Jesus like that? I don't feel like it would have ever been very peaceful being around Jesus -- at least not as a disciple of his -- there would always be this pressure to succeed, to measure up, I feel. It seems like he was always rebuking someone... There aren't many times recorded in the gospel when Jesus stopped just to encourage someone or listen to their family problems or laugh at a joke or cry with them or help them do their homework or carry their luggage....it's always made me wonder how much of that actually went on behind the scenes...

Because the crowds were drawn to him like sheep looking for a shepherd. There must have been something very peaceful about him...something very affirming -- very gentle...and yet very strong.. And I know that we are called to live at peace with one another as far as it is possible with us. But is that the same thing? It just makes me wonder what I need to work on in order to get to that place....to be a "person of peace." Where when people are with me, they can let down their facade for a moment and laugh or cry or rest or joke or converse intimately with no fear -- even with people I who bug me sometimes.. But especially with those who are close to me... I want to be a true encourager, a true servant, a true giver, and a true forgiver. To be a person of contagious joy and thankfulness all the time who has not a care for himself or his problems, but only for the people around him...

That's where I so desperately want to be, and yet I've got such a long way to go... I'm working on it..

first day of high school

Tomorrow morning is my first day of high school in 3 years. Ha. I'm taking a class this semester called Teacher Assistant Practicum (TAP), where I have to log 5 hours/week at a local high school being a teacher's aide. I've been located at Northpointe Christian High School in a Spanish classroom. I'm technically an English major, so I should be in an English classroom, but I guess there were no more positions available by the time they got around to me, so since I'm fluent in Spanish, that's where I ended up. And that's fine - I'm happy with it - the classroom experience is what I really need. Tomorrow will be my first day meeting the kids and getting introduced to the classroom and the routines, but after a few days, I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of grading, making copies, leading activities, designing bulletin boards, etc. I even have to have myself videotaped teaching a lesson by the end of the semester for evaluation. I know it's all nothing like student teaching or being a full time teacher for that matter, but it's a huge step for me, especially as I'm still so doubtful about my abilities and general calling to the classroom. I absolutely love kids, but there are so many doubts still...

Thanks for all your prayers always.. If you would, too, be praying for Breana also, as she heads to India this week. I am so excited for what the Lord has for her there, and yet I know that there will be many hard times too... I worry for her a good bit, but I know that she will be doing what she loves most. :-) Just pray that God would bless the work of her hands and the words of her mouth there -- that He would be sufficient for her, and that He would give her the strength that she needs every day to keep serving and loving like Jesus. We will all miss her...

And last of all, for tonight, I don't want to go into depth, but I just want you to know that I could really use your prayers right now too. This last week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, and I am just feeling so torn and broken. I need Jesus. Pray that I would really fix my eyes on Him right now, and that His Spirit would lead me into truth, and heal the wounds with grace, and give me peace, and enable me to run the race this semester. But most of all, pray that He would teach me to just be still and wait for Him. I struggle with that so much. I know that He will bring me out....sometimes it's just a long road..

I am so thankful for each of you, my friends. Thank you for everything.

letting go

...back to Michigan....

I think I'm ready now, though.. It just feels ok now...

There is some part of me that is deeply tired still, but every day He leads me beside peaceful waters.
I am fearful about this semester, but every day His rod and His staff bring me comfort.
I am stepping in to an unfamiliar place, but even in the presence of my enemies, He prepares a feast for me.
I feel dry, but every day I am amazed at the riches that run over.
Surely....

Surely......

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all of the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of YHWH - The Most High God - forever...

After all.....He is my shepherd. :-)


It is well with my soul...

:-)

love

When I got up this morning, my mom handed me a short article that she had randomly found on her desk that she thought I might find interesting. I don't know where she got it from or why she thought of me when she read it, but she did, and it really hit me in a deep and intimate way. I wish that I could find the words to articulate what has been going through my head over the last month so that you could really understand how much this meant for me this morning, but I know this much - it was an answer to prayer from God. He is so good. :-)

-----

I Corinthians 13 - A Guide to Culture

If I speak in the tongue of a national, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I wear the national dress and understand the culture and all forms of etiquette, and if I copy all mannerisms so that I could pass for a national but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor, and if I spend my energy without reserve, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love endures long hours of language study, and is kind to those who mock his accent; love does not envy those who stayed home; love does not exalt his home culture - is not proud of his national superiority.

