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To My Brilliant Students

2011-02-09T11:07:00.000-08:00

In honor of some of the most brilliant minds that I have the privilege of shaping for the good of humanity for the next generation, I would like to list some of the things both heard and written in my classroom this school year so far:

"For me Hawan was very difficult to handle because 1 second he upsets me then the next minute he apologizes, so Hawans behavior was very much like an Ethiopian weather." - P, one of my Ethiopian students, 8th grade, written in a journal entry

"Mr. Musser! I know a shortcut! But....it'll take a little longer than the normal way." - O, another of my 8th grade students, spoken to me while on a class outing at the mall

"I miss thy hug that was warmer than a fire pot." - HJ, one of my Korean ELL (English Language Learners) students, 11th grade, in a poem where they were supposed to practice using similies and metaphors

"And I will be waiting for you until the sunlight turns to moonshine." - HJ, again, in the same poem

"All of a sudden he heard stomping noses!" - Z, 7th grade, in a short story, attempting to say "stomping noises"

"But the decision was final: we were moving to Turkey; I had no choice but to adopt." - P, again, trying to say that he had no choice but to "adapt"

"Why do I have to be Justin Bieber?!? Why can't P be Justin Bieber??" - EJ, my blond-headed Dutch student with a bowl cut, overheard by me while he was working in a group with P, my Ethiopian student, and KE, a Korean girl, to come up with a skit for the class

"Elves don't do DRUGS!" - E, 7th grade, shouted out in the middle of class when another student was reading his short story out loud about an elf who was plotting to assassinate his king by slipping a lethal "drug" into his wine

"Her situation was severe - she had a bad Bruce on her spine which was so painful to her." - S, one of my Turkish 11th grade ELLs, in her short story about a girl who has a diving accident; she was trying to say that the girl had a bad "bruise" on her spine

"I liked how the book ends with this uncertainty which could mean a squeal." - D, 11th grade, referring to a possible "sequel"

"Yes, I believe it is important how you loook because if you have a job and you visit a customer with only your underwear, he's not going to trust you." B, 7th grade, in a journal entry responding to the prompt: Should people care about what they look like?

"In 20 years I will be 33 and I will probably be an adult... Even though I think that Jesus will probably come before I'm 33, but still, living long can be a good thing, right?" - DL, 7th grade, Korean ELL student

Student M: "Mr. Musser! Sometimes A puts her head close to mine and then she burps in my ear!"
Me (to Student A): "Eww, that's gross! Why would you do that??"
Student A (quite innocently): "It's my personality!"

I hope you enjoyed it! ;-)

Turkish.....not-so-Delight

2010-09-28T09:32:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had a Turkish adventure.

It's been approximately 2 months since I moved here this summer, and I had recently decided that it was time for a haircut, lest I eventually break the school's no-hair-covering-the-ears dress code policy. Now, I HAVE had one haircut in Turkey before at a local Turkish salon when I was here last spring, but at that time I had an interpreter to help me through the process.

When my roommate mentioned offhandedly last week that he was also wanting a haircut, I decided that it was time to go. Because of the fact that neither one of us really speaks much Turkish, we asked around for a Turkish speaker to accompany us, but no one was available (whom we trusted, at least) over the weekend. So finally, on Saturday afternoon, I just thought, "Whatever. I can figure this out." (an MK's famous last words) and headed for the salon. On my way my roommate called me and asked me what I was up to, and when he found out I was going to get my hair cut, he asked if he could join me. I explained that I didn't have a translator and I was planning on winging it. Knowing that if he didn't join me in winging it, he would be left to wing it on his own later, he readily agreed to join me at his own risk.

Before we went into the shop, we huddled up and I told him the game plan: we would go into the shop, sit down, point to our heads and say, "Bir santimetre burda," which roughly translates to, "1 centimeter here." It had taken me the whole walk to the shop to put together a comprehensible phrase in Turkish with my VERY limited vocabulary to get my message across, and so needless to say, by the time we stepped in the shop, I was practically brimming with pride at my own brilliance. I was well aware that the sentence was primitive at best, but it seemed foolproof, and that's all I cared about.

My roommate was the first in line, and so when a chair opened up, he sat down and followed my instructions. I was so proud of him. The barber nodded his head (with a grin) and confirmed, "Bir?" ("One?"), to which we unanimously replied, "Evet, bir." ("Yes, one."). The barber nodded again, and turned to attach the appropriate clip to the buzzer. Then, just like that, he turned back around and shaved the top of my roommate's head bald. And we're talking BALD, bald. Nowhere NEAR 1 centimeter.

By the time I was able to pick up my jaw off the floor, a new chair had opened up, and it was my turn. Frantically, I scrambled for a Plan B. The barber was now looking at me with a big question written across his face. Panicking, I tried Plan A, but when his response was simply to cock his head sideways like a parakeet, I knew I had to try something else - fast. Spinning around, I saw the 12 year old-ish boy they had working at the shop sweeping, etc., and noticed that his hair was about the length I wanted. Pointing at him excitedly and looking up at the barber with the buzzer poised above my head, I did my best to make him understand that I wanted my hair to look like the boy's. His gaze swung to follow my finger, and when he saw the boy, he almost doubled over laughing.

I was confused.

He proceeded to rattle off something to his fellow barbers, and when they had all had a good laugh, and he noticed my still confused face, he smiled and pointed at the boy and said something else in Turkish. Hearing him, the boy grinned shyly and turned around revealing the back of his head and probably the most hideous looking mullet that I've ever seen on a 12 year old boy in my life. I didn't need to understand what the still very amused barber tried to ask me next; my answer was an emphatic "Hayir, HAYIR!!" ("No, NO!"). This only produced another hearty laugh from him before he nodded that he understood and began trimming.

Although I still didn't get quite what I was looking for, my trim was a lot closer to what I wanted than my poor roommate. (On a side note, I DID think it would be somewhat humorous if we had both walked in to school with new haircuts on Monday morning to show off to our students - the Bible teacher as a skinhead and the English teacher as an 80's rock star). As for him, he has taken it all in stride like a champ.....although I am not expecting to have another haircutting buddy again when I go back for round 2 in two more months. :-)

Great is His Faithfulness!

2010-08-28T02:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I finished my first week of full-time teaching. "Exhausting" is the main word that I can think of to describe the week, but even still, He has given me supernatural strength and abundant joy as I have needed it. And I am so thankful. School only started on Wednesday, but all week long I put in roughly 12 hours a day AT SCHOOL and then another 2-3 hours of work at home again after dinner. I am teaching 5 different preps (classes), grades 7-11, in two different languages, with about 70 students in total representing some 20-30 different nationalities. I have 3-5 students in almost every class who only speak a half a dozen phrases in English and about the same number who could skip a grade or two and still excel. Combine all that with the fact that our water got shut off for a few days in the mix and that it's been around 100 degrees every day for the past few weeks, and you can probably see how it hasn't been the easiest week.

But all the busyness has caused me to fall hard on the One who does not grow tired or weary and whose right hand is never too weak. Yesterday as I was walking home from school around 8pm (on a Friday night), I just felt drained and overwhelmed with how much more work I still have waiting for me this weekend, so I started to pray. And as I prayed, I was just inexplicably overwhelmed with thanksgiving. I was reminded that this is what I came here for. I came here looking for a desert - to be stretched, to feel weak and inadequate, to be humbled - so that I would be forced every day to look outside of myself and my circumstances for my strength. Because I know that when I am doing that, I will live through Him and He will live through me, and that is the building blocks of the Kingdom.

And that is what we want to see here - the Kingdom. Invading. Expanding. Prevailing. My prayer for Ankara is for the Miracle of Nineveh - for the Spirit of the Father to pour down on this broken place because of the obedient witness of a few cracked, clay jars.

He can do it. And so much more.

My Two Bible Heroes

2010-07-22T03:06:00.000-07:00

I have been so encouraged after reading out of Luke 2 this morning. It's hard for me to read about the Christmas story because it's a story that I'm so familiar with that I usually find myself skimming through the chapter to get to "the good stuff" after it - you know....the stuff about Jesus.

But this morning I forced myself to slow down and I am so glad that I did. I think this is the first time that I've ever read through this story and actually paused after each thought and tried to visualize the characters and put myself in their positions, behind their eyes, and in their heads. And these people came to life for the first time ever for me.

As a result of my careful reading this morning, I've developed a whole new level of respect for Mary and Joseph as people, but what compelled me to journal today was not what I discovered about Mary and Joseph, but what I discovered about Simeon and Anna. They are my heroes. In fact, after today, I think that of all the people mentioned in the Bible, they could be my favorites.

Simeon is described as "a righteous man" who was "filled with the Holy Spirit" and who "eagerly expected the Messiah to come and rescue Israel." Wow....what a way to be remembered.. I would ask that someone write a note for me that this is what I want recorded on my grave one day: "He was a righteous man who was filled with the Holy Spirit who eagerly expected the Messiah to come and take away His Bride," but already it is not true of me because a man who is eagerly expecting the Messiah to come never thinks about his grave. But I pray to God that He would make me like that.

But it gets better - Luke says that one day the Spirit led Simeon to the Temple; this is the verse that smoked me:

"...so when Mary and Joseph came to present the baby Jesus to the Lord as the law required, Simeon was there."

That's what verse 28 says: "Simeon was there."

Waiting. Expecting. Eagerly.

He was already there. He wasn't about to miss it. The groom appeared like a thief in the night - as an 8 day old baby among thousands of people in the Temple that day - but Simeon was there waiting and his lantern was filled with oil and he wasn't about to be left behind.

That's the Kingdom. Wow.

But it still gets better. Because then Anna walks into the room. Except that I picture her running into the room - well, at least as fast as an 84 year old woman can run. And she has the biggest smile on her face that anyone has ever seen, and like an excited grandma arriving at the hospital to see her first grandson ever, she's hobbling as fast as she can down the hall looking in every room she passes, absolutely elated and continually repeating, "Where is he?? Where is he?? Where's my grandson??"

Expecting. Eagerly. Ready.

I can't read her story without crying:

"Anna, a prophet, was also there in the Temple. ...She was a widow, for her husband had died when they had been married only 7 years. She was now 84 years old. She never left the Temple, but stayed there day and night, worshiping God with fasting and prayer. She came along just as Simeon was talking with Mary and Joseph, and she began praising God."

But the next part is my favorite of all:

"She talked about Jesus to everyone."

Can you see it? Close your eyes and picture it. Picture her hobbling into that room, out of breath, desperately scanning the crowd for the One she knows is there - so hopeful - yet afraid she's already missed it - and then she sees the baby.....and she knows. She just knows. Her lantern is filled with oil and she knows. Her heart jumps into her throat and her stomach twists and she knows. Picture that woman's face. Her eyes. Her hands covering her mouth. Tears. Picture her walking over, ignoring Simeon in the middle of his blessing. She and that baby are the only two in the room. And then she gets to that spot and she sees Mary for the first time and her eyes are full of tears and all she can do is look into her face and hold out her hands to ask for the baby. Mary looks to her husband and then Simeon and then back to the woman, but then she understands....and she slowly hands over her son.

Picture Anna taking that 8 day old baby and looking into his face. And she knows. She has been waiting for 80 years - how could she not know what His face would look like?

And just like that, she looks up and grabs the shoulder of the nearest person she can find and spins him around and says, "Look! This is the One - this is Emmanuel." And then she moves on to the next person. And the next. And the next. This is Emmanuel. She doesn't care what people think; she simply can't contain her joy. I couldn't help but think after reading this that I am totally content with where I am right now, but that if I should ever think about marrying someone one day, I hope I don't even consider it unless she has a heart like Anna's.

Hebrews says that "All these faithful ones died without ever receiving what God had promised them..." But Simeon and Anna saw - one ordinary, hard-working, righteous man who lived expecting to see the Messiah every day, and one overlooked, lonely 84 year old widow who was far more in love and alive than anyone else in the world has ever been or ever will be.

How awesome is God?

And so I encourage you: Be ready. Be eagerly expectant. Don't let your lamps run out of oil.......don't risk missing the Groom. He is coming!

The World Cup from Madrid

2010-07-13T02:43:00.001-07:00

So many people have been asking me what it was like to watch from downtown Madrid as Spain won the World Cup this year that I thought I would record my experience just for kicks (no pun was initially intended, but then I thought, "Ha! How clever! That would be a pretty corny pun; I'll leave it in there!").

I know this is a long post, but if you don't read anything else, read Chapter 1 and Chapter 5!

CHAPTER 1 - THE PRE-GAME WARMUP

The game here didn't start until 8:30pm, but my journey into Madrid began at 4, mostly because I knew that everyone and their moms would be there and the public transportation would be very crowded and unpleasant if I waited much longer. I was headed into town with a friend, and our first sign that we were getting closer was when a group of about 10 guys (mid 20s) got on the train. None of them had shirts on, they were all quite drunk (already), and all of them were decked out in Spain paraphernalia. They burst into the train blowing vuvuzelas (which are nothing new here - they have been used at soccer games in Spain since as long as anyone can remember), waving flags, and chanting something akin to "DOWN WITH THE F#@$*ING DUTCH!"

They never once settled down for the rest of the 30 min ride into Madrid, and only stopped to take a breath to pour and drink a round of whiskey every few minutes. At every stop more joined their number. When the train conductor came over the loudspeaker and said, "We remind you that the consumption of alcohol is prohibited on Madrid train transportation," they ERUPTED into cheers and vuvuzela screams and banged on the windows and ceiling and floor and jumped on all the chairs and waved their flags and poured another round of drinks.

CHAPTER 2 - PICKING A PRIME SPOT

We finally made it into Madrid, hopped on the subway (different from the train), and headed north. The big outdoor setup with the screens was in the middle of Madrid, and they were expecting 500,000 people to show up - basically twice the size of Grand Rapids for all you GR people reading this. We originally were going to join them there, but it was around 100 degrees (it doesn't get dark here until 10:30pm) and we would be packed shoulder to shoulder with people for 3 hours until the game started and then another 2 hours during the game, all the while standing and being unable to move. And plus, it's often hard to see the screens outside since it's light so late. So we decided to head a little farther north and go to a bar (a sports restaurant equivalent in the U.S.) where we knew there would be a good atmosphere, chairs, air conditioning, good TVs, and cold drinks.

CHAPTER 3 - THE GAME

Many people have commented that the 3rd and 4th place game was more entertaining to watch than the Spain Netherlands game. I agree and disagree. It's usually like that. The 3rd and 4th place teams can play relaxed and take risks since there's nothing really at stake, but the finalists usually play much more reserved in order to lower the risks of making big mistakes. HOWEVER, good soccer aside, I don't think anyone would argue that the Germany Uruguay game was WAAAY less intense than the Spain Netherlands game. Which, of course, made the game very entertaining, just in a different way. So, yes and no. As for me, my whole body was shaking during the game. I couldn't sit still. As another Spaniard said later, "We've suffered a lot this World Cup (with Spain's close games); I'm just glad that I can sleep tonight." It was one of the most thrilling games I've ever watched despite the at-times-lacking quality of play. I don't know how anyone could watch that game and then say that soccer is boring - whether you cared about either of the teams or not.

CHAPTER 4 - THE GOAL

Spain erupted - for 6 minutes straight, until the game ended. People went streaking. Fireworks went off. Lots of people cried. Even though I was about 2 miles from the downtown area with the screens, I could hear the crowds from there yelling - for you GR people, it was about like being at Cornerstone and hearing people yell from Calvin.

CHAPTER 5 - THE AFTER PARTY (THE BEST PART)

I got back on the train to head back to my town without much incident. While I was waiting for the train, though, the boarding area around me was packed with crazy, chanting fans (it was the last train out of Madrid - at midnight). At one point a security guard tried to get people to back away from the tracks as the train neared, but someone yelled, "WE'RE THE CHAMPIONS OF THE WORLD - LEAVE US ALONE!!!" To which everyone cheered and ignored the guy. He just quietly backed away.

When I got on the train, I discovered, to my amused surprise, that I had gotten back on the same car with the same guys as before the game - along with another 100 people or so. There was standing room only. The chanting and vuvuzelas were nonstop and it was all amplified now that we were in an enclosed space. For some reason the air conditioning had been turned off, so felt like a million degrees in there with all those people. People were complaining at first until someone yelled, "WHO WANTS WATER!???!" Everyone erupted into cheers again and people started taking out their water bottles and flinging water all over the car! I thought that was crazy enough until someone else yelled, "AND NOW WITH THE BEER!!!" And so then water and beer was being flung all over everyone.

At least half of the people in the car were smoking as well, all within the vicinity of 4 NO SMOKING signs. The funny thing was, when a old wino got on the train at one stop and needed a place to sit, one crazy 20s something decked-out fan got up to give him his seat and said, "Here, sit down! We're the champions of the world!" The guy sat down, but then pulled out a bong and tried to light up some weed. Everyone got all quiet around the guy when they saw and then someone politely tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Hey dude, sorry, but you can't do that here. That's illegal. You're not allowed to do that. If you're going to do that, you're going to have to get off the train." The old guy looked up and said, "Well, can I just smoke then?" And the Spaniard answered, "Oh, yeah, sure! Smoking's totally cool! Just don't do any of that stuff." And with that the wino pulled out a cigarette and the partying resumed.

Well, by this time there was 1/8 inch of water and beer covering the floor, not to mention dripping from the ceiling and windows. AND it was a million degrees in there. So now it was hot AND sweaty AND humid. Drunk people are not the brightest. So people were complaining even more (between chants, of course), until one drunk guy started his own chant, "WE'RE ON A SAUNA TRAIN!! THAT'S F#@&$ING AWESOME!!!" And the people took up the chant with great enthusiasm. Which was nice....because I'd much rather be in a hot, sweaty, crowded, smoky, humid train car with 100 happy drunk people than in a hot, sweaty, crowded, smoky, humid train car with 100 angry drunk people.

I finally arrived at my stop, got a ride home, took a shower, and watched the after-party still happening in Madrid on TV for the next hour until I went to bed.

It was still going on when I turned on the TV the next morning.

THE END

Home

2010-07-10T06:52:00.000-07:00

It feels so good to be home. It's been 2 and a half years since I was last here in Spain, and I am so grateful to be back. I was just sitting on the couch at my family's house this morning thanking God for allowing me to be back and to be refreshed in this way. I'm home alone for a few days until my parents and sister get back from visiting my aunt and uncle in France, but even just being inside the house itself feels so good. When I stepped through the front door yesterday (after spending a half hour looking under all the flower pots in the front yard to find the keys) it was like a load fell off my shoulders and I could finally relax.

Even though I saw my family just last spring, I've spent the last 4 years living in dorms, grandparent's houses, friend's houses, and an apartment with roommates. And even though all of those places were "home" to some extent for a long time, they weren't "home, home". And even though that seems obvious, it didn't really hit me until this morning.

After realizing that, I couldn't help but wonder what it's going to be like to "walk in the front door" of New Jerusalem.

And we won't even have to look for the keys under the flowerpots outside. ;-)

How amazing is that day going to be? That's something that I don't think the church talks about enough anymore. How often do we encourage each other (like Paul did) with the promises of heaven? When was the last time that you heard your pastor talk about how great that day is going to be? When was the last time that you pictured it in your mind? Colossians 3:2 says to "let heaven fill your thoughts."

I think that sometimes we don't do that because we don't know what it's going to be like. But we know what coming home feels like. And I find that whenever I think about that and how great it's going to be to be able to finally drop my baggage at the door for good and walk inside without worrying about having to leave, and when I see Dad look up and drop what He's doing to come running over and give me a hug and tell everyone, "My son is home!", I can't help but get teary eyed.

That's what waits for us. Be encouraged. Encourage others. Let that thought give you joy as you go back to work, as you sit in class, as you mow the lawn, as you help your neighbor move, as you worry about your budget next month... Keep life in perspective. One day we'll be home. :-)

God hates straight lines.

2010-05-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

"If you are truly seeking the will of God, there is no decision that you can make that will 'screw up' God's plan for your life."

Thoughts?

Maybe it's just because I'm at the point in life when many of my friends are graduating and trying to figure out what's next, but it seems that lately I've had about 4 or 5 conversations with good friends of mine about discerning what God's plan is for their lives. It's a hard subject, and one that I think all believers are faced with at some point in their lives. I was just there a few months ago. We are all familiar with crossroads. But I think that over the last few months I've been given an understanding of or perspective on the central question that I never had before.

So many believers honestly struggle and wrestle with what God wants them to do, afraid that they will make a wrong choice if they do not "discern" His will correctly. And let me just say that I think that it's good to wrestle with God; I think that true faith demands that we wrestle with God at certain points in our lives, and I think that God loves it when we do - but sometimes I wonder if Satan rejoices when God's people just keep wrestling and wrestling and wrestling and never actually get beyond that.

How often do our puny excuses get in the way of our action for the Kingdom? How often do we put things off "until God opens a door"? Don't we hear that so often as Christians? But doesn't it seem more true that the way of Jesus is most often through closed doors than open ones? What if the body of Christ were a people who were characterized by first moving into action until God closed a door instead of waiting for Him to open one? What would the world look like? What if we were a people who were characterized as fearing missing opportunities more than we do failure? And what if we were a people who truly believed that the Almighty God we serve cannot - will not - be derailed from achieving His original good and perfect plan because of a few of our human mistakes? Are we really that arrogant?

The way that I see it now, God has established His Kingdom on earth, and we, His church, have been given the task of working to expand that Kingdom. So have we not already each been called? He has already told us what He wants us to be about - loving God, loving our neighbors, preaching the Good News, and discipling our brothers and sisters.

But the rest He has left up to us!

Did Jesus tell His 72 disciples specifically where to go when He sent them out in Matthew 10? Did he tell them that they all had to serve in the same way when he sent the 12 out in Matthew 24? Look how much freedom He gave them! His intention was to open up the world to them so that they would go quickly so that they wouldn't have to spend time wrestling with figuring out the hows and whens and whats.

See, we've grown up being taught that the shortest distance from point A to point B is a straight line. And any slight deviation from that line demands recalculation, adjustment, and is therefore inefficient. Lost time. Wasted effort. But the problem with straight lines is that it always takes us a half an hour to find a ruler.

I think that so often we see point A (Me) and point B (Where God wants me tomorrow/next month/next fall), and it seems most obvious to us that God would want us to get there using a straight line.

But I don't think that God likes straight lines. God didn't lead Abraham in a straight line to reach the Promised Land. God didn't lead Jacob in a straight line to becoming a righteous man. God didn't lead the Israelites in a straight line to reach Canaan. Jesus didn't move in a straight line to the cross. And Paul didn't move in a straight line to preaching to the Gentiles.

It seems to me that God is all about the 180 degree turns. He's not interested in point B. He's interested in YOU. And he's interested in the 1 lost sheep.

