Ok, here's a question: "If you could know what anybody was saying or thinking about you at any given time, would you want to know?"

It's something that I've always thought about, and I think that most people I've asked have immediately responded, "No!" So I don't know, maybe I'm just weird, but see, I've always wanted to know that!

I mean, I think a big part of that is the fact that I'm a peacemaker, a people-pleaser (to a fault, sometimes), and very anti-conflict, and so I thrive on knowing what other people think of me. Which is usually an unhealthy thing, I take it, but it's true! My worst fear is that of being disliked or ostracized, I can't stand the thought of social rejection, and I absolutely die inside at the thought that someone might seriously hate me! Maybe that sounds sad or pathetic, but it's true -- I don't know what else to say...

But I know what you're thinking: "Wait, so if you can't stand the thought of people hating you, why would you want to know what everyone thinks of you? You're undoubtedly going to figure out that some people think you're arrogant or a jerk or insensitive or stupid or annoying." But see, that's the thing: because I can't stand conflict, I don't have any enemies that I know of. Now, there are people I don't care to be around much, but I don't know of anyone whom I simply can't stand. And I'm not trying to brag; I'm just trying to make a point. Because I can't help but wonder if there are people out there who can't stand to be around me. And if there are, then why? What can I do better? How have I hurt that person? How can I make amends? I'm a people-pleaser -- I just want everyone to be happy (ha, sounds funny, but it's SO true) -- and so if there are people out there who hate me, I crave to know why and what I can do about it. That's why I want to know what people think about me.

But if you can't relate to that or it just doesn't sound like you, then think about this: have you ever been talking with someone, and they suddenly tell you something along the lines of, "Some friends and I were talking about you the other day and we all agreed that you were __(fill in the blank)__." Has that ever happened to you? And then did you ever just not hear the rest of what that person was saying simply because you were dying to know why he or she was talking about you and what all else they said about you? Or have you ever met someone you've never seen before, but they know someone you know and they say, "Oh yeah, so-and-so has told me all about you!"?

Think about it. See, I think that most people are surprised by the idea that they come up in other people's conversations when they're not around. But it happens ALL the time!! When was the last time that you talked to a friend or family member about someone else?? I bet you can remember exactly when the last time was and who you were talking about and what you said, even, because it happens to all of us ALL the time. Watch yourself one day and count how many times you talk about someone else when they're not around. And then think about how many times you must come up in other people's conversations DAILY, that you don't even know about! Don't tell me that you're not curious by now. haha. You want to know. ;-) lol.

Anyway, I don't even think I was going anywhere with that, and I'm not entirely sure why I wrote it all down, but I guess it's just been on my mind. It's an interesting question. :-)