Love does not boast about "the way we do it back home," does not seek his own ways, is not easily provoked into telling about the beauty of his home country, does not think evil about this culture;

Love bears all criticism about his home culture, believes all good things about this new culture, confidently anticipates being at home in this place, endures all inconveniences.

Love never fails; but where there is cultural anthropology, it will fail; where there is contextualization, it will lead to syncretism; where there is linguistics, it will change.

For we know only part of the culture and we minister to only part. But when Christ is reproduced in this culture, then our inadequacies will be insignificant.

When I was in America, I spoke as an American, I understood as an American, I thought as an American; but when I left America, I put American things away.

Now we adapt to this culture awkwardly, but He will live in it intimately; now I speak with a strange accent, but He will speak to the heart.

And now these three remain: cultural adaptation, language study, and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

-----

A long time ago I remember my dad saying once, "God does not call the qualified; He calls the willing, then He qualifies them."

he loves to give his people rest... :-)

Our family got back today from a 3 day weekend retreat which was SO refreshing. The idea was just to get away for a few days to be able to talk and rest and do some focusing. Ever since mom and dad and crew got here on the 25th, we've all been together, but we haven't had a moment to ourselves; it was good to get away. We spent the time at a cottage in the middle of nowhere with no tv or internet, and spent most of our time reading, playing games, going on walks, talking, wrestling with Dave, and goofing off... It was good to catch up with people and was just something I needed.

I'm not sure that I'm ready to head back up to school again quite yet, but I think I'm getting closer. I still have a few more days to figure it out. ;-)

I'll just add that I continue to be amazed and inspired by what I have been reading in a book called Three Cups of Tea that I got for Christmas about this guy who builds schools for impoverished children in the Pakistan region and Islamic culture -- something inside of me is restless to go out and serve and become a part of something larger than myself. Something inside of me is sickened by the thought of mediocrity and easiness and convenience, and something inside of me jumps at the thought of working in places like the Middle East to love on people and make a difference, despite the hoard of doubts and fears that claw for my attention...

And on the subject of books, I have also been completely blown away once more by what I have read (for the third time) in Rob Bell's bestseller, Sex God. It is definitely a must read for every person - Christian on not, married or single, young or old - it addresses all people, and its insights into the mind of God and humans as divine image bearing individuals are absolutely brilliant. It's well worth your time -- whether you have it or not! ;-)

Anyway, it's late tonight I'm up early tomorrow morning to go with my dad to Lexington for the day to help my uncle move, so I'm off to bed! Praise the Lord for rest! :-)

dad, my hero :-)

So I went out to the car this morning to run some errands with my dad, and I got outside only to see that my dad had gone out and bought and replaced all of my car's hub caps! haha. We had been working on the car some last week, and it was then that he had noticed that one of my hub caps was missing, so while I was gone yesterday, he took the time and energy to go out and get me new ones and put them on himself.

When I mentioned it this morning, he just smiled and said it must have been from Santa. ;-) ha.. What a great guy!

WARNING: this is equivalent to a 4 page paper! ;-)

A Search for Truth: An Informal Essay

Lately I have given much thought to what the Christian philosophy on education is -- if such a thing even exists...? It is very confusing and frustrating because there do not seem to be any clear cut answers, and yet I know that there must be a Biblical perspective. So I guess I'm writing this partly to "voice" my thoughts (as I am a linguistic processor), but also partly to receive input and opinions from anyone reading this.. They would be much appreciated.