Does God want you to serve overseas? Does God want you to marry that girl? Does He want you to go to that school? Write Christian music or wash dishes in an orphanage? Teach or be taught? Go or stay?

I think that God wants you to use your gifts to feed His sheep.

All that you have to worry about is finding hungry sheep....and feeding them.

We make things far too complicated.

Light at the end of the tunnel...

2010-05-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

5 days left...I can't believe it.

It's been an amazing experience being here, and I'm SO excited that he has called me back next fall! It has been a true joy teaching at Oasis, even though it's been hard missing out on the last part of my senior year with friends. I know that this is what I have been called to for now, though, and that is such a satisfying feeling.

Even though I taught my last day on Friday, I have a MOUNTAIN of grading to do before mid-term grades are due on Monday, and I also have a huge final portfolio to put together for my graduation requirement. That's what I'll be slaving over for the next few days... Then I get back on Thursday night, up early for graduation rehearsal on Friday, pack up, graduate on Saturday, wrap things up in GR, head down south for my cousin's wedding, and then.....who knows? Ha. I'm still working out the details.. No job yet, but I need to raise some finances, attend pre-field orientation for 2 weeks, watch the World Cup, do a BUNCH of paperwork for visas and such, and then make it back to Turkey by early August.

The details can get stressful when I dwell on them, but I'm reminded again and again that THIS is why I'm here. This place where need and blindness and overwhelming odds and impossible obstacles meet humble bloody hands and feet......this is where deliverance happens. Why would I ever want to be anywhere else?

To the Rescue

2010-04-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

So I was in the middle of teaching my 11th grade American Lit class today, when I heard a knock at the door. Glancing behind me, I noticed my cooperating teacher standing in the doorway (she had gone down to the office to run an errand) holding the hand of the cutest little girl I've ever seen and mouthing the word "HELP!". Confused, I looked down at the girl and noticed streaks down her cheeks where she had been crying. She was holding back sobs bravely, but I think the classroom full of high schoolers had also helped to put her into a little bit of a shock.

I walked over to the doorway and Beth (my CT) whispered, "We need a Spanish speaker. This is one of our pre-schoolers, and she's been crying uncontrollably in class repeating something about her sister in Spanish, but no one can understand what she's saying. Can you help?"

My heart broke. I wondered how serious it was.

Squatting down, I smiled and asked her what her name was, but she couldn't take her eyes off all of the big kids in the room staring at her, and she flushed and the tears came again. Duh. I should have known. But I took her by the hand and we moved into the hallway where I sat down and asked her again. This time I got "Maria" out of her between sobs. I told her that her teacher was worried about her and asked what was wrong. I was expecting the worst, but I wasn't anywhere near prepared for what came next (in the cutest, timid Spanish voice you've ever heard):

"My...(sob).....sister....(sob)....took my.....(sob).....hamster this morning....(sob).....and now we don't know where he is! (WAIL)"

Now, my first reaction was to die laughing because I so totally was NOT expecting that, but luckily I was able to choke it back and simply bite my lip. When I had composed myself, I said that I was so sorry, and that I was sure that he was ok. I told her that when school was over we would help her find her sister and get her hamster back. I asked her if she could go back to class for now, and she said she could.

Beth said she skipped all the way back downstairs.

Crisis averted. :-)

The Halfway Mark: Spring Break

2010-04-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

Can you believe it? I've been here 3 1/2 weeks now, and I have 4 left to go. Folks, this is the halfway mark!

I am planning to send out a newsletter with an overall update around the end of this week, but I have to tell you about my week THIS week. :-) It started with Good Friday. School let out last Thursday and we have off for spring break all of this week. I had originally thought of taking a short trip to Istanbul with some teacher friends, but alas, the flesh is willing, but the pocketbook is weak....or wait....something like that. Anyway, even if I had the money, when we return next week I will be taking over the senior British Lit class as well as the junior American Lit class in addition to the 8th grade grammar class I am currently teaching....and I have never read A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court nor Frankenstein before, so I have my work cut out for me. I have to read both of those books, do an in-depth (albeit somewhat frantically hurried) study of them so that I feel confident enough to teach them, and then plan 1 week worth of lessons for all 3 classes. And of course all of that is on top of the several hundred page portfolio that I have to put together this week for my graduation requirement.

And I also have to find time to finish season 1 of Heroes, tour Ankara (this IS spring break, after all), watch the Champion's League semi-finals as well as El Clasico, write a newsletter, find a summer job, and finish The Legend of Luke from the Redwall book series that I (perhaps foolishly) started last week.

But I did not post on here to complain. Life is wonderful. :-)

Thursday night I went downtown to sit in on a TESOL class for Iranian refugees. The classes are offered for free via a Christian service that works with these refugees pouring into Turkey. God is moving among those people and they are amazing. I fell in love with them and the ministry there and I contacted the organizer to see if there was a possibility of teaching a class if I were to return in the future. "Absolutely!" :-)

Friday I rested.

Saturday I went with a group of teachers and families to a HUGE park on the outskirts of town. I had a great time barbecuing a picnic lunch, playing frisbee golf with the kids, and getting to know some of the families and teachers better outside the school setting. They have some incredible stories.

Sunday I went with my cooperating teacher and another teacher friend to the U.S. ambassador's personal residence for an Easter celebration. They opened up their house and the local church put on a cantada that they had been rehearsing for the last few months. It was a gorgeous day, and the cantada was held in the ballroom (yes, the ballroom) of the massive villa that sits on top of a hill overlooking the whole city. One whole wall of the ballroom was a series of glass doors leading out to a patio that overlooked Ankara. After the cantada the ambassador provided a HUGE American breakfast/brunch for the guests complete with sausage and bacon (rarities in a Muslim country!). It was one of the most memorable Easter Sundays I've ever had.

Monday I worked.

Today I made a friend. One of my friends in the U.S. put me in contact with one of her good friends here in Ankara. His name is Berkay. He's a Turkish student at a local university here (he's a few years older than myself), and he has been to the U.S. several times. His English is excellent. Anyway, we met today for the first time and he gave me a tour of Ankara, introduced me to several of his friends, and treated me to the best Turkish meal I have had yet. I had a great time. We talked about everything from history to politics (he's a poli-science major) to soccer to families to religion. He was an amazing tour guide, and I am SO happy that I have been blessed with such a great Turkish friend!

The rest of the week will consist of finishing my newsletter, lesson planning, Settlers game night with some teachers, lesson planning, reading, reading, reading, watching El Clasico, visiting the ruins of an ancient Hittite city with some friends, lesson planning, reading, reading, and hopefully playing some soccer on Saturday with some of my students. It will be a good week. :-)

21st Century Explorer

2010-03-27T02:33:00.000-07:00

I've always been jealous of people like Christopher Columbus. Or Marco Polo or Magellan or Lewis and Clark for that matter. I've always thought that if I lived back in Medieval times and I were a serf, I wouldn't submit to the feudal system. I mean, come on - seriously?? Who wants a life like that? I would sell my cow and my land and my hut and my goat and set off to explore the world. Maybe I'd go down to the port and get a job sailing on a merchant ship, or maybe I'd set off for the hills and join a band of brigands, or maybe just head straight in one direction until I crossed the edge of civilization and found a beautiful paradise to settle in and call my own.

Serfs were dumb...

I remember when my family used to go to Pedriza national park in Spain. It was a place designed for little kids with huge imaginations. It was a small lush valley nestled back in the mountains of Navacerrada, covered with pine forests, divided by clear mountain streams, and spotted with monstrous round boulders that seemed to have fallen there as giant hail stones thousands of years ago and then petrified over time. In the spring it was covered with wild flowers. It was a place of dreams for a kid.

I could never wait to get out of the car and explore. My brother and sisters and I would arm ourselves with stick swords and pine cone hand grenades and climb every boulder we saw, hop every creek we found, and pretend that savage indians, armed robbers, and wild beasts lurked behind every tree. I found myself addicted to the thrill of exploring.

It wasn't until some time after this realization, however, that I became depressed because it hit me that I had been born several centuries too late to be an explorer when I grew up. Satellites had ruined everything.

When I attended Urbana this December, though, Father opened my eyes to something exciting. I was talking with a recruiter for an organization that works with unreached people groups when he used a word that made my heart jump and my brain unable to focus on anything else he was saying. He described their work as work in uncharted regions of the Kingdom.

And just like that, something clicked, and all of a sudden Christopher Columbus didn't seem that far away anymore, and I could just see Father grinning at me in the throne room, with his hands on my shoulders, looking me in the face and saying, "I need some more men like you. Will you go for me? Will you take My standard to the uncharted places? Will you go to expand the boundaries of My Kingdom - to make known the name of the King where they have not heard?"

It felt like my heart would explode. The thought of the opportunity of being a scout on the front lines of the advancing Kingdom - the very place where light meets darkness - is one of the most exciting thoughts that has ever gripped my heart. Because that's where the action is.

I want to be where deliverance happens.

I have very little experience being in such a place so far. Everything that I have heard about it says that it is hard. It is dangerous. It is a place that swallows people whole. Some deep part of me is scared that I don't know what I'm asking for. But some other deep part of me remembers the words of the King: "Be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid. I am with you wherever you go." Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies....my cup overflows. A cloud of smoke by day, and a pillar of fire by night... You hem me in, behind and before - you have laid your hand upon me. Where can I go from your spirit? Have you not seen? Have you not heard? I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

This is where deliverance happens. Why would I ever choose to spend my life anywhere else?

I don't know what He has for me next, but I know now why He chose to make me an explorer in the 21st century.

Pictures! :-)

2010-03-16T11:05:00.000-07:00

Here are the promised pictures of my first few days (although I just realized that I don't have any pictures of the school itself...I'll work on that):

Welcome to my massive room...

Including a walk-in closet.....aka, the back of my door.

Our beautiful living room, where I lesson plan and do homework while listening to one of the 6 Turkish soccer TV channels playing in the background. ;-)

Ours is the far pink one. Yes, the giant pink one.

Part of the view from our balcony...a poorer part of the city. You can't tell very well, but those "houses" are nothing more than shacks. Lots of them are patched up with tin siding, and hardly any of them have a full roof without huge holes in it.

This is looking to the left out of our living room window. Part of downtown Ankara is in the distance.

And this is looking to the right out of our living room window. The dirt area in the middle of the picture is part of a park. The green on top of that hill is actually a fenced in public turf soccer field. I could live here. :-)

Since it took me the better part of 2 hours to post these pictures since our wireless is going slow for some reason, I'll be back later with an update. Although it's not spelled this way, in Turkish the way to say "See you later" is Gurooshoorooz! ;-)

First Impressions

2010-03-14T06:23:00.001-07:00

Whew! It's been a long time! Let's see if I remember how to do this... :-)

Turkey.

What an interesting place! I got in late last night, so I wasn't able to see too much of the city as it was dark on the way from the airport to my apartment, but my initial impressions of the place this morning have been like a cross between an eastern European country and what you would think of as a typical, Middle Eastern Islamic country. Really, the city and the countryside itself appear to be more eastern European (pretty green country with rolling hills and lots of trees, and then old, breaking-down apartment complexes and neighborhoods - it certainly has the feel of a more impoverished city than the main cities in western Europe, but then again, we're on the outskirts out town), but the abundant towering mosques and the people themselves give the place more of a Middle Eastern feel. And I guess those two things make sense considering the location of Turkey; I think I was just expecting something a little more Middle Eastern looking. Hmm.

But my adjustment has gone great so far. My flights over here were uneventful except for the fact that we flew out of Chicago in the middle of a storm, and I have never flown through so much turbulence in my life! If it weren't for some fear the the plane was going to snap in half, it was actually pretty fun - like a 40 minute long Six Flags ride. It seriously felt like a giant baby had a hold of our plane and was shaking us like a rattle or like what I imagine it must have been like for WWII pilots to fly through anti-aircraft flak on bombing missions (I know - pretty much the same thing, huh? Haha). But other than that I made it here safely, met and chatted with my 2 roommates - J.J. and Mitch, also teachers at the school - got settled in the apartment, and had a shower before bed around midnight.

I decided I'd see how I felt in the morning before committing to church, but I slept great all night and woke up at my alarm at 8 feeling like a champ, so I went for it. Church was an interesting experience as well. The building itself is a few minutes walk from the apartment, and is an unmarked, transformed 2 story store front. Other than a military base church about an hour away (that is only open to American citizens for security reasons), it is apparently the only Evangelical church in all of Ankara - a city of 4.7 million people. There were about 50 people there this morning. There are 3 services on Sundays - the first in English, the second in Turkish and translated into English, and the third in Farsi, for a local Iranian minority group. I only went to the first service today because I got invited out to lunch afterwards, but I'm planning on going to the second service regularly too. I really want to get involved with more of the local community. Oh, and I forgot to mention that there are security personnel at the front door who screen you with a handheld metal detector before you first walk inside. A LITTLE different from what the greeter does at Crossroads Bible Church! ;-)

Anyway, after church I had lunch with the principal at Oasis as well as his family and we had a great time. They have one 4 year old - excuse me: 4 and a HALF year old - daughter who wears her hair in 2 pig tails and is probably one of the cutest kids I've ever seen. After lunch my roommate JJ gave me a tour of the school and showed me around town. Tomorrow I get to try my hand at shopping! Haha. Oh boy - not only am I on my own for food for the first time in my life, but I have to deal with buying completely foreign products, and not only that, but all labeled and priced in Turkish - and then I have to experiment with how to prepare them. And also not starve. It will be an adventure. ;-)

Well I don't have a ton yet, but I promise that pictures will come soon! :-) I just wanted to let everybody know that I'm here, safe, and off to a good start. Thanks so much for all your prayers!

-Aaron

P.S. - I forgot to mention the coolest thing of all! I'm literally RIGHT across the street from a park with an outdoor TURF soccer field that was in use all afternoon today by a bunch of local high school Turkish boys. I know where I'll be spending my Sunday afternoons!! :-)

2009-11-13T17:39:00.000-08:00

This thought occurred to me as I was walking across campus today:

"Overall, I do not think that the general population has an appropriate appreciation for the awesomeness of green grass."

Ok, so maybe it's just because I lived in a desert for half of my life, but it still bothers me.

"This is me."

2009-10-14T09:08:00.000-07:00

I cried for Ezekiel this morning.

Sound strange? I was reading out of Ezekiel 24 for my quiet time and in the second part of the chapter, God tells Ezekiel that He is about to take away his "greatest treasure" and "the delight of [his] eyes." But He instructs Ezekiel not to "lament or weep or shed any tears." He tells him not to uncover his head or remove his sandals or to take part in any of the rituals associated with mourning or to eat any food that is brought to him from friends because of his loss. This is important because God wants to get peoples' attention so that He can give them a message.

That evening Ezekiel's wife dies.

I had never heard this story before and it hit me hard. Here is a guy who had literally given his life away to be God's prophet. At one point he was instructed to lie on his left side for 390 days straight - 1 day for every year of Israel's sin - and then turn over and lie on his right side for 40 days straight - 1 day for every year of Judah's sin. For almost a year and a half, Ezekiel lay on the ground to bear the sins of Israel and Judah. The book is filled with stories like this. Ezekiel was hated by Israel's kings for speaking against their selfishness and greed, he was hated by the people for always proclaiming destruction, he was hated by the priests and false prophets for exposing their hypocrisy, and I'm sure that he was even hated by his own family.

But he loved his wife.

And I'm guessing that she loved him too - more than anything in the world - because she was his treasure. And you don't usually treasure people who think you're insane. She must have been an incredible woman; I envision her standing beside her husband through all of his abuse - even standing up to her own family and his when they tried to talk sense into him. She might have been Ezekiel's only friend. He must have loved her with the most awesome love.

And then God takes her from him.

Just like that.

And he is not even allowed to shed a tear - all because God is desperate to get the attention of a child-sacrificing, idolatrous, wicked people.

* * *

My mentor, Chuck Swanson, calls these passages "biblical speed bumps." They are the times in the Bible when God doesn't make any sense. They slow us down. They get our attention. It is almost as if God is urging us, "Chew on this. I know it's hard, but this is so important! You see, you're missing something. Because this, my child - this is me!"

Because, like Chuck says, "as soon as we think we've got God figured out, that's when we're wrong."

back by....not so....popular demand... :-)

2009-10-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

I'm back.

I was gone for several months, partly because blogger was blocked by the Chinese government while I was in China, so I got out of the habit of writing, partly because then I was discouraged with how much I would have to write to get everybody back up-to-date with my life, and also, admittedly, partly because I just don't take enough time in life to sit down and reflect. There's always some other way I could better be using my time, it seems. However, I do very much enjoy writing when I put my mind to it.

...which is why I never could just delete my account on here and throw in the towel....because I knew deep inside that there would come another day when I would just get the urge to blog again. So here it goes.

Instead of trying to catch everyone up on what's been going on with me in a long and drawn out post, suffice it to say for now that:

1) the China trip was amazing (I can send anyone a copy of my last newsletter if you didn't get one and would like one),

2) school has started very well for me during my senior year, (although I miss seeing my sister who transferred this fall to Bryan College in Tennessee); I am taking Roots in British Lit, American Renaissance Lit, Methods of Teaching Secondary English, and Intro to Arabic,

3) I am playing varsity soccer again this year, although I managed to break my right hand in practice 2 weeks ago, which currently has me sitting out for the rest of the season (I had surgery done last Tuesday to get permanent metal rods put in my hand, so basically I'm like Wolverine now), which also means that:

4) I am typing this completely with my left hand. ;-)

But actually, it has been beautiful so far. :-) Besides the 3 batches of cookies that have been baked for me so far by amazing sympathizing friends and the treats in the get-well-soon package that my awesome sister sent me, haha, God has seen fit to.....well...rather forcefully remind me of one thing in particular:

He is in control and He is good. Despite having to temporarily quit my job, give up driving, give up soccer (and intramurals), learn to write and type left handed, and rely on friends (or strangers, as the case sometimes is, haha) to help with simple things like tying my shoes, which I originally all regarded as inconveniences, I have grown to see that giving up work and soccer has given me more time to slow down and enjoy life, and giving up driving has saved me a good bit of gas money, and learning to write left handed is just awesome (especially for my Arabic class where we write right to left), and learning to do the "simple things" one handed has thrown a challenge into the monotony of my daily routines to add some color to life. This weekend I finally figured out how to tie my shoes with one hand and this morning I mastered cutting my left hand fingernails with the cutters in my right elbow. Pretty sweet, huh? ;-)

* * *

Currently I am sitting on the couch in the living room in my apartment on campus listening to the thundering rain storm outside. I love nights like this. And yet it is past 1am, so I should probably head to bed soon. And yet I'm not tired tonight, even on 6 hours of sleep and no nap today.. Maybe the weather has put me in a pensive mood... I could definitely go on, but this post was long enough 2 paragraphs ago already. I'll spare you. I'll try to be more regular about writing on here again, but no huge promises until the hand gets better. ;-)

تصبح على الخير

Good night. :-)

beginnings

2009-07-03T19:26:00.000-07:00

"The time has come, the time is now to go, go, go, I don't care how."

Isn't that a quote from a Dr. Seuss book?? For some reason it just popped into my head and it seems quite appropriate for the moment. :-) In just a few hours I'll be on my way to the Louisville airport, off to Denver by way of Chicago for training before my trip to China!

I don't even have an itinerary for my time there yet, but I know that we will be in training until Tuesday night. Then at 8am on Wednesday, July 8th our team of 11 will be flying to Seattle and then Beijing for the next 4 weeks.

I've got to be up at 4am tomorrow, so I'm headed to bed, but I will try to keep you all updated as much as possible. I'm excited. :-) Remember me in your prayers, as well as the Chinese people. God is going to do great things.

Love and blessings to you all!

-AJ

summer [break??]

2009-06-12T19:29:00.001-07:00

Where does all the time go?? I was just writing to a friend today that the degradation of summer break is an outrage. I don't even have time to read over summer break anymore? When did that happen?? Reading used to be something you were MADE to do over summer break as a kid - almost like a punishment it seemed, at the time - like, "Read this so that you don't have time to play" type-of-thing, but now even if you WANTED to read, you have no time to! Much less play! People should be up in arms.

Maybe that's why it's a good thing I don't own one. Ha..

But yes, I am currently helping dad remodel our house here in the U.S. so that it is suitable for renters again. The last renters just left and they absolutely trashed the place... It is infested with cockroaches, there are several leaks in the ceiling, so there is roofing to be done and we're also having to tear out all of the carpet and lots of the flooring, the windows are coming apart, the doors had to be replaced, the appliances were all trashed (refrigerators, oven, dishwasher), almost all the gutters had to be replaced, we had to re-do all the plumbing and most of the electrical wiring, and the place needs re-painting... And we thought it might only need 2 weeks of touch-up work before we saw the place... I included a few pictures.

The living room....as we found it when we walked in the front door for the first time after the renters left...

The basement....as we found it.. And you can't see it in the picture, but the rug was damp and there was definitely hard dog poop on it in various places that had never been cleaned up...The reason the plumbing had to all be replaced....the pipes were completely clogged...This is the master bedroom. The white spot on the floor is where their bed was - that was the *original* color of the carpet throughout the house when they moved in. How does that even happen?? And notice the mold on the walls in the corner....yeah...
And best of all, they left us a nice present on the back porch... And yes, those garbage bags were definitely FULL of maggots. And these people had 5 kids??? It breaks my heart....

So anyway, needless to say, we have quite the task ahead of us. I've been working 11 hour days with dad and another friend of his for the last 2 weeks trying to get things done before dad heads back to Spain in July... It could all use some prayer.. And especially for the renters who just moved out...they probably need it more than us.. But God is good - He has always been faithful.

On top of all this, I'm trying to take a class, send newsletters and thank you cards out for my China trip in 3 weeks, keep up with soccer workouts, and get through my summer reading list... One thing at a time.

I was just inspired recently when I remembered the quote from Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings: "All that we have to do is to decide what to do with the time that is given to us." I am striving, moment by moment, to make the most out of the time I have been given, and I will let God take care of the rest. Praise God - He certainly is able! :-)

roadtrip!

2009-05-26T18:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I finished a 3 day long bike ride across the state of Ohio.

Crazy as it sounds..................it is. ;-)

My brother had this idea about a month ago that he wanted to go on a bike trip, so with the help of my grandfather (who, at age 76 [??], is amazingly fit!), they planned a 4 day bicycle trip across the state of Ohio. Somehow my dad and I got suckered in too. (Ha, but it was a great trip!) The original idea was to start with our back tires in Lake Erie and end with our front tires in the Ohio River. And thus began our 250 mile saga.

