beginnings

So I've been realizing lately how important it is for me (as a verbal processor) to be able to get all the thoughts in my head out in the open, whether that's through conversation or poetry or journaling, and so in a moment of original inspiration (no, actually that's a lie, haha -- I was reading a friend's Xanga, and I was like, "Why aren't I still journaling?"), I decided to give this whole blogging deal another run. :-)

I guess actually tonight there's not a whole lot on my mind, except that I just started listening to DC Talk's "Greatest Hits" album for the first time in.......ages. Haha. I think it's probably one of my all-time favorite albums -- some of these songs never get old and they bring back SO many memories.... It's funny how certain songs or phrases or even smells can sometimes bring back memories like that or take you back to specific moments in time as well as any picture could...

Memory.......what a beautiful thing, huh? I think sometimes it's easy to curse memory... And I think that, for some reason, we tend to dwell on negative memories, but think what life would be like without memory! Can you imagine that?? There would be no point in schooling, no foundation for relationships, no possibilities for personal improvement and maturity, and ultimately, no room for dreaming. Life without memory -- good memories AND bad memories -- would be........lifeless.

It all just reminds me of C.S. Lewis' quote: "It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily, reject the good that God offers us because, at the moment, we expected some other good." It's something I know I struggle with, for sure -- it's so easy for me to get wrapped up in my plans and hopes and expectations, and then to sulk and complain when things don't go as I had hoped. And it's easy to look back at the past and feel regret or look to the future and worry, but what C.S. Lewis was saying is that sometimes it just takes a shift in our attitude to see beauty and blessing in brokenness -- to see an eternal, victorious plan in the form of a dead man on a cross. And sometimes it takes time, and sometimes you don't ever see that blessing.. And that's when Jesus smiles and patiently puts his hand on your shoulder and looks you in the eyes and says, "My son, where is your faith?"