I feel like I should first give you a brief overview of my educational background. I was homeschooled from age 4 through the first part of my 2nd grade year due to the fact that my parents were traveling all over the country raising support to leave for the mission field, and it was terribly inconvenient to have 2 kids in a formal school at that time. I was placed in a local public school for the second half of my 2nd grade year, however, and by the end of that year, my parents were ready to head to Costa Rica for language training. I completed most of my 3rd and 4th grade years there in San Jose at a private American Christian school. After that, my parents were ready to head to Spain where they planned to serve full time. Once in Spain, I attended ECA (Evangelical Christian Academy), a very small, diverse, private American Christian school for missionary kids to prepare them for higher level education in the United States, through my Freshman year of high school. During my Sophomore year, my parents took a year long furlough in the U.S., and I attended the same public school that I had attended in the 2nd grade, but this time as a high schooler and for a whole year. After that year, we flew back to Madrid, where I finished up my last 2 years of high school, graduated, and began attending Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where I am today.

So that's me. And here is my dilemma: as Christians, what is our calling/duty in terms of educating our own children?

There are advantages and disadvantages to all three options -- homeschooling, Christian schooling, or public schooling. But I am not so concerned with which method is easier or more "safe" or more flexible or even more academically or socially advantageous. I am mostly concerned with which is right. Or perhaps better stated: with which is wisest.

Here has been my train of thought on this issue so far: The purpose of education, as I see it, is to raise up children in such a way that they are equipped with the knowledge and skills necessary to be men and women of irreproachable character and integrity as well as intelligent, responsible, contributing members of society. That came pretty much straight out of my Mission Statement as an educator. But that is how I see things, and it is from that foundation that I perceive everything else on this subject. Education is a huge part of "raising children" -- I do not see them as separate -- if I were to make this into a graph, "Raising Children" would be represented by a large circle, and "Education" would form a smaller circle inside of the first. All of education is a part of raising children.

And this is important because while the Bible does not say a whole lot on what our responsiblity is as Christian parents in terms of academically educating our children, it has TONS to say on what our responsibility is as Christian parents in terms of raising our children, and so when it talks about how children should be raised, those same principles should be applied to how our children should be educated. Right? I feel like this might be a place where people will challenge my reasoning..? That's ok -- that's what I'm writing this for.

Anyway, we are all familiar with verses such as the one in Proverbs that says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." I think there is much wisdom and truth in that saying, although there are always exceptions. But in general, I think that most Christians would agree that this passage implies that kids should be raised being taught out of a foundation of Biblical Truth, and being taught how to live as importantly (if not more so??) as being taught the right knowledge and skills necessary to be an intelligent, contributing member of society. Still tracking?

Furthermore, when looking at the Bible and how education was set up in the Jewish culture, this idea is backed up: young Jewish boys were educated in the local synagogues from a young age, while girls were taught at home. In both settings, they were instructed from a foundation of Biblical Truth, and were instructed on how to live as well as what they needed to know to survive. And God was always very adamant that parents should instruct their children on godly living from an early age, and that the Hebrews (and later, Christians) should not mix and intermarry with non-believing peoples -- in large part, I believe, so that other pagan ideas and influences would not be brought into the homes, causing children to stray. Am I taking stuff out of context here? Or extrapolating too much..? I am not trying to take sides -- I am only trying to understand the truth here based on patterns and ideas that I see in the Bible...

Anyway, because of these ideas, from a purely Biblical standpoint, it seems to me that homeschooling and Christian schooling are the most wise and "right" options for our children. And yet I have a problem with that. But first, let me finish: I see these two as the best options, because only in those 2 environments can our kids be taught Truth, and only in these environments can our kids be taught priciples of wise Christian living based on the Bible. The public school does not allow for that. Why should we allow our kids to be educated in a system that is 1) opposed to teaching Biblical Truth (there is NO neutral ground), 2) that encourages many Biblically immoral behaviors, and that 3) has fostered an environment where student peer-pressure to conform to immorality is immense because the system does not accept any foundation of truth from which to train and discipline its students.

Why would Christians ever allow their kids to have a large part of their "being raised" to happen in such an environment when the Bible is so clear on how our kids should be raised?