We started on Saturday afternoon near Toledo and biked down to Findlay on the first day, which is about 70 miles - 10 miles more than we had planned. It doesn't sound like much - it's barely an hour drive by car - but it took all of 8 hours. We averaged around 14 miles/hour, but with stops for lunch, dinner, bathroom breaks, and one flat tire, that's what it came out to. We were battling the wind almost all day, so we were exhausted by the end!

The second day we started out at 8:30am, and with the help of the wind to our backs, we averaged around 17 miles/hour and made it to our planned destination by 3:30, so we decided to keep going! We ended up in Urbana, OH, having ridden 95 miles! I think we ended up "in the saddle" for about 9 hours that day. You might appreciate the "good luck" message my sister wrote on the back of my dad's pack:

As we assessed things that night, we realized that although we had planned on a 4 day trip, if we could make good time again, we could finish the trip in 3!

So after my brother and I stomped my dad and grandfather in a game of Rook that night (a very rare occurrence!), we set out the next morning with the goal of making the last 80 odd miles in one day. Again, we were blessed with the wind to our backs and mostly flat roads, as we were on an actual bike path that day, so we made good time.

About 15 miles away from the river, however, it started raining. It was drizzling at first, but it turned into a pretty heavy shower in a few minutes. We knew we were close (mom was picking us up in the car at the river), but we weren't sure exactly how close, so seeing as how none of us wanted to get wet, it was suddenly every man for himself - we flat out booked it. The last 7 miles or so we were averaging around 20 miles/hour (which is about as fast as you can go on a flat when you're laden with 4 days of supplies and you've already been going for 8 hours) and we still hadn't made it to the river by the end of the trail. It stopped raining after those 7 miles, but we had to find a way to the river still, and by the time we were given bad directions by 4 different people, it took another 5-10 miles winding through the city of Cincinnati until we found a way to get to the river.

After we made it, we called mom to tell her where we were, and she and a whole entourage of family came to pick us up! Although the trip had gone very smoothly overall, we must have looked like a mess! We were all soaked from head to toe, mud spattered up and down our clothes, sunburned from the last 3 days, out of breath, and all very sore!

It was a great trip, though - a great experience, and some great memories! :-) Would I do it again??

Well....not right now. ;-)

oh, my family... haha

2009-05-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

I took my crazy little brother and sister to school this morning, and wanted to give you a snapshot of what our ride in the car looked like, ha..

David (a junior in high school, sitting in the back seat, obviously annoyed): Emily, put the visor up.
Emily (a freshman in high school, sitting shottie, answering equally annoyed): Why? It's not bothering you.
David: It is bothering me or else I wouldn't ask you to put it up in the first place. The sun isn't even in your eyes - it's behind us.
Emily (getting more flustered): So why do you care?? IT'S NOT BOTHERING YOU!
David: It IS bothering me!!! I can't see out the windshield, ok??
Emily: Well why do you need to see out the windshield??? Just look out on Aaron's side!!
David: EMILY, JUST PUT UP THE VISOR!!
Emily: WELL AT LEAST YOU COULD ASK ME NICELY INSTEAD OF YELLING!
David: I already asked you like 4 times!!!!
Emily: No you didn't! You just keep telling me!!
David: ::sigh:: Emily, can you please put the visor up.
Emily: ::sigh:: Fine. (puts the visor up) Happy now??
David: (grudgingly, with a hint of sarcasm) Thank you! ....FINALLY..

Haha, oh man.....I just sat there and cracked up! ;-)

"my prayer for them is that they would be one..."

2009-05-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

So this weekend I drove up to Dayton, OH with my grandparents and some other family for a weekend family reunion of sorts. On the way up we were talking and someone in the car made an observation that I've never thought of before and left me thinking...

First of all, it is well understood that our country is unified under one document: namely, the Constitution. It is also well understood that there are many differing interpretations of various parts of that document. Some people interpret it liberally in some parts while others interpret it more conservatively. Yet the fact remains that although our country is made up of an EXTREMELY diverse population, yet, somehow, all of us are able to live peacefully, under the authority of one document that no one agrees on how to interpret. Curious.

And my question is: why can't the church do the same thing??

Our situation is strikingly similar: the church is also made up of a diverse population, universally claiming to submit to a very difficult document that has been interpreted in many different ways, namely, the Bible. The only difference is that the United States of America has managed to remain a unified population, able to act as one and respond with one voice, while the church of Christ is sorely lacking in that capacity. What's wrong with this picture?

Why has an enormously diverse and pagan population like the United States of America been able to remain unified with so many different views, while the church of Christ, which is SUPPOSED to be unified with a common foundation, has effectively splintered into hundreds of sub-denominations every time another leader has offered a slightly different interpretation of a Biblical passage?

Even Paul said that in order for a body to function correctly, it needs diverse parts with diverse functions working together, so why is it that the church today has divided itself into subcultures according to its spiritual gifts? This is another puzzling issue along the same lines...

Some would argue that although there are many different denominations today, solid Christians in those denominations still consider themselves brothers with other Bible-believing Christians, and thus that the church is unified. But the fact is that the church is not unified. There are still denominational boundaries. There are still those who refuse to worship in this church because they use a drum set in worship or those who refuse to attend that service because they lay hands on the sick or those who refuse to take communion with these believers because they use real wine instead of grape juice.

It makes me very upset thinking about all of this, but even more upset because I have no answers to offer. It makes me upset to see a pagan society understand more about unity than the church of God. I don't even know how to end this, but it's been on my mind this weekend and so I just wanted to share. As you think about it, I hope it will make you a little upset too. Pray that God would show us how to pray and show us how to treat each other better every day. Pray that we would not get caught up in one-way thinking, but that as we encounter other believers, all the time our attitude would be that of Paul in his letter to Timothy: that "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners -- and I was the worst of them all."

It is easy to point the finger, but change always starts with us.

summer 09!!!

2009-05-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

After a grand total of 21 hours of sleep, two 8 page papers, three 5 page papers, one final exam, one 20 minute presentation, a lesson plan portfolio, and soccer fitness testing, I finished my last 5 days of my junior year of college.

That was last week. For when I was a student, I spoke like a student, I acted like a student, I reasoned like student.....but now that I am on summer break I have put studious things away.

Or something like that, right? ;-)

Anyway, my sister and I made it down to Kentucky safely where we are staying with the family for a couple weeks (wooo!!). And ALSO, my best friend from high school in Spain (Michael) came up from Florida to visit for a few days, which is pretty much the coolest thing ever. I haven't seen him or even really talked to him for about 2 years now - it's awesome to see him again!

So today consisted of Michael and I doing some house work for my grandmother in the morning, then playing racquetball with my brother in the afternoon, eating my FAVORITE home cooked meal EVER for dinner, playing the nutmeg soccer game in my grandma's empty garage after that, getting a haircut, and then having mom's apple crisp and ice cream for dessert (which also happens to be my favorite dessert in the whole wide world). And now I am sitting on the back porch on the porch swing, soaking in the summer breeze, listening to the crickets, and watching the full moon rise in the clear sky. So needless to say, it was pretty much the most perfect day ever. :-)

I should probably be getting to bed since I have to be up early tomorrow, but I have one more update that could use some prayer. Last week I got an e-mail from the guy who is coordinating my overseas student teaching opportunity next spring - you might remember that I had my heart set on going to Morocco? Anyway, he e-mailed me to let me know that due to that school trying to get accredited next year and getting a new high school principal, they didn't think they could take me on in the end. He then proceeded to explain that my next 3 preferences (3 schools in Ethiopia, Pakistan, and Israel) have also all fallen through for various reasons. All I need to do now is submit to him another list of a few schools that he can look into for me, so it's not a huge deal, but it was disappointing news and I could use some prayer as I try to figure out how to move on from here. And please also remember my trip this summer to China... More updates on that to come!

Finally, I realize how terrible I have been recently with updating this site, but now that summer is here, you can be expecting much more from me! :-) I will be around!

Hang in there, my friends - and be an encouragement to one another. Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Take time to be still. Take time to play. Reach out to the marginalized around you. Preach the Gospel boldly. Remember your first love. Remember how much you have been forgiven. And make the most of EVERY opportunity that comes your way. Never lose your joy. :-)

finally!

2009-04-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

FINALLY I get a chance to sit down and update this! :-) I've been wanting to get an update out for the longest time now because there has been so much going on, but with it being the last 2 weeks of school, I've hardly had a whole spare hour to myself to sit down and give all the details. And even now as I'm glancing at the clock, I see that I only have 20 minutes until my next class anyway! Ugh. Ok, well here goes the short version at any rate!

- The biggest and most exciting thing that has happened in my life over the last few weeks is that I've decided to go on a missions trip to China for the month of July!! Cornerstone has organized a trip for this summer and will be taking 11 students to the Sichuan Province in south central China to minister to Chinese high school students by running a summer English program! I had been told that the Sichuan Province had been hit by a massive earthquake last May, but I only just found out that over 70,000 people were killed as a result (compared to the 218 in Italy's earthquake recently that everyone flipped out about), that 28,000 more are still missing, and that over 2,000,000 people were left homeless. ELIC has informed us that almost every single kid we will working with will have lost some relative to the earthquake last year. We will be working at a school compound that has recently been rebuilt, but is currently located in the middle of a refugee camp of sorts for the homeless. The Chinese government has promised to rebuild the area, but tens of thousands are still living out of tents. I haven't even been there yet, but the devastation that I can imagine from the facts leaves me breathless.... And we are going into the heart of it.

- Secondly, I just got back from a men's retreat this weekend with some guys from school and it was awesome! :-) We spent 2 and a half days in sessions, small groups, playing frisbee golf, cornhole, hillbilly horseshoes, eating, watching movies, bonfires, and having a great time all around. About 20 guys showed up, which was pretty encouraging, and the speaker, Chuck Swanson, spoke directly to the hearts of a lot of guys, including myself. It was truly refreshing.

- Thirdly, I just heard back from George Washington Academy in Morocco about 2 weeks ago, and they informed me that they would love to have me as a student teacher next spring! They only mentioned that they do not have their faculty all figured out for the spring yet (especially not in the English department) and wanted to make sure that they had a qualified, experienced teacher for me to work with, so they said that they would get back to me in a few weeks. I'm excited! :-)

- Also, for those of you who were praying, because of a conflicting class schedule this fall, I was afraid that I would not get to keep my soccer scholarship next year and would have to quit the team my senior year, which I was a little upset about. HOWEVER, after talking to my coach last week, his response to my dilemma was, "Well....you have to take the classes, right?" My jaw almost dropped. After a vehement head nod from me, he looked up from my class schedule on his desk, gave me a smile and said, "Well, what's the problem, then? Is there anything else I can do for you?" My jaw DID drop. Needless to say, I thanked him profusely, grabbed my schedule, and booked it out the door before he changed his mind! God is so faithful!

- Last of all, if any of you should find some extra prayer time on your hands (ha..), I could use some prayer for a few things:

That God would provide some work for me this summer for the months of May and June. I don't have anything lined up at the moment, but I still have bills to pay, so it would be a blessing if I could find some work. There is a possibility that I could get hired at camp again just for those 2 months or I could maybe work with my dad in Kentucky on our house for some pay, but both of those options are still up in the air. I would love to get something solidified soon...

That God would give me clear direction for my trip this summer and that He would provide for me and equip me with everything I need, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually before I go. I am only a fragile clay jar containing a great treasure...

That I would be able to discern and continually follow God's leading for me next spring in my student teaching, both overseas and in finding a placement in Michigan.

And, as always, that He would continue to fill me with an unquenchable hunger and thirst for Him and for His truth, especially over the course of these next 3 weeks when things are crazy.

Thank you all for your love and prayers!! :-)

disgust

2009-03-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

I just read in the newspaper that Congress created a coupon program to help bail people out of the economic stress of converting their TVs from analog to digital.

That, in itself, is merely "very sad." But get this:

Did you know that Congress appropriated 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS to hand out to Americans so that they could buy themselves new TV converter boxes???

I don't know that I have EVER been THIS pissed off about a governmental economic policy. Are we serious?!?!! 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS!?

Folks, do we understand this??? I found this fact on the Internet to help wrap your minds around how big 1 billion is:

"To count to one thousand, counting one number every second continuously, it would take 17 minutes. Counting to one million at the same rate, it would take 12 days (counting nonstop, day and night). But counting to one billion would take 32 years! " (http://www.expandyourmind.com/sciencefacts/)

Or think of it this way: there are currently almost 304,000,000 (304 million) people living in the WHOLE United States. That's it. Think of EVERYONE you know and it doesn't even scratch the surface.

And our GOVERNMENT allotted 1.34 BILLION DOLLARS from their budget to pay for its citizens to buy new TVs??? And the worst part is that THOUSANDS of people COMPLAINED when they found out that the coupons expired and they hadn't gotten around to using them yet!!!!

Do you understand how many mouths could be fed with that much money? Do you know how many people are DESPERATE right now for food and RUNNING water and heat and shelter and clothes and medicine???

And what are we spending our money on...??

I am literally so mad right now that I can't even type anymore. I have never been so embarrassed of my country before. I thought about praying "God, have mercy on us!" but I can't even bring myself to say that without feeling like I am spitting in His face.

1.34 billion dollars............I am disgusted.

I saw Slumdog Millionaire tonight...

2009-03-24T18:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes at night after a long day or when I have a lot on my mind, I pull into Crawford and park my car way down in the very corner of the big parking lot where it's dark because the street light is broken. I park my car there and I turn off the engine and I just listen. Away from the buildings and students and lights. I listen to the wind outside. I listen to it howling through the crack in my car door window. And I watch the trees in front of me sway and dance, and I see the stars shining brightly through the leaves...

Tonight I thought about how the boy living in the tin shelter halfway across the world and I see the same stars. I thought about it and my heart almost broke. I feel sick tonight. Heart sick. But the thing that makes me sickest is the fact that I know that I will wake up tomorrow and have forgotten the whole thing and move on. And if not tomorrow, then the next day. Or the next. Nothing ever stays. O Lord, I long for the day when your eternal kingdom will come to stay! A kingdom that will not be shaken!

Even this restlessness inside of me comes and goes with my homework load, my stress levels, the weather... It makes me shudder to think how easily that feeling fades... God, have mercy!

But then something triggers it and I know it's not gone. Like tonight. I don't understand how people can sit through that and then get up and go back to their cars and their heated houses and their fast food and their homework and routines and schedules and let it all wash away as if nothing ever happened.

But it happens.

It makes me sick. But it makes me sickest because I know that it will happen to me too. It will happen to me too because I am tied here like everyone else. For now. Because I will not be content with ease. I am free, I think -- I am no slave to the world's game! But then why do I lose sight so easily?? How does comfort take hold of me so stealthily??? It is always two steps forward and then backwards one! Sometimes even backwards two. Or three...

My greatest fear is that I will become content with never taking those two steps forward because I have become too tired of doing the same work twice. Lord, do not let me ever tire of doing what is good!

I wanted to drive away tonight. To get on the highway and just go. Even though deep inside I knew that wouldn't solve anything, it just seemed like the right thing to do. What am I doing here? Why me? Why have I been given this life? But what would I do anywhere else? What makes me think that I can do anything?

....sometimes it's good to be heart sick....and to sit and ask impossible questions.....and to pour out your bitterness and your frustration to God...

But sometimes I want to be more than a question. Sometimes I want to be more than a dream. More than an offering plate donation. More than a short term missions trip. More than a prayer. SO MUCH more than a happy suburb family. More than my homework stress. More than my consuming relational drama. More than a speck of dust on the face of an infinite planet at the hands of an Infinite God. What is man that You are mindful of him?

Who am I?

refreshed

2009-03-13T07:14:00.000-07:00

This trip has been good for me... I am dreading going back on so many different levels, partly because I know that I will be hitting the ground running hard on Monday morning and it won't stop again until school is out, but I am trying not to think about it too much and just take it one day at a time. Always one day at a time...

We met with some old church family friends last night, some of whom I haven't seen since I was in kindergarten living here, but I found out that one of my Sunday school buddies from way back in the day just finished his teaching degree last spring and is going to teach this fall in Morocco at the same school I'm looking at there! How crazy is that? I guess he just signed a contract for two years already, so we'd definitely overlap if I went there next spring to do my student teaching. I couldn't believe it when I heard... God is so cool. ;-)

In other news, I'm looking to get my certification in TESOL this summer! I'm really excited! I've been planning on getting certified for the last 2 years now, but I always thought that I would wait until after I graduated to look into it. It wasn't until yesterday that I even considered doing it earlier... Turns out I can take a 4 week long intensive program, put in 120 hours, and get an internationally recognized certificate! It just opens so many more doors for me doing it early instead of waiting -- it means that I could start teaching ESL for the overseas part of my student teaching in the spring, and that instead of waiting to go overseas after my student teaching until I get certified, I could potentially leave for full-time overseas work right after I finish my student teaching. Also, just in terms of finding a job, I will be certified to teach 3 subject areas next spring (English, Spanish, and TESOL) instead of 2.

The trouble now is just finding something to do with the rest of my summer this summer. Ha.. Assuming that I've got to be back for soccer at the beginning of August, and I'll be taking intense classes for 4 weeks straight, that only leaves me with about 6 weeks of summer, and that doesn't make me a great candidate for finding much summer work... I'm praying hard that God will provide..

He always, always has. :-)

a restless heart and answered prayer

2009-03-05T19:41:00.000-08:00

I can't believe it's already spring break of my junior year of college... It's SO weird to think that I only have one semester of classes left and only 2 semesters before I graduate! I really don't know what to think about all that yet...

Anyway, tomorrow big sis and I head down to Kentucky for a night or two with the grandparents before heading down to South Carolina to meet up with mom and dad for the rest of the week. We'll be in Columbia mostly, where I was born and my dad went to seminary, so we have a lot of close family friends down there that I haven't seen since I was in diapers. It should be fun. I'm sure it'll bring back memories of doing deputation trips in the car with the family when we were kids. David won't be able to be with us, which is a real bummer, but I'll get to see him for a day or two in KY. But Emily will be with us in SC the whole time, so that's cool. :-)

Other than that, I've been feeling really restless recently. I'm not sure why. Sometimes I get so frustrated at how small my world seems to be. The same places, the same people, the same drama, the same weather, the same routines.... On the one hand it kind of scares me to feel like that because I know it's part of life and it will be that way no matter where I go and I need to be content, but I can't help feeling it. I need a holiday. In a sense I guess it's nice that spring break is here and I'll get a change in scenery for a few days, but there seems to be a deeper restlessness in my heart that I'm not completely convinced will be fixed with a week long vacation...

And I know - I should take it to Jesus. And I have. And I do. And I will. Every day. But He doesn't always take away the struggle (in fact, it seems He rarely does) - sometimes He gives us the stamina to persevere in spite of it. That's more what it feels like now. Because He does give me strength, and I have persevered, and I am still seeking His face....who knows? Maybe this restless spirit is from Him??

Last of all (and somewhat along those lines), I have good news to report. :-) Throughout my last 3 years at Cornerstone, I have always considered my friends Ian and Nate to be my two closest guy friends. We were really close freshman year, especially, but even though I still see a lot of Ian, now Nate has a night job, so I've hardly seen him this whole year. Anyway, I was walking through the hall on Saturday and ran into him, and we actually ended up sitting down and talking for over 3 hours! Some of you may be wondering why this is shocking, but even though Nate and Ian and I were all very close at one time, we never really just talked. Ever.

Well, to make a long story short, Nate just really poured his heart out about how he had been convicted last semester and was tired of living a pseudo-Christian life, and about how he had made a commitment to God to turn his life around. Which is one thing to say, but as I listened, it became so clear how serious he was and how desperate he was to change. He had broken up with his girlfriend to better focus, had started attending church again, and was desperate for accountability and someone to listen and pray with.

Which, conveniently enough, was right where I was too. ;-) For almost a year I have been praying that God would put some serious Godly men into my life whom I could grow close to and be accountable to and grow with. I have lots of good guy friends, but no one like that. But as Nate and I talked, I really felt God tugging at my heart strings, and I got so excited.

After our talk, we both prayed and decided to start meeting 3 times a week for more prayer and some accountability and just general encouragement. It is something we both need a lot of right now. So we met 3 times last week, and every time we were only supposed to meet for an hour, but we ended up talking and praying for 2! I am truly overjoyed! :-)

But the coolest thing is that I have known Nate for the last 3 years, but after the last week of meeting with him, I have seen that he is a different man. Something has changed in him. From the music he listens to, to the movies he watches, to the way he spends his time, to his joy at talking about his relationship with Jesus, to his attitude to serve and his passion to embody humility, he has made 180 degree turns -- I have seen it, and I am praising God!

Thank you for answered prayer! :-)

a sampling of today's random thoughts

2009-02-28T21:22:00.000-08:00

- I walked outside today and the sun was shining and I heard birds singing for the first time in months. The snow has all melted for the second time this winter... Spring is fighting back. :-)

- I saw Seven Pounds last night. It's a Will Smith movie, so you can't really go wrong, and the acting and screenplay were excellent, but it was a very dark film.. I have very mixed feelings about that movie... Would Ben Thomas have considered me a good man..? How would I have measured up? It made me think of how fragile life is....who knows how much time we have left... Why am I not giving more? But despite all my mixed feelings, one thing is for sure: it made me appreciate the life that I have. I am so undeservedly blessed..

- When the Hansen Center is completely empty at the end of the day and it's dark outside and the main lights are out and it's all quiet except for the dull hum of the ceiling fans and the soft buzz of the few dim lights left, I think it can be one of the most amazing and yet lonely places in the whole world.

- I wondered today: what is our obsession with publicizing our personal feelings online? Have you ever thought about that before? I'm thinking specifically of Facebook statuses right now, but it applies to blogging too. Maybe it's just me, but I struggle so much with wanting to put something online particularly when I am having a rough time -- usually I don't want to come right out and say that I'm having a rough time, but I'll look for some vague song lyrics to put up or write a poem or think of some other round-about way to hint at the world that things aren't good... And it's all subconscious.... Why? I think that we are a disconnected generation who desperately want to be heard and known and loved anyway....

- Where did all of our peanut butter go???

- I'm currently looking into 4 different schools in Morocco, Israel, Pakistan, and Ethiopia to do my student teaching at. There might be other options other than the ones posted on the list on www.interactionintl.org, but I have to call to find out. Exciting stuff. :-)

- Where in the world is God leading me this summer?? I wish I wasn't so awful at waiting....

- I found a world map today in the Hansen Center while I was on duty about the size of an average poster that was laying near the garbage, so I took it home. It's a nice map... I was trying to decide where to put it up when I finally decided that I would thumb tack it to the underside of the bunkbed above me so that I can look at it as I fall asleep every night... I don't know why -- maybe I'm weird, but I just love looking at world maps... I think I could spend all day in front of the one huge one in the library, just looking at the different countries and dreaming of all the different places in the world... It was a good find today. :-)

sometimes

2009-02-24T14:53:00.000-08:00

We sang this hymn in chapel today, and it has caused me to think all day... It has been years since I heard it.... Zach Vincent, who was helping to lead worship, softly mused that sometimes he feels like we Christians are so quick to mention Christ's resurrection as soon as we speak of His death that we effectively "skip over" dwelling on the magnitude of what He did for us by dying on the cross...