Yet I see the other side of the issue as well. As Christians, are we not commanded to live in the world and wrestle with it? Are we not commanded to engage? Were we ever commanded to shelter ourselves? Didn't Jesus set the example and befriend (not only befriend, but actually commune with!) the worst of sinners? Were his last words not that we should "go into all the world, making disciples"? Doesn't this command go for all Christians, and not just adults? Do you see..? There is a controversy here, it seems....

I see both sides. And I guess here is the temporary, half-hesitant understanding that I have come to after thinking so much about this... I believe wholeheartedly that kids need to be brought up "in the way they should go," because 1) as a good father, I would only ever wish to impart Truth to my children, and 2) because as a good father, I desire more than anything to see my kids succeed and be blessed in the Lord, and so I will do everything in my power to train up my kids in the Lord. Therefore, I believe that kids should be well grounded in Biblical truth FIRST. And I do not believe that that can happen well if the kids are simultaneously attending a public school. And some may ask, "Can you not train up your child in the right way at home, and then send them to school?" And my answer is: I don't know. It just seems to me that at such a crucial time in their lives -- when they are establishing what is True and good and right -- by allowing them to attend a public school, they will be hearing opposite things through each ear. Why take the risk in confusing your kid by teaching him one thing at home and then sending him off where he is taught (or pressured) into behaving or believing the complete opposite in many instances? Maybe a little sheltering is good and wise at a young age... Just like we shelter our kids from seeing certain movies or reading certain books or engaging in certain activities at a young age until they have developed sound judgment -- the same only makes sense when considering education.

Because then there is the second part of the proverb: "and when he is old, he will not depart from it." See, it used to seem to me that "when he is old" meant like, maybe 70 years old. Because that's old. But I don't think that's what it really means. See, the whole proverb is speaking to the human condition; it is addressing the fact that every human operates off of a foundation of beliefs. A person's beliefs directly influences a person's behavior. And so this proverb is exhorting Christian parents to train up their children in such a way that these Biblical foundations of beliefs are established in their lives, and once this happens, this belief system will directly influence their actions so that their actions will be consistent with their beliefs and they will not stray from the foundation they received. At least that is the theory -- and for the most part, that is the rule. Because it takes quite a bit for someone to become convinced that their foundational beliefs are wrong. It is only after our children have developed and adopted this foundation that it is right for parents to "release" them into the world -- yes, Jesus engaged the world and befriended Gentile sinners and commanded his followers to engage the world, but only after he had been trained up and tested; for Jesus, that process of "readying" himself took 30 years... But yet his disciples were commanded to engage the world as teenagers -- the age is irrelevant -- only that each man knew who he was and what he was about and what he stood for before he was ready to go out.

So, Aaron, give me a straight answer: public school, Christian school, or homeschool? Unfortunately, I have no straight answer for you, mostly because I do not believe this question has a straight, simple answer. I think it has a very complex answer, actually. But I will put it this way: I believe that Christian parents should start out by having their kids educated in a place they will be taught Truth, and where they will be disciplined well, held accountable for their actions, and where they will be able to see solid Christian living modeled for them. Whether it is via homeschool or a Christian school, those things are what is important at that stage. (Personally, I prefer Christian schooling.) Then, once they have established and adopted the Biblical foundation for their own (if they do), should parents feel free to make the decision whether or not to send them to a public school. I think that this age will vary from child to child, but personally (and perhaps somewhat naively?), I would think that it would be wise to keep kids in a largely Christian environment up until sometime in middle school.

Anyway, that is the longest entry that I have ever written, by far, and so actually I am very discouraged at the moment, because I do not think many people will take the time to read it, and yet I want feedback. I hope that those of you who did read it have benefitted from it, or at the very least, that you have been challenged by it. And I am especially hoping that some of you will comment back and challenge me in return. :-) Blessings!

a deeeeeeep breath...

Seeing as how I have not updated this blog since sometime late last year (har har), I felt that it was time to fill in all of my die hard blogspot reader fans on the recent excitement -- nay, more like thriller-esque-fingernail-biting-edge-of-your-seat-action-frenzied-adventuresome-last-3-weeks -- of my life.