Sometimes, he challenged quietly, it is good to sit in tears and brokenness at the foot of the cross... If you know the words, I would invite you to take a moment sometime to close your eyes and sing this slowly and quietly instead of skimming over it..... Let it sit on your heart..

Where you there when they crucified my lord?
Where you there when they crucified my lord..?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble...
Where you there when they crucified my lord?

Where you there when they nailed him to a tree?
Where you there when they nailed him to a tree..?
Oh, sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble....
Where you there when they nailed him to a tree?

Where you there when they laid him in a tomb?
Where you there when they laid him in a tomb..?
Oh, sometimes....sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble...
Where you there when they laid him in a tomb?

Sometimes......it causes me to tremble....

new things

2009-02-20T07:12:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

God is doing wonderful things. Let me tell you. :-)

Last week I started tutoring at a small school called the Potter's House in downtown Grand Rapids for one of my classes. It's a small Christian school located right in the middle of the slums of GR. It began 25 years ago or so by several Calvin College graduates who had a vision for establishing a school in the poorest part of the city that would offer a solid Christian education for economically disadvantaged families and immigrants who wouldn't be able to afford it otherwise. It is beautiful.

They meet in an old, partially run down facility in the middle of the slums, and much of their resources are outdated, but the people there are amazing. My first day there I tutored an 8th grade girl from Puerto Rico, a 6th grade boy from Bosnia, and another 6th grade boy from downtown Grand Rapids. And yesterday I helped a 12 year old boy from Tanzania take a Bible test who had grown up in 3 different refugee camps in east Africa and had only lived in the United States for one year. He knew 5 other languages. The students are SO diverse -- Koreans, Bosnians, Mexicans, Porto Ricans, Indians, Venezuelans, Tanzanians, Israelis, and locals... And those are only the few that I have met so far in 2 days...

All I know is that after helping that Tanzanian boy understand his English Bible test yesterday, I knew....I knew that that is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. It is so crazy how God has brought me from a place of such uncertainty about teaching English over the last few months to a place of such joy and confidence in doing that work. There are still plenty of doubts, but one by one, He is tearing down the walls. Praise the Lord!

As for the next big thing God is doing... I had a meeting today with Darla England in the Teacher Ed division about doing my student teaching overseas, and I met with Gerald Longjohn (in charge of cross cultural ministries on campus) last week to talk about my desire to eventually teach overseas, particularly in the Middle East as he served in Dubai as a missionary for many years himself. And both of them were so encouraging. I will spare you the details, but from those 2 meetings it looks as if I will be able to find a placement overseas in almost any country I wish for my student teaching next spring, and there is a very good possiblity that I could be teaching full time overseas, if that is where God takes me, as early as the beginning of next summer. I could not be more excited! :-)

Please continue to pray that God would make His will for my future ever clearer to me as time moves on, and that He would give me the faith and flexibility to follow in His easy yoke over the next year. Pray that He would make me patient and teachable...

And thank you for all of your prayers already. He is leading me to exciting new things. :-)

the whole story

2009-02-11T10:17:00.001-08:00

Yesterday in chapel, our university president, Joe Stowell, spoke to us about his recent trip to Southeast Asia. He had been there to speak at a conference for Christian English teachers with the organization ELIC (English Language in China). ELIC recruits Christian English foreign language teachers from the U.S. to teach in China, to use English as a gateway to bringing the gospel to this closed country. Over the years, however, ELIC has grown and now sends teachers to China, Hong Kong, Laos, Cambodia, Napal, Thailand, and Vietnam. From what I understand, there were hundreds of these teachers at this conferece in Thailand.

Anyway, ELIC took the opportunity to video some of the conference and put together a short film on their ministry and the people it works with, which Joe Stowell shared with us in chapel.

There was some introduction to the video, but the main part of the film consisted of a montage with a song playing in the background where current ELIC teachers at the conference faced the camera with two outstretched fists, side-by-side, in front of the camera. One by one, the people would open their right hand first, palm up, to reveal the first part of their testimony written on their hand. After a few seconds, they would then open the other hand to reveal "the rest of the story."

Some people had written things like, "0-21: defining who I was" and then, "22-today: allowing myself to be defined by Jesus Christ."

Or, "4 years of misery resisting God's calling" and then, "Peace and fulfillment teaching in Laos until Abba moves me. 3 years and counting..."

Or, "A lifetime struggling with depression and anxiety disorder" and then, "Chains broken by the Great Healer."

Or, "No real passion for the Cambodian people" and then, "Deepest love for the Cambodian lost 2 years later."

Their testimonies were so powerful. But one thing hit me hard...

There was one girl on the video who I'll never forget. She literally couldn't stop smiling..

Most people showed their right hand with a straight face, and then smiled when they revealed the second hand revealing the story of their redemption, but this girl smiled the entire time. And it wasn't one of those fake smiles... She just couldn't stop it. She didn't try. It just overflowed. Even when she showed the first hand, her excitement was bubbling over -- she couldn't WAIT to show her other hand...

I want to be like that girl...

Because it struck me that this is what God's children are -- they are a people who know the whole story! Like an excited little kid, they are a people who can't wait to show the "first hand" because they know the joy found in the second hand! They are a people who smile in the midst of darkness and overflow with excitement in the revelation of their weaknesses because they know the rest of the story! They are a people unashamed -- a people unafraid -- a people who burst with joy at the sight of brokenness because they know the freedom found in the bittersweet refrain:

Jesus saves!

sometimes

2009-02-08T13:21:00.001-08:00

Sometimes it just hits me how small I am.....

It is so humbling..

me and my baby face

2009-02-02T09:24:00.000-08:00

Not a ton of time here between classes, but I had to share this story! Ha.

I got up early this morning to go do my Teacher Assisting at Northpointe High School (sidenote: at 6am I could already tell it was going to be a crazy day -- I have always known that I struggle when it comes to dressing myself formally, [Haha. Yes, you heard me.] and therefore, I leave an extra hour every morning before work to decide what I'm going to wear and tie my tie. Ridiculous? Yes, I know. But this morning was REAL bad, haha. First, I had just washed all of my button down shirts the night before and had forgotten to iron them. Typical. It wouldn't have been a problem except that I know for a fact that there isn't one single iron on the whole 2 men's floors of Crawford Residence Hall, haha. Oh well. So I gave up that idea and decided to borrow a shirt from Caleb [my roommate]. Then I had to tie my tie. Usually I leave about 20 minutes every morning for this battle, lol. But today I had misplaced my printed tie tying guide from Google, so instead of turning on my computer and waiting and looking it up and all, I decided to go solo. Which worked out ok -- after a few minutes of experimenting, I remembered HOW to tie my tie, but I simply could NOT tie my tie. It was either too long or too short or crooked or the knot was too fat or too skinny -- you get the idea. I used all 20 minutes. And still wasn't satisfied. But it was good enough -- especially after I threw a jacket on over top. I ran out the door and made it just on time.).

Anyway, looking back, that was a foreshadowing of my morning at school this morning. Lots of crazy things happened, but I have to tell this one.

So Mrs. H sent me into the copy room to make 90 copies of 2 different worksheets, and hole punch them and staple them into packets, and glad to have something to work on, I made my way confidently to the office. She had showed me how to use the 2 copy machines last week, so I walked in the empty room and began scanning my original papers. Not 5 seconds after I arrived, however, at least 5 or 6 other teachers walked in the room behind me needing to make copies. The first lady in went straight to the other machine and got to work, but the next one in was a man, and seeing a teacher at the other machine, he immediately turned to me and his eyes widened in horror as he saw me just punching in the amount of copies I needed (I had not even begun to copy anything yet). Immediately he reached over and put his hand on my shoulder and pulled me back out of the way and said, "What are you doing in here? You are not allowed to use this room!"

Shocked, I looked at the other teachers looking at me and stammered, "Umm, I'm a TA for Mrs. H and she sent me in here to make copies of these worksheets."

"I don't care," he said, "You are not allowed to use this room without office training. Unfortunately, Mrs. H is going to have to make her own copies, or you can ask someone who knows what they're doing."

Trying to seem as respectful and innocent as possible (while admittedly grinning in my head), I held the papers out to him and said, "Well then would you mind helping me make these copies?" He had a stack of papers in his own hands that needed copying.

Realizing what he had just said, he annoyedly replied, "Uhhh, I don't have time for that. Why don't you go check with the secretary."

So, nodding politely, and with a "Yes, sir. I will. Thank you," I stepped aside. He then stepped in front of me and started to use the machine, but my paper was still in there, so he grunted and said, "Now you've got this all set up the wrong way (aka, the wrong way for what HE needed -- I had done it right)." As he fiddled with it, pressing buttons, it finally froze on him. "See, that's why you can't be in here. Everyone needs copies and now the machine's broken." I just stood there grinning in my head, but managed a serious, "I'm sorry, sir," before I took my things and left.

Anyway, I gave Mrs. H the report, and after several apologies, she rolled her eyes and escorted me back to the room to work things out. All the teachers were gone by then, however. With the copy machine up and working again, she apologized a couple more times and said that she would clarify things with the other faculty as soon as she could, and then had me get back to work. After she left, I snuck out to the office, though, and asked if they had a badge for substitute teachers or student teachers. They did, and I put the badge in my pocket and returned to the copy room. I got through most of the stack, and was in the middle of the last few copies, when an arm from behind me reached around and pushed the "Stop" button on the machine, and a familiar voice said, "Didn't I just tell you that you weren't allowed in here? Come with me."

He turned to go, but I touched his arm, holding up my badge and said, "Sir, I'm sorry, but I'm a student at Cornerstone University. I'm working with Mrs. H. this semester."

He had just opened his mouth to say something, but at that, he snapped it shut and a look of horror passed over him again, and he said, "Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry! I thought you were...I just thought.....I mean, I...I'm very sorry. I thought you were a student! I feel SO awful; here, what can I do for you?"

After that, he was very kind and helpful, and I managed to get everything done just fine. It was all just a misunderstanding, and I got his name after that, and we chatted a bit, and we're pretty much best friends now, but that was the highlight of my morning, haha. Oh man...high school....lol.

I still don't understand how he could have thought that I was a student when I was dressed in a suit and tie and it was pajama day during spirit week today, so all the students were in their PJs...ha. Oh well, I guess that's what I get for having such a cute little baby face... haha. Maybe I do need to bring back the harley biker beard! ;-)

alone with my thoughts

2009-01-31T13:04:00.000-08:00

For some reason this week has gone by extra quickly. I can't even really remember what I did to fill my time. I think part of that is because I have filled my 7 day schedule to the brink with classes, soccer practice, work (3 different jobs), DC small group, morning prayer meetings, Community Group, captain's meetings, DC training seminars, church, volunteer work, tutoring, and Teacher Assisting just for that reason -- so that I don't have time to sit around too much. I've just discovered over the years that it's not always healthy for me to have too much spare time to myself. I don't know -- I'm weird -- I scored exactly the same score in each category of "Extrovert" and "Introvert" on the Myer Briggs Personality test, ha. While big groups of people drain me, and I'm not real outgoing, and I enjoy time alone to read or walk or just rest, I still absolutely love people (I'm studying to be a teacher, after all) and often being alone is actually just as bad for me -- it can be very draining too sometimes. I know that there is a balance for all people, but it just takes time to figure out what you can handle personally and where your limits are. It's a process that I'm still working through. :-)

Anyway, today is one of those rare days that I do have some time. 9 hours of time, actually. Ha. I came in to the gym today to work stats for a women's basketball game, but now I'm sitting at the front desk working supervisor shift for the next 7 hours. Lots of times there are events or set up or tear down that I will be working on during this time, but not today. Which is nice - I have homework to work on and a book to read and scholarship applications to fill out (and blogs to update), but it's also just a lot of time, ha. But I'll manage. :-)

So I got started thinking this weekend about "places of peace." Or at least that's what I call them. I'm not exactly sure how to describe them, though. They're those very specific places in my life where I go sometimes to get away. They're those places where, when I'm there, I just feel removed from everything that's going on -- there's no pressure to perform or to work or to get things done or to be any certain way -- I can just be.

Some of them are very peculiar places. The shower in my apartment is one of them, ha. Maybe now you know a little better what I'm talking about? When you're in the shower, it's just you and the hot water and your thoughts -- there's no interruptions or work to be done or immediate concerns -- it's just relaxing. Peaceful.

There's a niche in the corner of the library behind some bookshelves that's like that too, funny as it sounds, haha. It's just a place I'll go sometimes between classes or what not to read or take a nap even. The shelves are full of huge, dusty research books, so no one ever goes back there, and every time I go there, it's just the same feeling -- I can just breathe.

My car is another one of those places (when I'm in there alone), and the prayer room in my dorm (I think I'm the only one who uses it), and the dirt road over the hills behind my house in Camarma, and trains (yes, trains). I'm sure that we all have some odd places like this. It's just an interesting concept.

And then, of course, this got me started thinking if there was such a thing as "people of peace." Same concept: when you're with them, you can just breathe... I don't know how else to describe it. I don't know that there are many people like that in my life. Is that a good thing to be? It's a curious question... Was Jesus like that? I don't feel like it would have ever been very peaceful being around Jesus -- at least not as a disciple of his -- there would always be this pressure to succeed, to measure up, I feel. It seems like he was always rebuking someone... There aren't many times recorded in the gospel when Jesus stopped just to encourage someone or listen to their family problems or laugh at a joke or cry with them or help them do their homework or carry their luggage....it's always made me wonder how much of that actually went on behind the scenes...

Because the crowds were drawn to him like sheep looking for a shepherd. There must have been something very peaceful about him...something very affirming -- very gentle...and yet very strong.. And I know that we are called to live at peace with one another as far as it is possible with us. But is that the same thing? It just makes me wonder what I need to work on in order to get to that place....to be a "person of peace." Where when people are with me, they can let down their facade for a moment and laugh or cry or rest or joke or converse intimately with no fear -- even with people I who bug me sometimes.. But especially with those who are close to me... I want to be a true encourager, a true servant, a true giver, and a true forgiver. To be a person of contagious joy and thankfulness all the time who has not a care for himself or his problems, but only for the people around him...

That's where I so desperately want to be, and yet I've got such a long way to go... I'm working on it..

first day of high school

2009-01-25T19:47:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow morning is my first day of high school in 3 years. Ha. I'm taking a class this semester called Teacher Assistant Practicum (TAP), where I have to log 5 hours/week at a local high school being a teacher's aide. I've been located at Northpointe Christian High School in a Spanish classroom. I'm technically an English major, so I should be in an English classroom, but I guess there were no more positions available by the time they got around to me, so since I'm fluent in Spanish, that's where I ended up. And that's fine - I'm happy with it - the classroom experience is what I really need. Tomorrow will be my first day meeting the kids and getting introduced to the classroom and the routines, but after a few days, I'm sure I'll be doing a lot of grading, making copies, leading activities, designing bulletin boards, etc. I even have to have myself videotaped teaching a lesson by the end of the semester for evaluation. I know it's all nothing like student teaching or being a full time teacher for that matter, but it's a huge step for me, especially as I'm still so doubtful about my abilities and general calling to the classroom. I absolutely love kids, but there are so many doubts still...

Thanks for all your prayers always.. If you would, too, be praying for Breana also, as she heads to India this week. I am so excited for what the Lord has for her there, and yet I know that there will be many hard times too... I worry for her a good bit, but I know that she will be doing what she loves most. :-) Just pray that God would bless the work of her hands and the words of her mouth there -- that He would be sufficient for her, and that He would give her the strength that she needs every day to keep serving and loving like Jesus. We will all miss her...

And last of all, for tonight, I don't want to go into depth, but I just want you to know that I could really use your prayers right now too. This last week has been one of the hardest weeks of my life, and I am just feeling so torn and broken. I need Jesus. Pray that I would really fix my eyes on Him right now, and that His Spirit would lead me into truth, and heal the wounds with grace, and give me peace, and enable me to run the race this semester. But most of all, pray that He would teach me to just be still and wait for Him. I struggle with that so much. I know that He will bring me out....sometimes it's just a long road..

I am so thankful for each of you, my friends. Thank you for everything.

letting go

2009-01-15T21:42:00.000-08:00

...back to Michigan....

I think I'm ready now, though.. It just feels ok now...

There is some part of me that is deeply tired still, but every day He leads me beside peaceful waters.
I am fearful about this semester, but every day His rod and His staff bring me comfort.
I am stepping in to an unfamiliar place, but even in the presence of my enemies, He prepares a feast for me.
I feel dry, but every day I am amazed at the riches that run over.
Surely....

Surely......

Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all of the days of my life, and I will dwell in the House of YHWH - The Most High God - forever...

After all.....He is my shepherd. :-)

It is well with my soul...

:-)

love

2009-01-13T11:07:00.000-08:00

When I got up this morning, my mom handed me a short article that she had randomly found on her desk that she thought I might find interesting. I don't know where she got it from or why she thought of me when she read it, but she did, and it really hit me in a deep and intimate way. I wish that I could find the words to articulate what has been going through my head over the last month so that you could really understand how much this meant for me this morning, but I know this much - it was an answer to prayer from God. He is so good. :-)

-----

I Corinthians 13 - A Guide to Culture

If I speak in the tongue of a national, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I wear the national dress and understand the culture and all forms of etiquette, and if I copy all mannerisms so that I could pass for a national but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor, and if I spend my energy without reserve, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love endures long hours of language study, and is kind to those who mock his accent; love does not envy those who stayed home; love does not exalt his home culture - is not proud of his national superiority.

Love does not boast about "the way we do it back home," does not seek his own ways, is not easily provoked into telling about the beauty of his home country, does not think evil about this culture;

Love bears all criticism about his home culture, believes all good things about this new culture, confidently anticipates being at home in this place, endures all inconveniences.

Love never fails; but where there is cultural anthropology, it will fail; where there is contextualization, it will lead to syncretism; where there is linguistics, it will change.

For we know only part of the culture and we minister to only part. But when Christ is reproduced in this culture, then our inadequacies will be insignificant.

When I was in America, I spoke as an American, I understood as an American, I thought as an American; but when I left America, I put American things away.

Now we adapt to this culture awkwardly, but He will live in it intimately; now I speak with a strange accent, but He will speak to the heart.

And now these three remain: cultural adaptation, language study, and love.

But the greatest of these is love.

-----

A long time ago I remember my dad saying once, "God does not call the qualified; He calls the willing, then He qualifies them."

he loves to give his people rest... :-)

2009-01-11T21:43:00.000-08:00

Our family got back today from a 3 day weekend retreat which was SO refreshing. The idea was just to get away for a few days to be able to talk and rest and do some focusing. Ever since mom and dad and crew got here on the 25th, we've all been together, but we haven't had a moment to ourselves; it was good to get away. We spent the time at a cottage in the middle of nowhere with no tv or internet, and spent most of our time reading, playing games, going on walks, talking, wrestling with Dave, and goofing off... It was good to catch up with people and was just something I needed.

I'm not sure that I'm ready to head back up to school again quite yet, but I think I'm getting closer. I still have a few more days to figure it out. ;-)

I'll just add that I continue to be amazed and inspired by what I have been reading in a book called Three Cups of Tea that I got for Christmas about this guy who builds schools for impoverished children in the Pakistan region and Islamic culture -- something inside of me is restless to go out and serve and become a part of something larger than myself. Something inside of me is sickened by the thought of mediocrity and easiness and convenience, and something inside of me jumps at the thought of working in places like the Middle East to love on people and make a difference, despite the hoard of doubts and fears that claw for my attention...

And on the subject of books, I have also been completely blown away once more by what I have read (for the third time) in Rob Bell's bestseller, Sex God. It is definitely a must read for every person - Christian on not, married or single, young or old - it addresses all people, and its insights into the mind of God and humans as divine image bearing individuals are absolutely brilliant. It's well worth your time -- whether you have it or not! ;-)

Anyway, it's late tonight I'm up early tomorrow morning to go with my dad to Lexington for the day to help my uncle move, so I'm off to bed! Praise the Lord for rest! :-)

dad, my hero :-)

2009-01-08T21:20:00.000-08:00

So I went out to the car this morning to run some errands with my dad, and I got outside only to see that my dad had gone out and bought and replaced all of my car's hub caps! haha. We had been working on the car some last week, and it was then that he had noticed that one of my hub caps was missing, so while I was gone yesterday, he took the time and energy to go out and get me new ones and put them on himself.

When I mentioned it this morning, he just smiled and said it must have been from Santa. ;-) ha.. What a great guy!

WARNING: this is equivalent to a 4 page paper! ;-)

2009-01-06T19:32:00.000-08:00

A Search for Truth: An Informal Essay

Lately I have given much thought to what the Christian philosophy on education is -- if such a thing even exists...? It is very confusing and frustrating because there do not seem to be any clear cut answers, and yet I know that there must be a Biblical perspective. So I guess I'm writing this partly to "voice" my thoughts (as I am a linguistic processor), but also partly to receive input and opinions from anyone reading this.. They would be much appreciated.

I feel like I should first give you a brief overview of my educational background. I was homeschooled from age 4 through the first part of my 2nd grade year due to the fact that my parents were traveling all over the country raising support to leave for the mission field, and it was terribly inconvenient to have 2 kids in a formal school at that time. I was placed in a local public school for the second half of my 2nd grade year, however, and by the end of that year, my parents were ready to head to Costa Rica for language training. I completed most of my 3rd and 4th grade years there in San Jose at a private American Christian school. After that, my parents were ready to head to Spain where they planned to serve full time. Once in Spain, I attended ECA (Evangelical Christian Academy), a very small, diverse, private American Christian school for missionary kids to prepare them for higher level education in the United States, through my Freshman year of high school. During my Sophomore year, my parents took a year long furlough in the U.S., and I attended the same public school that I had attended in the 2nd grade, but this time as a high schooler and for a whole year. After that year, we flew back to Madrid, where I finished up my last 2 years of high school, graduated, and began attending Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where I am today.

So that's me. And here is my dilemma: as Christians, what is our calling/duty in terms of educating our own children?

There are advantages and disadvantages to all three options -- homeschooling, Christian schooling, or public schooling. But I am not so concerned with which method is easier or more "safe" or more flexible or even more academically or socially advantageous. I am mostly concerned with which is right. Or perhaps better stated: with which is wisest.

Here has been my train of thought on this issue so far: The purpose of education, as I see it, is to raise up children in such a way that they are equipped with the knowledge and skills necessary to be men and women of irreproachable character and integrity as well as intelligent, responsible, contributing members of society. That came pretty much straight out of my Mission Statement as an educator. But that is how I see things, and it is from that foundation that I perceive everything else on this subject. Education is a huge part of "raising children" -- I do not see them as separate -- if I were to make this into a graph, "Raising Children" would be represented by a large circle, and "Education" would form a smaller circle inside of the first. All of education is a part of raising children.

And this is important because while the Bible does not say a whole lot on what our responsiblity is as Christian parents in terms of academically educating our children, it has TONS to say on what our responsibility is as Christian parents in terms of raising our children, and so when it talks about how children should be raised, those same principles should be applied to how our children should be educated. Right? I feel like this might be a place where people will challenge my reasoning..? That's ok -- that's what I'm writing this for.

Anyway, we are all familiar with verses such as the one in Proverbs that says, "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." I think there is much wisdom and truth in that saying, although there are always exceptions. But in general, I think that most Christians would agree that this passage implies that kids should be raised being taught out of a foundation of Biblical Truth, and being taught how to live as importantly (if not more so??) as being taught the right knowledge and skills necessary to be an intelligent, contributing member of society. Still tracking?

Furthermore, when looking at the Bible and how education was set up in the Jewish culture, this idea is backed up: young Jewish boys were educated in the local synagogues from a young age, while girls were taught at home. In both settings, they were instructed from a foundation of Biblical Truth, and were instructed on how to live as well as what they needed to know to survive. And God was always very adamant that parents should instruct their children on godly living from an early age, and that the Hebrews (and later, Christians) should not mix and intermarry with non-believing peoples -- in large part, I believe, so that other pagan ideas and influences would not be brought into the homes, causing children to stray. Am I taking stuff out of context here? Or extrapolating too much..? I am not trying to take sides -- I am only trying to understand the truth here based on patterns and ideas that I see in the Bible...

Anyway, because of these ideas, from a purely Biblical standpoint, it seems to me that homeschooling and Christian schooling are the most wise and "right" options for our children. And yet I have a problem with that. But first, let me finish: I see these two as the best options, because only in those 2 environments can our kids be taught Truth, and only in these environments can our kids be taught priciples of wise Christian living based on the Bible. The public school does not allow for that. Why should we allow our kids to be educated in a system that is 1) opposed to teaching Biblical Truth (there is NO neutral ground), 2) that encourages many Biblically immoral behaviors, and that 3) has fostered an environment where student peer-pressure to conform to immorality is immense because the system does not accept any foundation of truth from which to train and discipline its students.

Why would Christians ever allow their kids to have a large part of their "being raised" to happen in such an environment when the Bible is so clear on how our kids should be raised?

Yet I see the other side of the issue as well. As Christians, are we not commanded to live in the world and wrestle with it? Are we not commanded to engage? Were we ever commanded to shelter ourselves? Didn't Jesus set the example and befriend (not only befriend, but actually commune with!) the worst of sinners? Were his last words not that we should "go into all the world, making disciples"? Doesn't this command go for all Christians, and not just adults? Do you see..? There is a controversy here, it seems....

I see both sides. And I guess here is the temporary, half-hesitant understanding that I have come to after thinking so much about this... I believe wholeheartedly that kids need to be brought up "in the way they should go," because 1) as a good father, I would only ever wish to impart Truth to my children, and 2) because as a good father, I desire more than anything to see my kids succeed and be blessed in the Lord, and so I will do everything in my power to train up my kids in the Lord. Therefore, I believe that kids should be well grounded in Biblical truth FIRST. And I do not believe that that can happen well if the kids are simultaneously attending a public school. And some may ask, "Can you not train up your child in the right way at home, and then send them to school?" And my answer is: I don't know. It just seems to me that at such a crucial time in their lives -- when they are establishing what is True and good and right -- by allowing them to attend a public school, they will be hearing opposite things through each ear. Why take the risk in confusing your kid by teaching him one thing at home and then sending him off where he is taught (or pressured) into behaving or believing the complete opposite in many instances? Maybe a little sheltering is good and wise at a young age... Just like we shelter our kids from seeing certain movies or reading certain books or engaging in certain activities at a young age until they have developed sound judgment -- the same only makes sense when considering education.

Because then there is the second part of the proverb: "and when he is old, he will not depart from it." See, it used to seem to me that "when he is old" meant like, maybe 70 years old. Because that's old. But I don't think that's what it really means. See, the whole proverb is speaking to the human condition; it is addressing the fact that every human operates off of a foundation of beliefs. A person's beliefs directly influences a person's behavior. And so this proverb is exhorting Christian parents to train up their children in such a way that these Biblical foundations of beliefs are established in their lives, and once this happens, this belief system will directly influence their actions so that their actions will be consistent with their beliefs and they will not stray from the foundation they received. At least that is the theory -- and for the most part, that is the rule. Because it takes quite a bit for someone to become convinced that their foundational beliefs are wrong. It is only after our children have developed and adopted this foundation that it is right for parents to "release" them into the world -- yes, Jesus engaged the world and befriended Gentile sinners and commanded his followers to engage the world, but only after he had been trained up and tested; for Jesus, that process of "readying" himself took 30 years... But yet his disciples were commanded to engage the world as teenagers -- the age is irrelevant -- only that each man knew who he was and what he was about and what he stood for before he was ready to go out.

So, Aaron, give me a straight answer: public school, Christian school, or homeschool? Unfortunately, I have no straight answer for you, mostly because I do not believe this question has a straight, simple answer. I think it has a very complex answer, actually. But I will put it this way: I believe that Christian parents should start out by having their kids educated in a place they will be taught Truth, and where they will be disciplined well, held accountable for their actions, and where they will be able to see solid Christian living modeled for them. Whether it is via homeschool or a Christian school, those things are what is important at that stage. (Personally, I prefer Christian schooling.) Then, once they have established and adopted the Biblical foundation for their own (if they do), should parents feel free to make the decision whether or not to send them to a public school. I think that this age will vary from child to child, but personally (and perhaps somewhat naively?), I would think that it would be wise to keep kids in a largely Christian environment up until sometime in middle school.

Anyway, that is the longest entry that I have ever written, by far, and so actually I am very discouraged at the moment, because I do not think many people will take the time to read it, and yet I want feedback. I hope that those of you who did read it have benefitted from it, or at the very least, that you have been challenged by it. And I am especially hoping that some of you will comment back and challenge me in return. :-) Blessings!

a deeeeeeep breath...

2009-01-05T07:33:00.000-08:00

Seeing as how I have not updated this blog since sometime late last year (har har), I felt that it was time to fill in all of my die hard blogspot reader fans on the recent excitement -- nay, more like thriller-esque-fingernail-biting-edge-of-your-seat-action-frenzied-adventuresome-last-3-weeks -- of my life.

AKA "family"

Haha. It all started out when my sister Lynnette and I came down from Michigan to Kentucky to spend our 5 week Christmas break with family. Apart from a 3 day trip to Nashville to visit my aunt and her kids, we spent a pretty laid back first week and a half with our grandparents. Our parents and 2 younger siblings were supposed to arrive from Spain on the 23rd and spend Christmas with us all, but they got stuck in Chicago by a huge snowstorm for two days and couldn't make it down until Christmas evening. Which was kinda hard. Even though I've been away for a while, it was the first time in my life that I'd had to spend most of Christmas day away from my immediate family. At least I got to see them, though. God is good. :-)

That's when the craziness started.

We spent 2 days celebrating Christmas with my mom's parents and their extended family, and then we went down to Richmond (an hour south) to see my dad's parents and his extended family for 4 days. It was the first time in almost 10 years (?) that my dad's family has all been together at once (one of my uncles and his family are missionaries in France, we lived in Spain, and the rest are spread out along the whole east coast). And my dad has 4 other siblings, all with fairly decent sized families. So needless to say, things were crazy. We ended up counting, and in all, there were 16 crazy cousins, 12 enthused adults, 4 yelping dogs, 1 annoyed cat, and 1 crochety old parakeet -- all under one roof. Well, the oldest 6 boy cousins ended up sleeping in the church down the road due to a lack of facilities at grandma's house, but for the most part, we were all under one roof. And to top it all off, we were all Mussers. And I'm just going to leave it at that for now -- I can't even begin to describe the crazy atmosphere -- you'll have to experience it sometime for yourselves. Well, except for some of you fanatic, avid amusser11 blogspot readers.....I'm not sure I want you all to come...that just might be creepy....

Anyway, then we headed back up to our other grandparent's house again because mom's brother and family from Ohio had come down to visit. So we spent 4 more days up there. Dad helped me fix my car (changed the spark plugs, fixed a kinked fuel line, installed a new radio (Woohoo!!), fixed a broken emergency break cable, fixed some leaking windows, and rotated the tires (which ended up being a 4+ hour long ordeal as one of the tires had rusted to the drum and would not come off even after being beaten with a sledgehammer...we DID finally get it off, though), and we finally left on Sunday to come back down to Richmond, because David and Emily start school today (Monday).

So here I am now, sprawled out on the couch in the basement of mamaw's (grandma's) house, while mom and dad organize and move in (the basement is a furnished apartment with 2 bathrooms, 2 bedrooms, a living room, and kitchenette, where mom and dad and fam will be living for the next 6 months), taking my first deep breath, it seems, in.....well....a long time.

You can be praying for my younger brother and sister... They just started high school today in a public school not far from here. It's the same school that I attended during my sophomore year of high school here in the U.S., but it's their first time ever in an American public high school, and their big brother is feeling a little anxious for them... Yesterday I reminded David to say no to drugs and peer pressure and to make lots of new friends (but NOT girl friends!), and also to stop, drop, and roll (see diagram) if he's ever on fire. That's about as much American public high school orientation as he's ever had before. Neither of them had ever even opened a combination locker lock before yesterday (as far as I know) when we went in to figure out his class schedule. They could just use some prayer...ha..

And also be praying for my parents as they settle in here. From next weekend until May 29th, mom and dad have every single weekend full, visiting supporters and supporting churches all over the east coast. They'll be traveling through about 8 different states over the next 15 weeks visiting people, all the while my brother and sister will be in school here and dad will be trying to fit in a required internship he has to complete for his second master's degree. It's just a lot going on...

Anyway, mom is calling me to help unpack some things and move some furniture around this morning, so I better jump at it. I have the next week and a half pretty free, though, before I head back up to icy MI, and I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking over this break, so you'll be hearing more from me pretty soon. I'm sure you avid fans out there can't wait. ;-) Peace!

P.S. -- I just remembered this that I had to share! My brother told me that on their flight from Chicago to Cincinnati on Christmas day, a guy dressed up as Santa was flying on the same flight. I guess my brother saw him in line and asked him if he had lost his reindeer, to which he looked annoyedly at my brother and sarcastically replied, "Ho, ho, ho." Hahaha, I just wish I had been there... ;-)

Jesus SAVES!!! ;-)

2008-12-12T21:11:00.000-08:00

I made it.

After an absolutely insanely busy week, an all-nighter last night (well, ok, fine - I got 2 hours of sleep..), and a 7 hour drive today to Cincinnati today (without a radio!), I am happy -- nay, delighted -- to report that I have made it. I have had to consume more sugar in the last 48 hours than I probably have over the course of the whole semester in order to make it, but it is finished. At least for the next 5 weeks.

Anyway, I am heading to BED now, as it is a little after midnight already and I am running on 2 hours of sleep in the last 2 days, but I wanted to let everyone know that Lynnette and I made it safely to Cincinnati -- PRAISE THE LORD! -- and that I appreciate all your prayers so much. We will be staying here till Sunday with our aunt and uncle and cousins, and then heading the rest of the way down to Kentucky, where we'll be for the remainder of break -- till January 18th. I will be sure to keep you updated as things happen.

With love,
Aaron

slow motion?

2008-12-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

Oh my goodness.... it is the last week of the school semester.... the home stretch....... This should be the part where all the runners pick up the pace and give it all they've got till the end, but I feel more like someone has gotten a hold of the remote and put life everything in slow motion... A lot of it has to do with the fact that it is the week of finals and yet I have only one final -- on Wednesday morning. However, I still have several big projects to finish up, so all day today (and most of the day tomorrow) I have been (and will be) sitting in my apartment working on papers, desperately attempting to find the balance between cat naps, work, and distractions to help me avoid cat naps, which if combined correctly, equals optimal focus and efficiency. At least for me...

I'm sure there's some sort of math equation to figure out the averages or the tangent or the square root quotient or whatever so that I know the perfect combination, but I don't like math, so I just follow my heart. And Jesus. (Sometimes He convicts me when I nap too long.) So anyway, that will be my life for the next 3 days or so. That, and also cleaning my apartment spotless for check out and packing everything I own for a month out of town (Although you must understand that everything I own this side of the Atlantic fits into precisely 2 suitcases and 2 medium boxes; I'm a missionary kid -- "packing" is my middle name. Well, basically. Ha.).

Anyway, then Lynnette and I head down to Cincinnati on Friday to stay with our aunt and uncle and cousins for a few days before going the rest of the way down to Lexington, Kentucky on Sunday or Monday to stay with grandmother and grandfather until mom and dad and fam come on the 23rd. I am SO excited to see them again -- it'll have been over a year... :-) Just pray that our car makes it down there in one piece -- it's been giving us some problems recently... I think we'll be ok, though, and once we make it down, dad can help me look at it. Dad knows how to fix everything. :-)

Well, I thought I'd include a picture of the family from last December in Madrid, for those of you who haven't seen us all before. Awww... :-) I'll keep you posted as my week goes on! Peace!

oh, snow...

2008-12-01T18:02:00.000-08:00

It is the 1st of December today and there is snow... Everywhere. Last night the weather forecast said that there could be up to 10 inches by morning; we probably got around 6 or 7. And that is about 6 or 7 too much for my liking, ha.

P.S. - My dear friend Brittany always puts up sweet pictures on her blog, so I decided I would too, just so I can be cool too. And it's a picture of snow. Coincidence?? I think not! ;-)

Even though I have lived in Michigan for two years now, sadly, I am still not a huge fan of snow. Actually, that is not entirely true -- I think that snow is ABSOLUTELY beautiful when it falls gently from the sky and fills the air, and if that is all that snow ever did, then I would have no problems with snow, and I would rejoice to see it and throw feasts and sing and dance at its first appearance, but as it is, I am left with mixed feelings... See, snow is nice and beautiful when it is in the air, but as soon as it lands and makes puddles and slosh and mud and makes it so that you can't go anywhere without getting your pant legs soaked up to the knees and makes driving a nightmare and walking a balance act and pant salt stains a curse and outdoor sports an impossibility and campus shortcuts to class inaccessible and every moment of peace into a moment of paranoia at being attacked by one of your "friends," well.....then snow just becomes somewhat of a bother... So I do not thoroughly hate the snow, but......I would also be perfectly content if I never had to walk through more than a slight dusting of it ever again. Unless of course you want to PLAY in the snow, and then you can go to the mountains and enjoy all the snow you want, and then when you get sick of it, you can leave. It really is a perfect system. ;-)

And having said that, although I realize that I am still an amateur when it comes to dealing with snow, I have made another observation: when walking through snow while it's falling, no matter how you try to shield your face with your body or turn from the wind, the snow ALWAYS manages to fly inside your eyes and in your coat collar and down your neck. It is very aggressive that way. Another reason why it is a bother.

Anyway, those are my observations about snow. It seems as if it has decided to set in for the rest of the school year now, so I should probably get used to it, ha. Heck, maybe I'll even try and make the most of it one of these days. ;-)

bloggin'

2008-11-12T10:59:00.000-08:00

It just so happens that I have found myself with a rare spare moment of time, and so, in the spirit of procrastination at its finest, I have decided to tend to my much wounded blog. It is in need of immediate attention; the homework isn't due till next week. I think. I would like to think.

Anyway, actually, the reality is that I would NOT like to think about it. So for now, for this brief moment of heavenly rest, at least, I shan't. I say "shan't" because I just finished reading this novel for my 20th Century British lit class called Brideshead Revisited that was set in Victorian elite England in the 1940s, and they say things like "shan't" and "to-night" and "parlour." I'm afraid it has stuck with me...sometimes I speak to myself in my head with a 1940s Victorian elite English accent and sometimes it just slips out... My apologies. ;-)

Well, I just took a break to play foosball with Zach McCabe, and now I can't remember for the devil of me what I was going to say... It is quite vexing. (I can just picture my Victorian elite English friend, Charles, from the novel saying "D---!" in his quaint English accent after the last sentence... Oh dear, maybe I need to put the English accent away for a bit??? Right.)

Anyway, today it is winter here. Not quite like winter in South Dakota right now, as I understand it, but all I know is that on Friday of last week it was 68 degrees, by Saturday morning it was snowing, and by Sunday morning there was snow on the ground. By today it has melted, but it is still raining and quite miserable outside. I am so thankful for a place to be warm.....

As the semester draws closer to an end here (I believe we have 3 and a half weeks left till finals??), things are getting crazier, but it will all get done. Mostly I'm just really excited to see my family in 5 weeks. :-) It's a bitter-sweet time, though, with Bre leaving as well... I'm going to miss her... I'm hoping she ends up in India....that would be an amazing experience for her. :-) God is going to do great things in her life..

Anyway, I should probably wrap this up for now. I'm still frustrated that I can't remember what I was going to write about! lol. If it comes back to me, I'll be back soon! ;-) Blessings, all..

-Aaron

another piece

2008-11-04T16:23:00.001-08:00

I have NO homework due tomorrow??? What's this?? Really??? Projects, you might ask? Papers? Exams? Presentations due? Yes, I'm afraid: a-plenty. It IS nearing on the end of the semester after all... But not today (and perhaps most importantly, not tomorrow either!). Haha. Praise the Lord! :-)

Anyway, I'll go ahead and give you a quick run-down of my life over the last few days... On Saturday I went down with my sister to Fort Wayne, IN (about 2 1/2 hours south of GR) to see my aunt (my mom's sister and best friend) and some of our cousins. They all live in KY, but they were up in northern Indiana for a soccer tournament my cousins were in -- the two oldest are a year younger than Lynnette and I. So we went down early Saturday morning, hung out for the day, saw their games, and then headed back up to GR. We almost died on the way back because it was dark and we were just merging highways and I was trying to make sure I was on the right road and Lynnette was asleep, and so I didn't realize how close I was to the guy in front of me.. Suddenly he just swerved WAY off the road, and out of instinct I did the same thing, only to see that we had barely missed hitting a full sized deer carcass in the middle of our lane! It shook me up... There was a lot of traffic and it's a wonder no one was hurt... I thanked God the whole way back..

Then Sunday we went to church as usual with Bre and Cynthia, but after church we surprised Breana (well, kinda) and took her out for her half-birthday since she'll be gone for her real birthday next spring. We were going to take her out to this sweet orchard place that Cynthia knew about, but Cynthia called me on Sunday morning really upset because she found out they had closed for winter the DAY BEFORE! We had been planning this for over 2 weeks... ::sigh:: So we had to think fast and after church we just decided to go out for pizza at Pizza Hut since that's one of Bre's favorites. Turns out it was a good choice. ;-) She's the best.. :-)

Then yesterday was Monday and today is Tuesday. Ha. Nothing too incredibly special... Yesterday was kinda rotten for me just because of little things adding up and it carried through to this morning, putting me in a bad mood for most of the day, but I'm feeling fine tonight. I just got back from the hospital visiting a good friend of mine, Paul Davison. He goes with me and my roommate every Wednesday morning at 5am to our men's prayer meeting from church. He's a solid guy. Anyway, he broke his cheek bone in a game of IM football last week, and had surgery today and was in the hospital all day, so I went to see him. It was an adventure getting there -- what should have taken me 15 minutes to find took me 50 minutes -- partly because of a detour that got me turned around and partly because I don't know my RIGHT from my LEFT, apparently. ::sigh:: Ha. I found it eventually, though, and he was doing well. He could hardly talk because he was so drugged up, but he was cracking jokes the whole time.. I love that guy. :-)

Then the rest of this week is pretty low-key for me, except that all of my classes got canceled on Friday, so I'm planning to go see the women's soccer game in Detroit against Madonna. It could be their last this season... It should be fun to watch. I've never been to Detroit either, so I'm sure that'll be crazy..

Anyway, that's what I've been up to. It seems like a crazy topic came up in one of my classes the other day that I was like, "I'm going journal about that," but I can't seem to remember what it was... I need to start writing those things down.... If I do remember, even sometime this week, I'll be back! ;-) For tonight, I shall say good night -- now it's time for my nightly tradition (that started about 3 days ago, haha) of getting cozy in the corner of my small room with a cushion and a blanket and reading while sipping some Arizona sweet tea. ;-)

I'm praying for all of you Brendsels and you too, Paul Davison...

Mad love,
Aaron

resurrection

2008-10-27T10:17:00.001-07:00

Ok, self, we're doing this thing. Enough procrastinating. Enough excuses. I've got 20 minutes before my next class... ready? Go! haha.

Craziness. That's the word that keeps coming back to mind when I think about the last...week and a half? Something like that? Two weeks ago I spent my whole weekend working on a research paper for my 20th Century British Lit. class (I spent over 25 hours on it in 2 and a half days), and as a result, had to neglect several assignments for my other classes. I spent all of last week doing "double duty" trying to catch up. I'm still not quite there. Praise the Lord, though, the list grows shorter every day!

Then this weekend was crazy too. All day Saturday morning I spent watching the women's soccer game against our cross-town rivals Aquinas College. It was a good game. We probably should have won, but ended up with a 1-1 tie and our goal off a penalty, so I suppose we should be happy with the result... It was fun to watch. It was also FREEZING and raining the whole time. Haha, I wish you could have been there sometime after the 2nd half started to see myself and my 3 guy friends all huddled under 1 very soiled, very large, very old umbrella that Cynthia found for us under the stands(??). Haha, good times. :-)

That night I went with Breana to her team's Halloween event, "pick-a-date." It was sweet. Ha. The women from the women's team each ask a date to the event and then each couple has to dress up crazy. Last year we all met and split up into groups of 4 and did a picture scavenger hunt; this year we all met at Jess's house for a Halloween party, including some crazy pumpkin carving. Haha, I'll have to put up a few pictures when I can get my hands on some -- I forgot my camera in the car, so all the evidence is on Breana's camera. I'll save telling you what we dressed up as until you can see the pictures, haha. Oh, and by the way, we won the best costume prize. ;-)

Then Sunday I had the privilege of going to an all African-American church downtown for my Diverse Populations class. It was only my second experience in such a church (I was 5 years old for my first...), but I really enjoyed it. It was funny -- our whole class of 20 white, middle class Cornerstone students were there, sitting in the 3 rows reserved for us in the very front of the church, and during the worship, I turned to see the WHOLE sanctuary swaying and singing, and then turned back to see our group -- singing loudly -- but still as statues. Hahaha, cracked me up!! As my disclaimer, however, I normally do a bit of swaying myself when I sing, so I didn't feel TOO out of place, but it still made me laugh. The feeling of being the only white people in a very distinct cultural atmosphere was actually refreshing for me. That was my life for the 8 years that I lived in Spain... It felt like home. Except for the fact that I had to remind myself that here, everyone actually spoke English. :-)

Anyway, and that leaves me at today -- 2 minutes late to my next class with a LONG night of homework ahead of me and another early morning tomorrow... Blah. God, give me strength. :-) More to come!

imago dei

2008-10-13T06:30:00.000-07:00

I've been reading a book called "We Can't Teach What We Don't Know" for my educational Diverse Populations class this weekend, and last night I read a section on a social theory called "Minimal Group Paradigm." I don't know if you've heard of this idea, but it's a secular social theory based on several studies that basically asserts that human beings are prone to discriminate against each other, essentially creating invisible social hierarchies in which one group is superior to another. In this book, this theory is applied mostly in the context of racism and racial dominance, as difference in skin color is an easy difference to recognize, making it easier for people to separate into groups based on appearance.