AKA "family"

Haha. It all started out when my sister Lynnette and I came down from Michigan to Kentucky to spend our 5 week Christmas break with family. Apart from a 3 day trip to Nashville to visit my aunt and her kids, we spent a pretty laid back first week and a half with our grandparents. Our parents and 2 younger siblings were supposed to arrive from Spain on the 23rd and spend Christmas with us all, but they got stuck in Chicago by a huge snowstorm for two days and couldn't make it down until Christmas evening. Which was kinda hard. Even though I've been away for a while, it was the first time in my life that I'd had to spend most of Christmas day away from my immediate family. At least I got to see them, though. God is good. :-)

That's when the craziness started.

We spent 2 days celebrating Christmas with my mom's parents and their extended family, and then we went down to Richmond (an hour south) to see my dad's parents and his extended family for 4 days. It was the first time in almost 10 years (?) that my dad's family has all been together at once (one of my uncles and his family are missionaries in France, we lived in Spain, and the rest are spread out along the whole east coast). And my dad has 4 other siblings, all with fairly decent sized families. So needless to say, things were crazy. We ended up counting, and in all, there were 16 crazy cousins, 12 enthused adults, 4 yelping dogs, 1 annoyed cat, and 1 crochety old parakeet -- all under one roof. Well, the oldest 6 boy cousins ended up sleeping in the church down the road due to a lack of facilities at grandma's house, but for the most part, we were all under one roof. And to top it all off, we were all Mussers. And I'm just going to leave it at that for now -- I can't even begin to describe the crazy atmosphere -- you'll have to experience it sometime for yourselves. Well, except for some of you fanatic, avid amusser11 blogspot readers.....I'm not sure I want you all to come...that just might be creepy....

Anyway, then we headed back up to our other grandparent's house again because mom's brother and family from Ohio had come down to visit. So we spent 4 more days up there. Dad helped me fix my car (changed the spark plugs, fixed a kinked fuel line, installed a new radio (Woohoo!!), fixed a broken emergency break cable, fixed some leaking windows, and rotated the tires (which ended up being a 4+ hour long ordeal as one of the tires had rusted to the drum and would not come off even after being beaten with a sledgehammer...we DID finally get it off, though), and we finally left on Sunday to come back down to Richmond, because David and Emily start school today (Monday).

So here I am now, sprawled out on the couch in the basement of mamaw's (grandma's) house, while mom and dad organize and move in (the basement is a furnished apartment with 2 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms, a living room, and kitchenette, where mom and dad and fam will be living for the next 6 months), taking my first deep breath, it seems, in.....well....a long time.

You can be praying for my younger brother and sister... They just started high school today in a public school not far from here. It's the same school that I attended during my sophomore year of high school here in the U.S., but it's their first time ever in an American public high school, and their big brother is feeling a little anxious for them... Yesterday I reminded David to say no to drugs and peer pressure and to make lots of new friends (but NOT girl friends!), and also to stop, drop, and roll (see diagram) if he's ever on fire. That's about as much American public high school orientation as he's ever had before. Neither of them had ever even opened a combination locker lock before yesterday (as far as I know) when we went in to figure out his class schedule. They could just use some prayer...ha..


And also be praying for my parents as they settle in here. From next weekend until May 29th, mom and dad have every single weekend full, visiting supporters and supporting churches all over the east coast. They'll be traveling through about 8 different states over the next 15 weeks visiting people, all the while my brother and sister will be in school here and dad will be trying to fit in a required internship he has to complete for his second master's degree. It's just a lot going on...

Anyway, mom is calling me to help unpack some things and move some furniture around this morning, so I better jump at it. I have the next week and a half pretty free, though, before I head back up to icy MI, and I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking over this break, so you'll be hearing more from me pretty soon. I'm sure you avid fans out there can't wait. ;-) Peace!

P.S. -- I just remembered this that I had to share! My brother told me that on their flight from Chicago to Cincinnati on Christmas day, a guy dressed up as Santa was flying on the same flight. I guess my brother saw him in line and asked him if he had lost his reindeer, to which he looked annoyedly at my brother and sarcastically replied, "Ho, ho, ho." Hahaha, I just wish I had been there... ;-)