However, the author gave another example of a time when he went to a small town in rural New York to give a multicultural seminar to the student bodies of the two public high schools there. According to the author, the two schools were "virtually indistinguishable demographically, [but] the students from one seemed to invest a great deal of energy in perpetuating a stereotype of students from the other school as 'a bunch of hicks.'" The author decided to play on this during his seminar, and soon found the students in heated arguments concerning the "degrees of hickness" of each group. Here, minimal group paradigm holds true even without the help of skin color to distinguish between the groups -- we humans are "pre-disposed" to discriminate, and if there is no basis for racial discrimination (as in this example), we will find another way!

Why do we revert to this?

I honestly believe Don Miller was right when he proposed that this problem goes back to the Fall and something that happened to our "humanness" in the severing of our relationship from our Creator when Adam and Eve first disobeyed God. Don Miller believes that humans were originally created to receive their affirmation from God -- it was their Creator who named them and walked with them and confirmed their beauty and purpose, and they were originally so connected and so confident in their purpose that there was no such thing as "low self-esteem" (to the point that Adam and Eve walked around naked and knew no shame). Humans were not originally created to compare themselves to one another -- comparison has only come about as a result of the broken connection between us and God and people's need to find their worth in how they measure up to others. And it is this hole in each of us -- this need to be affirmed and valued and loved -- that we somehow twist, not to fill with God's love, but with finding our value by our ranking in our social ladder.

So we create these invisible social hierarchies to validate ourselves and fill our "God-shaped holes." We are drawn to "fashionable" clothes to fit in, we play sports to determine the "best" teams, we align ourselves with social stereotypes (nerds, athletes, drama people, etc) to find community, and we work literally around the clock to quench our insatiable greed and desire buy our way to fame and popularity. Everything we do stems from our deep-rooted desire to be loved and accepted, and yet once we reach that point, it seems that we turn around and degrade the next person, separating ourselves from him or her for the mere purpose of raising ourselves higher.

It all makes me SO angry, but the more I think about it, the more I realize how embarrassingly guilty I am of perpetuating this sickness.... God, have mercy!

I'm just fascinated that what I thought to be a "Christian sociological hypothesis" formulated by Don Miller actually has an existing parallel theory in secular sociology -- even non-Christians recognize this aspect of human brokenness!! They just don't know the whole picture...

I know that I've written about this before, but I just find this whole idea so compelling, because it truly is a sickness, not only of humanity as a whole, but especially in the Western world -- the same Western world that cries "Freedom! Progress! Education!" as the saving ideals for humanity -- the same Western (and might I add "Christianized"??) world that looks down on (again with the comparisons!) cultures with actual social hierarchies in place, like that of India, and see ourselves as culturally advanced and supreme as a result. But then I think of what Jesus said in the gospels -- "If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If, then, the light within you is really darkness, how great is that darkness!" Because that is the thing about self-deception -- you don't know that you are being deceived...

Are we really any better off than the Indian culture, then, simply because we have not legitimized the invisible hierarchies we have already set in place in our culture? I realize that the hierarchical system in India is a HUGE evil and great tragedy, and I do not mean to trivialize it by comparing it to our invisible hierarchies in the Western world, but I simply mean to point out that we are no better off! We are just as lost, just as sick, and embarrassingly, twice as hypocritical, because I am afraid that our "light" is actually darkness in disguise...

God, have mercy on us... Root your children in your perfect love, so that we will be "complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." May your love overflow in us and through us into the broken lives of the people around us, so that you will be given glory in all things -- in our lives and in our world.

happiness

2008-10-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

Words just don't do it much justice... :-D

-Aaron J

global opportunities???

2008-10-03T11:26:00.000-07:00

It's always so interesting to me how college life seems to come in spurts of "Fridays." It's not like the rest of the week isn't filled with excitement and work and life-giving experiences, but...there's just something about Fridays. Something about knowing that your work is done for a time and that you don't have to worry about what needs to be done or what you "should" be doing. There is time to read, time to chill in the Corum, time to observe, time to enjoy just for the sake of enjoying it. Time to journal..... ;-) Sometimes I can't wait until the day when we find ourselves back in Eden...living life in the fullness of our new bodies and in the overwhelming light of the Father's amazing love... One day we will see face to face... :-)

But all that to say that I'm loving life right now. It has its ups and downs (last night being one such "down" -- I worked on a paper all night until about 3am..blah) and I have my fits of mood swings and attitudes, but overall I really couldn't be more content or feel any more blessed. :-)

It was Global Opportunities Week here at Cornerstone this week, and that has really got me thinking about some things, particularly about my future and the call that I have felt on my life since my senior year of high school to serve Christ overseas. I've had a wide mix of feelings and thoughts on that subject throughout the week, but most of them have centered around my anxiousness about the whole thing. It's not that I've started doubting my passion for serving overseas or knowing God's calling to this area, but it's just been a general vague feeling of being overwhelmed...of not knowing where to start...when to start....what I should be doing to prepare to start... And I guess just a general fear that this will all turn out to be another dream (if there's one thing I know about myself, it's that's I am a dreamer, an idealist, and a romantic; I'm one of the best "brainstormers" you'll ever meet, but I struggle on the practical end of things many times...) and never something I will actually take hold of and take initiative in to actually make happen. And I don't want that. I don't want my dream to serve to end up being an empty wish. I struggle believing whether I trust myself to follow through; maybe that's what it boils down to. I never want to become "comfortable" with being "comfortable;" that is one of my greatest fears.

So for now I'm praying, I'm examining myself, and I'm trusting Him to complete His work in me until it is accomplished. I know that as long as my desire is to please and glorify my Father, He will do in me and use me the way He intends. It hasn't been a week of worry or stress in this sense, it's just been in the back of my mind... and it's been good. It's been a good week. :-)

humbled

2008-09-27T19:54:00.000-07:00

I know I've probably told most people by now, but earlier this week (specifically, on Thursday, September 25th, at approximately 12:38pm) God just showered me with His blessing. I am so humbled.

It happened on Thursday afternoon. Breana and I had just gotten out of Linguistics class, and we were walking to the Student Union to kill 20 minutes before I had to run off to work and she had class, and since I hadn't checked my mail in a day or two, I decided to stop by real quick to see if anything had come in. I opened my box quickly, only half glancing inside, completely expecting not to find anything, but there were three envelopes inside. For a second, I got real excited until I flipped them over and noticed they looked like bills. Awesome. In a gesture of disappointed disgust, I shoved them into my backpack and walked the rest of the way to the lounge area with Bre.

When we got there we found a seat to put our stuff on, and as she walked over to the coffee place to get a drink, I grabbed my mail and followed her over, flipping through the envelopes. One was a checking account statement from my bank, the other one was some letter from the bank that handles my school loans, and the third was from Cornerstone....which was kinda weird...because I wasn't expecting anything from them. Curious, I opened it up while I waited and pulled out a statement listing all of my scholarships and my balance for the rest of the semester. No big deal, I had received several of these. My eyes skimmed over it, and I almost tossed it in the trash until a thought struck me: why would they send me another one of these statements unless something had changed? I immediately got anxious and frantically skimmed the page, trying to figure out what was missing or what was different.

And then I saw it.

Hidden in the middle of the list were these three words:

Men's Soccer Scholarship -- $1,500

I almost choked. When Bre looked over to see what was wrong, all I could do was hand her the letter and stand there, eyes wide and mouth open. Doubtless I was drooling some too. I didn't care.

For those of you who missed the hype, I've been praying hard for about a month now about my financial situation here at Cornerstone. Basically, with my sister in school too now, my parents have been unable to help me out financially as much as they have in the past, and with a car and a cell phone now, my expenditures have gone up a little as well, and the bottom line is that I didn't know how I'd make ends meet this semester without making some drastic changes or taking out more loans (as a VERY last resort..). I had talked to my coach about it in May, and he had promised to help me out (I've played soccer for Cornerstone for 2 years now, done everything coach has ever asked me to, and haven't received anything. And that's been ok...until now.), but a week after school started he told me he couldn't. I was devastated and confused. It would mean I would have to quit soccer to look for a job, and I had already been through pre-season; I had put in too much for that now.

So I prayed. Hard.

A week later I went to our Athletic Director asking if there was anything he could do to help me. He gave me a speech about how it was bad timing since school had already started and that he didn't think he'd be able to do much, but that he'd try. I left heavy hearted. A week later I checked back in with him and he said he hadn't gotten around to anything yet and that he'd let me know if anything changed. Two more weeks passed without any word, and I was just talking about quitting, like I should have done a month ago, so I'd be able to pay my next bill.

I thought about finally quitting on Tuesday. On Wednesday the varsity team had a game and every single eligible defender got to dress except for me. I was down to my last emotional thread. And then on Thursday, September 25th, at 12:38pm, He lifted me out of the pit. Just like that. And I have been so humbled.... He is mighty to save, and with His right arm He protects His children. My broken cup overflows....

PRAISE THE LORD!

some scattered thoughts...

2008-09-17T19:35:00.001-07:00

Where does all the time go? I am now 2 full years into my college experience, and I am fully convinced that time does indeed speed up sometime after the summer of your graduating year of high school, ha! The days just aren't as long anymore... Well....except for Mondays. ;-)

Another thing that I have realized that is quite sad is that in all of my business, it seems that I have nothing exciting to write about. Which, besides being disappointing for you (as the reader), I'm sure, it was also very depressing for me when I realized it, oh...about 5 minutes ago. A whole week has gone by and I have no deep thoughts, no inspiring moments, no introspective, life-changing ideas to share?? What kind of sad existence is that??? What is the point if I am not growing, serving, being challenged, and learning new things? Unfortunately, I believe I have fallen into some small slump of "Comfortability" recently. Not that life has been easy or boring for me over the last 2 weeks, by any means at all (in fact, it has been quite the opposite: busy, stressful, and most tiring, although it has also definitely had its ups), but it's more that I feel like I have fallen into a life of routines recently, which greatly saddens me and has left me feeling somewhat restless. I need a new challenge. Which I think is a good thing, for the most part. You need to feel that way every once in a while; it's healthy.

The problem is, I don't exactly know how to fix it. Initially I thought that if I sought out some more ways to become involved in my immediate communities, that would provide some more opportunities for growth. So I started attending a 6am men's prayer group from my church on Wednesday mornings, I signed up to work in the nursery at church every other Sunday or so, and soon I will be joining another church Bible study/prayer group. And I already lead a small group at school, work 15 hours a week, have classes, and am on the men's soccer team. Makes me tired just thinking about it!

But it's only been tonight that I just started wondering if maybe greater involvement isn't necessarily the key to this growth and change of pace and fullness of life that I so desperately crave right now. Something deep down inside seems to be whispering that adding more things to an already crammed to-do list probably isn't going to give me the relief and fulfillment that I'm looking for, even if I am doing them with a pure heart and an honest desire to serve and love and grow...

So where does that leave me? I don't know. I honestly just worked all this out in my head right now. And maybe that in itself all I need to add to my hectic schedule: some time set aside every day for reflection and prayer and goal-setting. I already have a time set aside in the morning for a devotional and some prayer, but maybe the key to making sense of everything is just adding in some extra time to be still? I guess it can never hurt to try... :-)

Starry Nights

2008-09-10T11:02:00.000-07:00

Here's another poem I wrote this week, this time for my creative writing class. It's really nothing deep, just a picture of a memory... When I lived in Spain I used to love to take walks at night on this dirt road through the wheat fields behind our house. It was so peaceful, and we were out in the country, so you could see all the stars....one of my favorite memories from my childhood... :-)

I remember those nights,

Those clear, starry nights,

Walking down the long dirt road

That wanders through infinite fields of grain

Behind our house.

Heat would rise from the rocks beneath my feet

In shudders, now released

Into the soft, cool breeze

That washes over the gentle hills,

Soothing the earth,

Laying all to rest,

Swirling, brushing my face

With a whisper.

My eyes gaze up;

You are never alone with the stars.

Hands, extended, brush meek heads of harvest

On either side of the road,

As tall, slender shafts

Sway, bowing low,

Now dancing for the starry hosts above,

Wild waves swelling,

Rushing over ripened fields,

Singing to the rhythmic pulse

Of a grand insectile symphony.

the gift of sight

2008-09-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

It's Friday again. Everyone take a deep breath; we made it. :-) God is good, the sun is still shining (even if it has been behind the clouds for the last few days...), the birds are still singing, and we have been given another beautiful day of life. What a blessing!

Sometimes it's so easy to get sucked into the little things.... I am constantly praying that God would just open my eyes and make me into a man who always sees the big picture, no matter what the circumstances. It makes me think of that story in 2 Kings where Elisha's servant wakes up one morning only to discover that the whole city is surrounded by a foreign army and he wakes up Elisha scared to death, but Elisha tells him not to worry, and is like, "there are more on our side than on theirs!" Whenever I read that story, I can just picture the two of them -- a frightened young boy and a wise old man -- up on the high walls of the city, looking out over a terrible force encamed around them, with the morning sun peaking over the hills, setting the sky ablaze, and then Elisha prays, "Oh Lord, open his eyes!" And immediately the boy sees the vast, fiery army of God surrounding their enemies.... That's how I want to be.

I want to see.

2008-08-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

August 1st? Is that really the last time I was on here?? Dang.... Ha. Life has just been so busy lately; we're already done with our first week of school! Crazy...

Where to start? So much has happened since August 1st! Our trip to Montana with the soccer team was absolutely nuts, but SUCH a cool experience and such good times. I'll never forget that trip. Ha, 35+ hours straight on a bus will do that to you. ;-) But it was good -- our team is so different this year from anything it has ever been in the past -- namely, unified, ha. There's just a good vibe this year... People can actually talk to each other, the cliques have disappeared, and guys are just honest and willing to work and learn; I can actually say that I'm proud to be a part of our team this year. And we're 2-0 so far. ;-)

Then we had 2 weeks of preseason, which was fairly brutal, but actually wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. It was just SO time-consuming, and every minute you weren't on the field, you were just SO tired... But we made it. For the last 3 days of preseason, though, I had to be excused because I had training for my leadership position this year. That went well, but again, I was in class for almost 10 hours every day, and it was pretty brutal -- in a very different way. But the training was very helpful, and I'm glad I took the time to do it.

Then, my friends....school started. Haha. But so far classes have gone well. I am actually pretty excited about my Diverse Populations class, my 20th Century British Literature class (particularly because my professor is an brilliant and amazing man), and my Creative Writing class (despite the fact that this professor has been somewhat monotone and dull in his teaching). It'll be an interesting year, I think, as far as classes go.

And then there's my social life, ha. There's too much for me to go into detail about the last month, almost, but I'll give you some highlights. First of all, I moved in with my 3 roommmates (Darren, Jordan, and Caleb) this month, and so far that has been awesome. It's a good group, and we get along well. We're actually still in the process of arranging furniture and unpacking and all...it's getting there. Secondly, I am in a different dorm this year, so that has brought up some new issues (such as a new 10 minute commute to the middle of campus), but I'm living with a lot of the same guys as I was in Quincer, so that's been sweet. "It's not about where you are, but who you're with..." That's a good one. :-)

Last of all, there are a couple of things I could use prayer for, specifically, if you think about it... First of all, a new issue has just come up in the last few days about my financial situation (namely, I might not be getting a scholarship that I had been counting on -- I'll know by Wednesday), and it might mean that I would need to quit the soccer team for this semester to look for more work... And that's just a real burden right now -- this is the first year that I'm excited to be a part of this team, and I've already put so much time and work into this season that I would hate to throw it away.... But I've put that in God's hands, and I trust that He knows what's best. Pray that I would get this scholarship, if it's God's will, and if not, that He would provide another way. But especially pray that God would give me the faith and joy I need to not let worry consume me, and that in all things I would seek His kingdom first.

Secondly, just pray that I would have wisdom in my leadership position this year. As part of my position, I'm supposed to lead a small group, and I'm still trying to decide what we'll study and how we'll run that, so I could definitely use the direction and wisdom of the Holy Spirit in the next few weeks as I establish those routines and get to know the guys in my group.

And finally, please pray that I would keep my focus this semester. It's so easy to get lost in the business and excuses and social life and studies during the year, and I just really need Jesus right now. Pray that I would keep the big picture in mind always, and that I wouldn't allow the daily details to clutter my mind. Pray that God would give me peace. Pray that God would give me wisdom in my relationships. Pray that I would be aware of His love and that I would live it out every day in all that I do.

Anyway, sorry this letter is a little more newsie and less contemplative and interesting than usual, but I promise to make a better effort at keeping this up-to-date and posting cool things and deep thoughts and all in the future. Hopefully things will settle down a bit after this week. (But of course we know that probably won't happen... ha) Thanks for caring and for all your prayers! :-)

Love,
Aaron

2008-08-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

The time has come. Tomorrow marks the end of my summer at camp and the transition back to school. By 10pm tomorrow night I'll be on a bus with 43 of my CU soccer teammates headed out to Montana for a week of pre-season training and "team-get-to-know-you" time. I'm looking forward to it. I haven't had the most awesome experience on this team over the last 2 years, but now I'm finally at a place where I have some good friends on the team, I actually feel competent and confident on the field, I might even be getting some scholarship this year, and I'm actually starting to look forward to this season. It's a good feeling. :-)

And also I'm in shape this year -- BEFORE pre-season. haha. Which is a HUGE step for me; I think this is the first summer ever that I have actually made it a point to exercise hard regularly, and stuck to it, and it's paid off. Although coach has said this is going to be the hardest pre-season he's ever put together... So the other day a friend and I were talking and I told him, "You know that if you don't do anything over the summer, you're going to die during pre-season, but you also know that even if you work your butt off this summer, you're still going to die during pre-season." haha. Doesn't really offer that much incentive to work, huh? ;-)

And just in general I'm coming into this year with some big changes in my life: my sister Lynnette is here, I'll be living in the apartments for the first time, I'll be a DC, I'm getting a new job, I'm starting my junior year, (which I hear is pretty rough), one of my best friends is leaving for 6 months, and my family will be here for the whole spring.

To be completely honest, I'm pretty scared about this year. I think it has the potential to be one of the best years of my life, but I feel like it could just as easily be pretty miserable. There are a lot of unknowns...

But if there's one thing God has taught me this summer, it is how awesome of a loving Father he is, and how much he wants us not to worry about these things. Philippians 4:6-7 has, in many ways, become my "theme" verse for the summer... I've read it so many times over the last 3 months, that I know it from memory now: "Do not worry about anything. Instead, pray about everything. Then the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." What an amazing promise. I've clung to that this summer so many times, and every time I start to worry, I pray that promise.

And actually, the next two verses after that -- the ones about "whatever is pure, whatever is noble...think about such things" is in the context of this last verse! I've always put the "whatever is pure" verse in the context of lust and entertainment, mainly, but God has come to show me this summer that obsessing and worrying about the future is just as sinful a mentality and lifestyle as entertaining lustful thoughts, for example. And I've come to see that it's something that I struggle with hardcore. But God is so faithful, and I can honestly say that every time I have turned to him, confessed my thoughts, and asked for his peace, he has given me all that I need and more. Praise the Lord!! :-)

~~~

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for you are with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever!"

Kids these days... :-D

2008-07-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

So this summer, having the youngest kids at camp, I thought it would be sweet to make a collection of all the funny things my campers said. Sad to say, I think I only managed to jot down about half of all the great things that came out of their crazy little orifices, but I did manage to preserve a sampling...

In the words of Jack Handey, "The face of a child can say it all... Especially the mouth part of the face."

Please enjoy. ;-)

KID 1: “Hey, everybody pick a power, ok? Like, electric, rock, fire…”
KID 2: “Ok!! I pick lasers!!!”
KID 1: “No, you can’t pick lasers -- that’s a superpower!”

ME: “You know my favorite Shrek character? I like Puss in Boots!”
KID: “Yeah! I loved the part where he made the 4 on the tree!!”
KID2: “It wasn’t a 4; it was a P!”
KID: “Nuh-uh!!! Why would he draw a P??”

(After going around the room on the first day of camp and saying everyone's name...) KID: “I think we should name our floor…”
ME: “That’s a BRILLIANT idea! What should we name it??
KID2: “Ummmmmm, darth vader!!”
KID3: “How about Steve?”
ME: "Hahaha, STEVE! That's amazing!! Yes, that will be his name."
KID4: “Haha, oh Steve, you’re so dirty!!” (This came out of the mouth of a 7 year old...)

KID: “Ummm, where is Spiderman from anyway?”
KID2: “Isn’t he from New York?”
KID: “No, I thought he was from Ohio…”

ME: “So today our theme is ‘having a pure heart.’ Who can tell me what purity means?”
One small hand shoots up in the air on the front row, and I call on him, when he suddenly hesitates and responds: “Wait…puberty??”

KID (dragging another very confused kid to me by the hand and shouting and pointing excitedly): “Hey!! Counselor!! He’s a Mexican!!!”

KID (Screaming bloody murder): “AARON!!!!!!!!! JONNY'S THROWING SPIDERS AT ME!!!!!"

KID: “Aaron, guess what?? I’m already an uncle – I had a grandson three weeks ago!”

KID (After trying to compromise with me for an hour about being able to stay up on the first night of camp...): "Well, how about this? Tonight can we stay up until we fall asleep?” To which I smiled inwardly and gladly replied, "Ummmmmmmmm, yes."

KID: “Aaron!!! Jakob’s growling at me for no reason!!”

KID: “Aaron, if you don’t come back next year, I’m gonna spam your computer!!” (This came from an 11 year old... I couldn't help but wonder if this was the new generation's way of bullying??? Instead of "Give me your milk money or I'll sock you in the face," it must be something akin to "Let me play your PSP or I'll spam your e-mail account!!" Curious...)

Yes, it was a very adventuresome summer indeed. ;-D

when the truth will offend...

2008-07-19T20:40:00.000-07:00

I was reading this book, Sacred Rhythms by Ruth Barton, today, and the chapter on confession brought to mind another issue that I've been struggling through for the longest time -- probably since last October... And that is this: the line between being open and honest with people while still observing social unspoken laws of appropriateness.

I don't know if that made any sense to you, though, so I'll try again. See, there is a small part of me (especially as a Christian) that believes that it is critical to be open and honest with people. Always. That if you are offended by someone's actions, or if you were blessed by someone, or if you have suggestions for improvement, or if you just can't stand someone's particular mannerisms, that you should tell them -- delicately and lovingly and as encouragingly as possible, but that you should still tell them. How can we expect to function efficiently as a body if we hold back our thoughts and feelings? (I'm preaching to myself here - I think I am the worst person in the world at this.) I feel like so often SO many of us are holding our negative (and positive!) opinions to ourselves, and if we don't like something or someone, we just stay away. And probably gossip about it some, none of which actually helps to solve any problems. And when I look at Jesus, it doesn't seem like he lived like that at all -- he was constantly telling the disciples that their faith was too small and the pharisees that their religion was empty and worthless and that Judas was a devil and that he was the King of the Jews -- and he never even tried to make it sound remotely nice or encouraging or uplifting. Or is that not what "telling the truth in love" means? He was just blunt. It seems like he kept nothing a secret. ....or did he?

Because then there's the other side of the coin. The side that says to live at peace with each other as much as it depends on you. And even though I feel like I should be more open with people, I always talk myself out of it when it comes right down to it, because, well, I guess it feels more safe to err on this side. And I'm ashamed to say it, but I'm scared to death of taking risks. Especially when it comes to relationships. Relationships are everything to me, and I can't stand risking even one over a stupid opinion of mine that, 1) is probably based out of selfish motives and therefore invalid, and 2) that I could have just as easily kept to myself, swallowed my pride and selfishness, and moved on. It's been years since I've seen Bambi, but I still remember that line from Thumper: "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." And I've always thought that was a brilliant rule to live by. I just always said nice things and kept the bad things to myself. And it worked like a charm. Until recently. Because now I see that relationships must be founded on openness and honesty or they'll never go very far. But I still feel like "Thumper's Rule" holds truth as well -- why should we be saying things that are not nice to each other? Shouldn't all of our talk be wholesome and edifying for each other? Shouldn't everything we say serve to build each other up? And so if you KNOW that someone will react defensively and will most likely be offended by even a kind bit of constructive criticism, should you still tell them, or no?

Because sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes there is simply no nice way to put it. And that's coming from an idealist at heart -- a year ago I would have told you that there is always a nice way to put anything. That offense is mainly given, not taken. (Which is a whole other debate.) I don't know that I believe that anymore. In fact, I think that now I'd say the opposite. So then what?

Where's the line? If the truth will hurt someone, should you still tell them? Does it just depend? I think THOSE are the main 2 questions I'm trying to ask. Should we always be honest, or is there "a time for everything under the sun" -- including secret opinions about people? It's all very confusing to me, and I hate thinking about it, to be honest -- mostly because I don't have any answers and I always end up going in the same circles. It would make for a good conversation, though. I'm always ready for a good conversation. :-)

deep thoughts?

2008-07-14T20:18:00.000-07:00

I believe that I am in the beginning stages of developing a theory on life -- particularly communication. This is something that has constantly been on my mind since this last April or May. I'm sure this idea is most likely not original with me, but it's something that I came up with on my own and have been refining and testing for the last few months.

And here is my idea: that perhaps even as high as up to 90% of all interpersonal interaction between people is based off of some sort of misunderstanding or inaccurate, premature judgments made without all the necessary information.

And I don't even know if that's a good way to sum it up. I'm working on it. But here's the thought: that MOST of the time, most interaction and communication between people leads to judgments being made about the other person. Judgments about their attitude, their personality, their intentions, their sincerity, their respectability, their trustworthiness... the list goes on. And on. Because like Don Miller so brilliantly pointed out, we humans are obsessed with comparing ourselves to one another. Just look at fashion, trends, peer pressure, competition (the whole point of sports is to compare two sides to see which is better) -- EVERYTHING we do and say is wrapped around this idea that every person wants to be accepted and loved, and the way we gauge that is through comparison -- if I'm better than he/she, more people will like me.

Anyway, I just take that a step farther, because one day it hit me -- if everyone's trying so hard to be accepted, how come some people come across as or are known as jerks/awkward/nerds/crazy/over-the-top/attention-seekers/etc, etc? If everyone is acting in the way that they think will bring them the most love and acceptance, why does it not seem that way? And I concluded that it's because of misunderstandings and premature judgments.

Because I truly believe that everyone is looking for acceptance and love above and beyond anything else. Whether they'll admit to it or not.

But if I perceive my humor to be funny, but someone else finds it offensive, that's a type of misunderstanding, right? Because the intent was to humor -- to bring positive attention and a feeling of acceptance. Or if I perceive my happy-go-lucky personality to be uplifting and encouraging, but someone else sees it as inauthentic and an attempt to hide my true self, then there is another misunderstanding. And it seems dumb, but this is how we end up with enemies so often! We see someone's actions or hear their words and make subconscious (or conscious!) judgments about their intents, and end up with a premature opinion of them that was lower than what the first person wanted you to have.

This happens in communication all the time too -- if you pass an acquaintance in the hall and say Hi, but they don't reply, you might take offense, pass them up as being self-centered, arrogant, or rude, when really they may simply be in shock because they just lost their job or because of a phone call saying a close family member was sick. And yet because of that, you don't speak to them next time, then they think you hate them for no reason, so they return the favor, and now you both hate each other for an absurd reason. And then when you add gossip on top of that -- "I never knew ______ was so rude! Yesterday when I passed him, he..."

I think I understand more now why God is so big on cutting out gossip, slander, controlling the tongue, and loving people -- only God knows the heart. People just want to be accepted. They want to be loved. And sometimes they're immature in how they go about seeking it, but we've all been there, and if we know what people truly want, then it transforms the way we view their actions -- the sarcastic people are sarcastic, not because they're filled with bitterness and anger, but because they maybe want to stand out -- and the nerds are nerds, not because they actually believe that dragons and magic are real, but maybe because it's their escape from a cruel world that won't give them a second chance -- and the happy-go-lucky people are happy, not necessarily because they're wearing a mask, but maybe because they figure being happy and loving is the best way to get others to love you back -- and the show offs show off, not because they honestly think they're all that great, but maybe because they've believed the lie that you are the sum of what you do, and so if you cannot perform and impress, then you are nothing. And it goes on.

So next time you have a negative thought about someone, or next time someone rubs you the wrong way, think about that. And try to approach that situation and figure that person out STARTING with the assumption that they DESPERATELY want to be accepted, they desperately need unconditional love, and whether they admit it or not, they need you. That the intention in their action was to preserve peace -- not make an enemy. Why do we always assume the negative first? Give people the benefit of the doubt... Trust. Forgive. Move on. Nothing in life is a coincidence if life rests in the hands of a sovereign God -- you had the experience you had with that person for a reason -- the only responsibility that you have is what you'll do with it and how you will chose to respond.

You know the rest.

It all comes back to love...

2008-07-12T21:18:00.001-07:00

To be known fully... and to be loved anyway. I truly believe that is every person's deepest desire -- whether they're fully aware of it or not.

I don't know why, but that phrase has just kept coming back to me all day today... To be known fully, and to be loved anyway... And then there's the converse for us as Christians -- to love wholly and unconditionally, no matter how much you know someone.

...such simple phrases, and yet such deep, hard, and often such stressful truths.... But it all comes back to love.

"Clean"

2008-07-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

Hot water falls gently,
Cascading on my face,
One fleeting moment now preserved,
Lost in inner space.
Steam, in swirls, rises,
As rushing water fills my mind,
And a thousand droplets drizzle
Down, leaving lazy trails behind.
Down, Down, Down,
And all is washed away,
As tired bones and anxious thoughts
All softly, slowly fade...

I love showers... ;-)

South and Back

2008-07-07T13:43:00.000-07:00

What a great weekend! :-) This last Thursday, Lynnette and I left GR early to head down to Beersheba Springs, Tennessee (between Nashville and Knoxville) for a "family" reunion. We actually took 2 days to get down there so we could visit our other grandparents on the way down, so we were actually in TN from Friday morning through Sunday morning, and it was SO good.

Strange as it may sound, the reunion was actually my dad's high school reunion. My dad grew up in Brazil and attended a really small boarding school there, and for as long as I can remember (with a few exceptions) every 2 years the alumni and their families have met at Beersheba Springs Methodist Conference Center in central Tennessee for this reunion. A lot of the people there are family -- all my aunts and uncles and cousins on my dad's side come, but everyone else are close family friends -- people my dad grew up with and whose kids are just as close to me as siblings or cousins. It was totally worth the $150 and 14 hour drive see everybody, even if only for 2 days. :-)

The conference center itself is a really neat place -- on the top of a mountain in the Appalachians, with dormitories, a gym, and a cafeteria and a beautiful lookout over the valley. It was so refreshing to be in the mountains again... It's been over 4 years since I was in the Appalachians last... Too long. For some reason it always just feels like home...

My favorite part about being there, though, besides seeing everyone, are the intense, traditional soccer and volleyball games. All these people grew up in Brazil, and so we always have several good soccer games (I think we played 4 games in 2 days. lol), and I don't know how volleyball got started, but that's pretty intense as well... SO much fun! :-D And then there are the simple things -- staying up all night with all the kids on the last night, the good talks at the lookout with people, the ABUNDANCE of sweet tea, the southern cooking, the traditional 4 square championship, and swimming at the swimming hole in the freezing creek on the side of the mountain. Good times...

It's just good to get away sometimes, and I think I really needed that. It made me thankful. But I've always known that I was thankful....but this weekend I FELT thankful...and there was so much peace... My family is SO amazing, and God has been SO faithful. And the more I've thought about it this weekend, the more I've come to see how fundamental gratitude is to living a Christ-like life. It all starts and ends with a thankful heart. If we aren't thankful, or can't find it in us to be thankful, our attitudes are already in the wrong place, and how can God's love shine through us then? So I've started taking a few minutes at the beginning of every day now, just sitting and thinking of all the ways I've been blessed and just being thankful. God is so good! And I can't think of a better way to start my day... :-)

To: Dad

2008-07-01T20:55:00.001-07:00

This week I've got eleven 6 and 7 year olds, and let's just say they have a rough time settling down and going to sleep at night. It's a routine that regularly takes me about 3 and a half hours, ha. Anyway, tonight I thought I'd do something different, and instead of talking over them to try to get them to be quiet, I just sat in a chair in the corner of the room and sang quietly. They were out in 30 minutes. :-) I sang songs that I haven't heard in probably over 10 years... Songs dad used to sing to us when he was tucking us in at night when we were little...

I love this song:

Jesus, Jesus,
There's just something about that name...
Jesus, Jesus,
All of heaven and earth proclaim.
Kings and kingdoms will all pass away,
But there's something about that name...

My dad used to sing that one to us. Along with songs like "The Old Rugged Cross," and "God Answers Prayer," and "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." Those were the days.... Laying in the bottom bunk in my pajamas after a hot bath, in the room I shared with my sister, after having listened to dad read a chapter from The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, and just listening to dad sing softly to us as we fell asleep. And I still remember those songs.....after over 10 years...

And after singing those songs tonight, I came to 2 conclusions: 1) that my dad is the greatest man that I've ever known, and 2) that one day I hope I can sing those same songs to my kids. And if I can be half as good a dad one day as my dad has been over the last 20 years, then I'll consider myself one of the most blessed men alive.

Was Jesus ever confused??

2008-06-26T20:07:00.000-07:00

A unique thought occurred to me today while I was taking a shower.... (Which, by the way, is one of the best places to go if you need to think -- second only to the toilet, IMHO...) Anyway, I was thinking about something I had talked to one of my campers about earlier today, about God being able to sympathize with us in every situation because he was here. He was human. But then this thought just kinda jumped at me: Has God ever experienced confusion? ......Was Jesus ever confused? Because that's definitely not the picture you get of Jesus from reading the gospels -- even though people sometimes had a hard time understanding his motives or reasoning for things he did (like when he decided to wait before visiting Lazarus when he knew he was sick), he always had motives. He always knew exactly what he was doing. ....Or did he?

I don't know why this stuck with me, but it just made me curious. I don't know if you know the song "I have been there" by Mark Schultz (it's a good song), but this made me think of that. When we're confused and we call out to God out of the depths of our confusion, does he understand that?

Which makes me think even more, because when you get down to it, what is confusion? Isn't it the inability to discern between the right path and the wrong path? Or at least usually we use it in that context.... But weren't we given the ability to discern between right and wrong when Adam and Eve ate the fruit in the garden?

Some good questions... And I'm afraid I don't have answers... Just more confusion, ha. :-) Maybe I need to take another shower??? ;-)

confessions of a camp counselor

2008-06-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

3:24 pm. 6 minutes left of break before the kids come back. Haha, oh the life of a camp counselor. ;-)

But it's been good this week. Music camp is the longest camp of all, lasting 7 days instead of the usual 4, so it can get pretty tiring, but so far I haven't run into any major problems, and for that I'm thankful. This week I'm in charge of ten 8 and 9 year old boys, and last night, while I was trying to get everyone settled in their beds and quiet for story time/devotions before bed (and I was quite obviously a little frustrated and tired by the end of the day), one little black kid raised his hand, and said, "Is it hard taking care of kids?" Hahaha, I about lost it! God is so good. :-)

So you can be praying for me and my kids this week. And all summer, really, but especially this week. Pray that even though they are young, that God would speak to each of them here at camp somehow, and that if nothing else, that each one would leave here knowing that they were loved this week. And pray for strength for me to be patient and loving, and just ask that God would give me the wisdom I need to handle this group and that He would use me -- in all of my imperfection -- to serve and love with the courage and the humble attitude of Jesus. God knows I need it. :-)

3:34 pm. Time to supervise the fishing dock! Peace!!

p.s. -- I'll have to post later all the funny things that my kids said this week... I've been writing them down, ha!

2008-06-17T17:00:00.001-07:00

I love this song...

Hush now, my sweet little noisy boy,
There's trouble enough in the world.
Pick up your feet little lazy boy;
Come dance with your little girl.

Swing me 'round this kitchen floor
Like a carnival,
Toubadour.
I know that we're only two-bit clowns
In a one-ring circus.

But make me a little bit dizzy, boy;
Swing me on your trapeze.
When I'm in the arms of my dreamy boy,
It still makes me weak in the knees.

Right here on this record player
Is our scratchy song,
We're alone.
Slide trombones like an orchestra
Full of fortune tellers.

Come now, my sweet little breathing boy;
I'm listening hard to your heart.
It's as strong as a lion's, boy,
Let's leave here and make a new start.

I remember once you said,
Lying in this bed,
"The past is dead;"
Everyday is a one-act play
Without an ending...

- "Hush Now" by Over the Rhine

Over the Rhine is a folk/rock music band by a couple from Ohio. The husband plays guitar, bass, and piano, and his wife sings. I'm not sure if they're believers, but their story and their lyrics sure suggest it. This song was actually written a couple of years ago when they were going through a rough time in their marriage, and the album, Drunkard's Prayer, actually chronicles part of that story, and how they went from frustration and mistrust to rediscovering each other and their love. I just think it speaks such a powerful message of redemption into a broken world...

peace like a river...

2008-06-16T19:54:00.000-07:00

I've told myself countless times that I will not post on here if I am either feeling tired or it is late (as in past 11pm). But here I go again -- breaking the rules. It always happens this way, no matter what I tell myself. I think mainly because at the end of the day when you're winding down, all the thoughts and emotions from the whole day just start whirling through your head, and so there's quite a lot to write about. Of course, the downside is that usually by that time I am already quite tired, emotionally unstable, and prone to write things I will immediately regret in the morning. Ha. Which is why none of this is very deep so far. ;-)

Anyway, I thought I'd change it up some and give you the top three things that I've been thinking about today:

1) "We definitely live in a world of misunderstandings."
- I wrote about this some last time, but it's become more and more and MORE clear to me over the last week or so. We are SO quick to judge each other and jump to conclusions!! And I know that I'm just as guilty as anyone else out there (and it makes me sick!), but seriously! I think maybe I've noticed it more this week just because I've had my eyes open for it more, but I can't even COUNT all the times this week that I've heard people make premature judgments about others, or that I've witnessed misunderstandings, or that I've caused misunderstandings. It really, honestly makes me sick when I think about it. Which is why I'm moving on to point 2 before I get carried away...

2) "I like working maintenance. Some."
- So this week I don't have campers. It's an all girls camp, so the male staff members are working maintenance instead this week. I don't think I could work a job like maintenance forever, but it always feels so good to me to get my hands dirty! Ha. I know it's cliche, but it's so true! I haven't decided if that's just a guy thing or if it's an everyone thing, but I love it. Maybe it's because physical labor actually has immediate, apparent results, and you can SEE that you've done something and accomplished something in a day's work. I don't know. I just thank God for the ability to use my body to do physical work... I don't think I thank him enough for that.

3) Now that I think about it, number three is more of a toughie. It's more of a blend of lots of different things going through my head, all connected somehow, but all unsorted and basically one big mess. Mostly about relationships... And I hate messes. I hate living with a mess. Some people can just ignore messes until later, but I can't. I've always kept a clean room and kept my things pretty organized, and if there was ever a mess in my room, I couldn't concentrate on doing my homework or reading or enjoy doing anything anywhere near my room until I got things cleaned up. I think that's also a disease, ha! But it's the way I've always been, and I think my thought-life is much the same. And when there's no mess, I couldn't be better, but when there's a mess, I can't think about anything else until it's resolved. ....gosh, I hate messes!

Well, there you have it -- the top 3. Or.....more like the top 2... lol. Whatever -- shut up. ;-) So yeah, today was one of those more messy days, for sure, but I know that my God is alive and that He is sitting on the throne -- all sovereign, all powerful, and EVERYTHING is under His feet! And I KNOW that all things work out for those who love God, and I'm clinging to that promise. God is good!! -- yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And that's enough for me. :-)

Peace!!

2008-06-08T20:57:00.001-07:00

It struck me today how true the saying is: "Actions speak louder than words." In fact, I'd venture to say that when it comes right down to it, words alone are absolutely meaningless -- they all depend on a context. Well, unless they are negative words... which is a whole different intriguing story of its own.

And it's a little frustrating, because I'd like to think of myself as being fairly talented when it comes to words, but I know that my actions do not always back up what I'm trying to communicate, which I'm sure confuses many people.

It makes me wonder if we all just live in a world of misunderstandings where the exception happens on the rare occasion that someone's actions and words actually do consistently line up. Except that Jesus' words and actions lined up perfectly and he was one of the most misunderstood men in all of history... Or maybe that's why we misunderstood him....?

It's all very curious... Or maybe it's just late?? ;-)

2008-06-04T20:29:00.000-07:00

So now that I have officially turned 20, I shall have to tell you what it's like... ;-D

First of all, I had the best birthday that anyone could have ever asked for! Thank you to all you who helped make it special. :-) It began at 12am with a bunch of the other camp staff bursting into my cabin and singing Happy Birthday and giving me a basket of surprises, including a rubber turtle, a matchbox Mustang car, bubbles, and......a gamecube. Yes, a gamecube. WITH Super Smash Brothers! haha. It's the first video game console that I've ever owned, so it was a sentimental moment.

And I have also never owned a rubber turtle.... ;-D

THEN, I had some meetings in the morning at camp, made a run to CU to check my mail (and got some cards and cash from the rents and the g'rents), hit up Best Buy with Rafael to buy him a laptop, came back to camp, changed, headed back to CU for dinner with Bre and Cynthia (which was AMAZING!! They made me the best homemade dinner, complete with green tea and jell-o cake, and then gave me a SWEET gift -- some snazzy shorts and a sweet polo, which magically make me sexy, ha! ;-D), then back to camp for some games, and ended the day watching the Spain vs. USA friendly soccer match that was on.... Couldn't have been a sweeter birthday! I think I can get used to this whole being 20 thing.... ;-D

Last Reflections of a Teenager ;-D

2008-06-03T19:37:00.000-07:00

I am currently approximately......1 hour, 18 minutes, and 16 seconds away from leaving my teenage years......forever.

Moment of silence, please.

Thank you. ;-)

Anyway, I don't know if I'm just still in denial or what, but so far I haven't experienced any "quarter life crisis" paralyzing shock, random choking, or suicidal thoughts, (like some have suggested will undoubtedly happen), so I'm thankful for that, ha. In fact, I'm very thankful just in general. Life couldn't be much better than it is now. And that's especially funny to me, because I realize that not even a week ago I wrote about being utterly confused and mixed up, but like I mentioned in my last post, God really hit me in a powerful way this weekend, and things clicked, and since then, I've felt almost surrealistically surrounded and guarded by the incomprehensible peace of God. Philippians 4:4-8 has spoken to me in SUCH a powerful way... :-)

1 hour, 7 minutes, 4 seconds to go.

As I look back at my teenage years, I'm simply amazed at how far I've come and how much has changed in my life... Spain, middle school, ECA soccer club, Michael Steffens, moving to Camarma, Georgian Bay trip, Daniel Perez, Andrew Chamberlain, Veracruz F.C., high school, Camarma F.C., World Cup 2002 (haha), Berea, KY, friends, trip out west, work in Columbia, SC, junior year, AYG, L'Arcada, Jacob Bock, JM, Jessie Doland, Corrie Bontrager, Senior year, Lara Meinke, Senior Trip, World Cup 2006, Joel Musser, Grand Rapids, MI, Blue Like Jazz, Cornerstone, Quincer, Ian Grotenhuis, adjustment, more friends, Crossroads Bible Church, change of major, Breana Brendsel, Little Pine Island camp and camp staff, Searching for God Knows What, my first cell phone (haha) RCE, Crossroads CG, Quincer 2007-08, Made Man, my first car, Little Pine Island II: The Sequel (haha), and....here I am. ;-) I couldn't have asked for anything better. And God has been there every step of the way, guiding, providing, teaching, disciplining, stretching, challenging me, loving me unconditionally, growing me into "all that Christ Jesus saved me for and wants me to be" (Phil. 3:12). What an awesome God I serve!!

46 minutes, 39 seconds left.

Over all these years I could not have asked for a more supportive family, for more caring friends, more encouraging mentors, or more amazing grace than was given to me. Maybe that's the reason why this moving forward thing is not a problem for me... I have seen the mighty hand of God at work in my life, in the good times and the bad, providing for and guiding me this whole way, and I am confident that He has SO much more in store for me. And "I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate ME from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus MY Lord" (Rom. 8:38-39)

And frankly, I'm stoked. :-D

And now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get off here and enjoy my last 32 minutes and 51 seconds of teenage life. See you on the flip side. ;-D peace!!

2008-06-01T20:26:00.000-07:00

Today I finally moved into my cabin that I'll have for the rest of the summer. In fact, I actually JUST finished moving in, and I'm sitting here on my bed now at 11:30pm, looking around the room, listening to music, and just feeling very satisfied. God is good. This week is staff orientation, then my sister gets here, and then camps start. My summer is about to officially begin. It's good. :-)

Other than that, I think God hit me up side the head with a 2x4 today. Or, as Rod would say, "God smoked me," ha. I don't even know if it was so much anything particular that was said in church, but some things just clicked for me this weekend and I felt SO convicted, and so desperately in need of Jesus. Part of it is just what I've been reading in Philippians 3 and 4 over the last 2 days. I can't even begin to describe what some of those verses have come to mean to me this weekend.

And then just today, I sat and talked with Josh Thayer this morning for an hour or so for the first time ever, and last night I talked with Dave Geroux for a good bit, and then I sat and had a good chat with Kyle Bos before church this morning, and it struck me what awesome men each of those guys are. I haven't talked with any of them for any more than a couple hours at the most, but already I look up to them, and today it just hit me how godly those guys are and where they have their priorities and how much I admire them for it, and how far I feel like I've fallen from that standard over the last semester. I've let so many other things come into my life and consume my time and my thoughts recently, and I need to get back to the source.

So that to say that I made a decision today in church that I'm going to start hanging out with some of those guys this summer. One thing I've realize recently is that I really need some strong godly men in my life. I can't say that I have any deep influences like that right now, but I want that to change. "As iron sharpens iron..." I'm excited. :-) It's time for a change.

2008-05-28T20:54:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling pretty mixed up.

Life is so complicated... it's so........messy. So fragile. Sometimes I just get overwhelmed...

And other times I think it's the most beautiful thing anyone could have ever thought of.

...like when I sit outside on a clear, quiet summer night and just look at the stars...... :-)

I think there's something in all of us that wishes things were perfect... that everything would be alright in the end... that we could be sure of ourselves for once, and we could find it in us to love someone else perfectly, and that we'd find joy, and that one day...........

.....one day we could sit back and smile and just be content.

2008-05-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

So I know it's been a while, and it feels like I need to update, but I'm not exactly sure what to say, ha. I don't have anything too deep on my mind, but I think that mainly recently I've just felt very thankful. My eyes have really been opened to see how much I have and how much God has blessed me. I have some of the most amazing friends in the world, a family who loves me incredibly, I am a part of a church that has grown me and stretched me, I attend a school which has blessed me and taught me in many ways, and all of my needs have been met. And also it is summer. ;-) God has blessed me so much, and my only hope is that the way I live every day makes Him proud to call me His son and reflects the love and hope and power of Christ, even if in the smallest way.

And for the longest time, that has been my prayer for everyone around me, too -- that they would know and experience the scope and depth of God's love for them in such a way that their only response could be wholehearted devotion to serving and loving one another and helping to break God's kingdom into their everyday situations. And that isn't easy. It takes sacrifice and denying our feelings for the sake of loving those we don't get along with, and it takes initiative and prayer and work.......but it works. :-) And it's what we're called to -- it's the whole reason for our existence -- to love God by loving His people -- our enemies, the outcasts, the popular, the poor AND the rich, the conservatives AND the liberals, those who have blessed us, and those who have only hurt us.

And so I just pray that thankfulness wouldn't stop at a prayer in my heart, but that it would spread contagiously to those around me by the way I live. And I realize that's easy to say and it's maybe a cliche thing to say as a Christian, but that's what's on my heart right now and I am SO thankful that God's grace has covered my mistakes and is new EVERY morning to strengthen my weaknesses and fill me again with an amazing understanding of God's love for me and the faith I need to trust that He has a perfect purpose through all of the confusion in my life now. Everything He does is wonderful, and I am confident that the work that He began in me will be carried through to completion on the day of His return. :-)

2008-05-15T19:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, here's a question: "If you could know what anybody was saying or thinking about you at any given time, would you want to know?"

It's something that I've always thought about, and I think that most people I've asked have immediately responded, "No!" So I don't know, maybe I'm just weird, but see, I've always wanted to know that!

I mean, I think a big part of that is the fact that I'm a peacemaker, a people-pleaser (to a fault, sometimes), and very anti-conflict, and so I thrive on knowing what other people think of me. Which is usually an unhealthy thing, I take it, but it's true! My worst fear is that of being disliked or ostracized, I can't stand the thought of social rejection, and I absolutely die inside at the thought that someone might seriously hate me! Maybe that sounds sad or pathetic, but it's true -- I don't know what else to say...

But I know what you're thinking: "Wait, so if you can't stand the thought of people hating you, why would you want to know what everyone thinks of you? You're undoubtedly going to figure out that some people think you're arrogant or a jerk or insensitive or stupid or annoying." But see, that's the thing: because I can't stand conflict, I don't have any enemies that I know of. Now, there are people I don't care to be around much, but I don't know of anyone whom I simply can't stand. And I'm not trying to brag; I'm just trying to make a point. Because I can't help but wonder if there are people out there who can't stand to be around me. And if there are, then why? What can I do better? How have I hurt that person? How can I make amends? I'm a people-pleaser -- I just want everyone to be happy (ha, sounds funny, but it's SO true) -- and so if there are people out there who hate me, I crave to know why and what I can do about it. That's why I want to know what people think about me.

But if you can't relate to that or it just doesn't sound like you, then think about this: have you ever been talking with someone, and they suddenly tell you something along the lines of, "Some friends and I were talking about you the other day and we all agreed that you were __(fill in the blank)__." Has that ever happened to you? And then did you ever just not hear the rest of what that person was saying simply because you were dying to know why he or she was talking about you and what all else they said about you? Or have you ever met someone you've never seen before, but they know someone you know and they say, "Oh yeah, so-and-so has told me all about you!"?

Think about it. See, I think that most people are surprised by the idea that they come up in other people's conversations when they're not around. But it happens ALL the time!! When was the last time that you talked to a friend or family member about someone else?? I bet you can remember exactly when the last time was and who you were talking about and what you said, even, because it happens to all of us ALL the time. Watch yourself one day and count how many times you talk about someone else when they're not around. And then think about how many times you must come up in other people's conversations DAILY, that you don't even know about! Don't tell me that you're not curious by now. haha. You want to know. ;-) lol.

Anyway, I don't even think I was going anywhere with that, and I'm not entirely sure why I wrote it all down, but I guess it's just been on my mind. It's an interesting question. :-)

Things I Need To Do Before I Die

2008-05-08T20:19:00.000-07:00

This is a similar list to the last one, but this one is actually personal. I know the list is a little.....ambitious?? Maybe? Ha. But I like to think of them as dreams. :-)

::sigh:: .....in a perfect world....

1) Visit all 50 states.
2) Visit the U.K., Brazil, Cuba, and Africa
3) Go see a World Cup game.
4) Get married and have a family.
5) Learn another language.
6) Learn to sail.
7) Go skydiving.
8) Go scuba diving.
9) Go hunting.
10) Take a backpacking trip in the Rockies.
11) Visit Glacier Nat. Park, Yosemite, and the Grand Canyon
12) Coach a soccer team.
13) Get a master’s degree.
14) Write a book.
15) Live to see and enjoy grandkids.
16) Be satisfied that I have lived the best life I could, that I have been the best husband, father, son, brother, and friend that I knew how to be, that I have loved and served Jesus with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind, and that I have truly loved others just as much as I loved myself.

And last, but not least, #17: Live happily ever after. :-)

Things Every Person Should Do Before They Die

2008-05-08T07:29:00.000-07:00

Here are 50 things that I think every person should do before they die. I actually have a list written out on paper, and there are a lot more than 50, but I thought I'd start with 50. And I realize that not everyone will have the opportunity to do these things and that some people might not even have access to the things they'd need to complete this list. BUT....in a perfect world....every person should have the opportunity to do every single one of these things.

1) Go fishing.
2) Visit at least one other country.
3) Learn to play an instrument.
4) Attend at least one summer camp as a kid.
5) Vote.
6) Go to a music concert.
7) Take a nap in a hammock.
8) Learn to ride a bike.
9) Learn to swim.
10) Eat a milkshake.
11) Dam a creek -- make a swimming hole.
12) See a movie in theaters.
13) Make a fort (inside AND outside).
14) Have a full-out, serious pillow fight with friends.
15) Learn to shoot a gun.
16) Fall in love.
17) Play a prank.
18) Get a job.
19) Chill at home with a friend.
20) Learn to enjoy a sport and get good at it -- even if it's a quasi-sport like bowling, ping-pong, pool, canoing, hiking, or bike riding.
21) Make cookies or brownies (NOT from a mix!)
22) Eat at a restaurant.
23) Learn to make paper airplanes.
24) Make a snowman.
25) Get in a snowball fight.
26) Go camping.
27) Go skiing or snowboarding.
28) Go sledding.
29) Go to the beach.
30) Go to a good zoo.
31) Spend a day at an amusement park with friends.
32) Go sailing or boating.
33) Fly in an airplane.
34) Drive a car.
35) Drive a motorcycle.
36) Roast and eat smores.
37) Learn to shoot a rubber band (it's so sad to me when people don't know how to shoot a rubber band right...).
38) Swim in a lake or river.
39) Build a treehouse.
40) Go to a museum.
41) Receive the equivalent of at least a high school education.
42) Spend a night at a hotel.
43) Learn a second language.
44) Have a water fight (water balloons, squirt guns, the hose -- whatever).
45) Go hunting.
46) Learn to build a fire.
47) Move.
48) Play hide-and-seek.
49) Play a board game with friends.
50) See a professional sporting event.

And as a disclaimer, I haven't even done all of these things... I'm working on it. ;-) If you have any suggestions to add, I'm all ears. How many have you done?

Swallowed by the Sea

2008-05-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

Waves crashing,
Receeding,
Attacking,
Retreating,
Constant, relentless
Rhythmic beating...
In,
Out,
Up,
Down,
Churning,
Burning,
Never sound.

Thoughts flow
Like that formless
Deep,
In,
Out,
Up,
Down,
Swirling,
Mixing,
Never sound.
A constant, relentless
Rhythmic beating,
Churning,
Burning,
Crashing,
Retreating,
Fighting,
Elusive,
Chaotic,
Empty.

choked up...

2008-05-03T18:43:00.000-07:00

"How much is a human life worth?"
- Oskar, Schindler's List

What is one life worth...

To you?

When the day comes....and you see all that you were and all the time that you were given and all that you were blessed with and all the decisions that you were given to make....

.....and then you see all that you gave.....

...and all that you didn't give...

....and you see all the faces of the people you ignored....

...the people who were silently crying out...

...the people who hurt you, or were arrogant, or self-righteous, or drunks, or hard to get along with, or annoying, or cheated on you, or perhaps never did you any wrong....

...those whom you refused to eat with...

...to speak with...

..to listen to..

...when you see those people...

...and then you look full into the eyes of Jesus...

what will you see?

still alive. :-)

2008-05-01T11:14:00.000-07:00

The last 4 days have been....intense. ha. I guess it always comes down to that at the end of the year, though, huh? The good news is that next week won't be so bad -- I've only got 3 finals, and 2 of them aren't even cumulative, so that's a blessing. :-) God is good.

I'm SOO stoked for school to be done, you don't even know. haha. And it's not really even because I'm looking forward to this summer that much, but just because school NEEDS to be done. Soon. ha.

I don't really know how to feel about this summer, actually. It'll be good working at camp again, but that gets pretty crazy too, as I know from experience. It can just get tiring after a while, but it definitely has its upsides too. It's a very.......emotionally...."up-and-down" type of job. ha. But overall I think I'm looking forward to it -- it'll be nice for a change again. :-) I really hope we have another sweet staff again this year, too... And of course I'm praying everyday that God will really give me a heart for these kids and that He'll give me the strength I need everyday to wake up and show them love and speak truth into their lives. It'll be good to be back.

And overall I'm also just really glad it worked out for me to work in GR again. I can keep going to Crossroads, I'll be around my best friends, I can play on the CU men's soccer summer league, it's an environment I know, and I think it'll be a sweet summer in the end. :-D

Just one week left!! God is good. :-D

the hardest part.

2008-04-25T23:04:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching Patch Adams for the first time... What a brilliant movie. And I've been convicted... Again.

How am I working to improve the quality of life in those around me?

Even in the people whom I don't like? The people I don't get along with? The awkward people? The people who've hurt me? The people I don't trust?

....picture their faces....

Where is my heart?

How am I loving them?

Truly loving them...

dandelions.

2008-04-25T09:23:00.000-07:00

I love dandelions.

I don't know why, but for a few days now I've wanted to write about dandelions. Again, I'm not exactly sure why. Something always makes me smile when I see them. Maybe it's because they're one of the few flowers that I actually know the name of, haha. Maybe it's just because they have such a sweet name... I don't know -- something about them just reminds me of summer.

Something about them just reminds me of the simple beauty of life.

But I've heard rumors that this amazing flower isn't really considered a flower. I guess some people like to consider it a weed. Which also puzzles me. Because it quite unmistakably has a bright yellow flower on the top.

I'm not exactly sure what classifies a weed, but I guess some people will never be able to get their minds around the idea that there is beauty even in weeds. That beauty isn't always found in nice little packages wrapped in colorful, shiny paper. That there is complexity in simplicity, and that sometimes beauty can be quite terrifying. And sometimes it's mixed in with the ugly and the base and the unpolished...

And sometimes, it blooms on the top of a common weed.

a simple question

2008-04-20T20:06:00.000-07:00

What is holding you up right now?

...are you clinging to a life raft...?

or to the great I AM?

2008-04-17T19:00:00.000-07:00

What am I doing with my life???

I need to vent... I just finished watching the movie The Kite Runner... I read the book last September and I remember being left with the same impression.

It turns your stomach...

What am I doing here? Sitting in my own room..well clothed....well fed....paying $25,000 a year to attend a private university in the United States...listening to music from the Evensong team over in Daverman singing about serving Christ......IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICHIGAN!!!

not that you can't serve God in Grand Rapids, guys, but....................come on!!

what am I doing?

why me? ....why here???? Is this really what You've called me to, God??? now????

..............or am I just the biggest fool in the world.....?

....O God, have mercy on a wretched man!!

2008-04-13T11:29:00.000-07:00

I was just curious what you might think of this... I found this note in my Bible today during church from a sermon I heard in high school, and I totally forgot I had it in there, but it made me think. Here's what it says:

"So often we vehemently and self-righteously oppose things like drunkenness, adultery, idolatry, thievery, etc, when these are not really the real problems in life; these are only mere manifestations of the sickness of the soul. And the opposite is true as well -- so often we praise things like wisdom, contentedness, being a servant, kindness, generosity, etc, but these are not what Christianity is all about either -- these are only mere reflections of an intimate, loving relationship with Christ. Just like condemning a non-Christian and trying to "cure" his addiction to alcohol, for example, isn't going to save his soul, asking God to make you more generous isn't going to make you a "better" Christian.

Galatians says that "The fruit OF THE SPIRIT is love, joy, peace..." We're not supposed to seek after the FRUIT of the Spirit; we're supposed to seek after the SPIRIT in order that the fruit may be produced in our lives!! And in the same way, we shouldn't come down on non-Christians (with Christians it's a little different) for the "fruit of the world" that is being manifested in their lives, instead we should point non-Christians to the emptiness of their hearts and offer them the promise of life through Christ, so that the fruit in their life will change too!"

I don't know... I think there's some truth to that, at least, but I don't know about all of it....?? It's a little different perspective, I think..

Under my skin

2008-04-09T08:01:00.000-07:00

So I woke up in kind of a funk this morning -- you know it's going to be a bad day when you're sweet dream is interrupted by the alarm, the bathroom floor is covered with mud (from last night's slip and slide, ha), the clothes you wanted to wear are all dirty, and it's winter outside. Again. And of course I've just been loaded with homework for the last week, averaging about 5 hours of sleep for the last 5 days or so, so I was still really tired and that didn't help -- it messes with my head.

But then I just had one of those moments in chapel... I was just sitting there watching people file in and it struck me how many people were smiling. (Which, of course, got me started wondering why we smile. Have you ever thought of that? Why does our mouth, of all things, show our emotions? Why not.....our hands? Or.....our posture? Why do the corners of our mouth turn up when we're happy or open wide when we're shocked or squeeze together when we're angry? God could have made it so that we touch our ears when we're upset. Or......twist our head to the side to "laugh." Crazy, huh?)

But that's besides the point.

Anyway, I just had one of those "outside-yourself" moments and realized how much junk was going through my head, and how many worries I was hanging onto, and just saw what my attitude looked like from the outside. And I just felt Jesus right there looking me in the eyes, his hand on my shoulder, telling me, "Let it go, bro. (This is how God talks to me. haha.) Look around you. You are so blessed! You are loved!! And I've got big things for you. Let me take this from you today; let it go."

It's SO easy to get lost in the moment. To be rushed through life. To hang onto the past. To worry about tomorrow. To stress about what other's think. To get lost in yourself. And I suck at that, so much! My mind is my best friend and my worst enemy. How sad is that???

But He knows me. And He reminds me again and again, "It's alright. I'm here. I'm in control. Let it go."

He lets me trade my sorrows,
He lets me trade my pain,
He lets me trade my sickness,
He lets me trade my shame,

For the joy of the Lord that's found in Christ and the assurance of His extravagant love and guiding, sovereign right hand.

What amazing grace!! :-)

2008-04-06T12:28:00.000-07:00

So this is my favorite Psalm (if not my favorite passage in the whole Bible), and I was just re-reading it today in church because of something that was said during the sermon, and I was just overwhelmed with a feeling of God's love and protective, guiding hand in my life. So I thought I'd share it and encourage you to re-read it, if you've already read it, but just to read it slowly this time and let the words really sink in. Think about them; imagine them; picture the imagery...

God truly is an amazing God. :-)

Psalm 139

O Lord, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in -- behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand!
When I awake,
I am still with you.

If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

~

That's my prayer. Like Pastor Marvin said in the service today, "God knows us best, and He loves us most." What amazing grace. :-)

2008-04-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

Funny how things never quite go the way we plan, huh? I think God does it to keep us humble. Or at least me, that is, haha. I just spend so much time thinking and planning and dreaming, and I always get my hopes up, and I'm coming to see more and more that things rarely turn out the way I envisioned.

I think a lot of that is because I'm an idealist.

....a romantic...

And I hate to think that, because I always think it makes me sound like a teenage girl for some reason, haha, but it's so true! I'm a dreamer.

I think I'm a very emotional guy, for a guy.... You know? I mean, just in general. Is that just me?? I don't know if that's even possible, haha. It seems like it, though.

So I get in these cycles of hope and despair, dreaming and living, excitement and discouragement.... Over and over. And over. Day to day. It's a real struggle for me.

And it gets so tiring.

I think my problem is that I don't live in the moment enough. I'm too busy worrying about what I just said or planning what I'm going to say next that I lose track of what I'm doing now. I don't take time to stop... to slow down and look around..... to chill..... to take a nap.... to just take life in and be thankful, you know??? And how can I expect to be joyful when I don't take the time to be thankful? Gratitude is the foundation of joy!

I really just need to learn to give it to Him. To let go. To pray. To encourage someone. To play a game. To enjoy life.

And I need people around me who will help me with that, too, you know? People who will take me aside and just talk with me, or people who will randomly invite me to play soccer or racquetball or watch a movie or take a walk. People who will slow me down -- get my mind off myself and my schedule for once... I love those people! :-D

...because for some reason, life's a little easier to handle when you're not tackling it alone. :-)

2008-04-01T13:50:00.000-07:00

Wow. I am officially completely and totally overwhelmed.

I just found out that I have what'll probably turn out to be a 35 page paper due in the next 3 weeks that I haven't started on (I missed the first day of classes because I was sick, so I somehow managed not to be filled in on this rather large detail. lol).

Over the next two weeks I have 4 exams, a 20 minute presentation, and 3 5-8pg papers due, along with work, soccer, weight lifting, chapels, and life to balance. ::whew:: haha.

And it's still winter outside.

Posh.

::sigh::

But then I think of Jesus and Mary and Martha and how Martha was all stressed out and Mary was just sitting at the feet of Jesus -- oblivious to work and stress and deadlines -- and how Jesus told Martha to take a chill pill and settle down. He told her that Mary had "found what is necessary," and she should do the same.

And then I feel like Martha.

And just take a deep breath. And give it to Jesus.

And take a seat -- take it one day at a time.

He is in control. :-)

stories

2008-03-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to amaze me that everyone has a story. You know?? I mean, most of us go through life just experiencing our story, but then there are times when other people let you in on their experiences and it just hits you that they have a different history....different experiences...different thoughts.....different views...

Or sometimes this hits me when I'm sitting in a traffic jam or when I'm walking through a mall -- you see people all heading in different directions -- some on their cell phones, some in a rush, some deep in conversation, some arguing, and someone's eating a Whopper from Burger King, and it just hits me -- everyone's involved in their own story.

Everyone's going somewhere.

Everyone has their own schedule.

Everyone has their own worries.

Some people are frustrated, some people are laughing, others are lost in their own thoughts, and some people don't have a care in the world...

Everyone has a different story. And yet it all fits together. And no matter how well you may know someone, you will never know what it's like to be them.

It's amazing.

And yet even more amazing than that is the fact that the message of Christ meets everyone where they're at, you know?? No matter what someone's story is or how differently they view life, the one message -- the one story of Christ is just as relevant to the guy sitting in the traffic jam frustrated because he's not going to make it to work on time, as it is to the woman crying in the minivan next to him because she's on her way to her dad's funeral, as it is to the college student five cars ahead of them laughing on the phone with his girlfriend, as it is to the road worker 2 miles down the road who started the whole traffic jam in the first place.

The gospel of Christ is the master key.

It just makes me think of that verse in Ephesians: "When I think of the wisdom and scope of God's plan, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth."

It's overwhelming.

And it's beautiful. :-)

Broken Lullabies

2008-03-24T09:10:00.000-07:00

round and round,
singin that same old song,
broken lullabies
floating along.

somewhere sweet
meets somewhere sad
when roses bloom
though thorny clad,

when rainbows shine
through darkened skies,
when for a moment
eyes meet eyes.

and in my head
when dark meets light
and dawn now fades
though night is bright,

when colors mix
and right is wrong,
when I hear again
that familiar song,

I remember roses
and skies
and eyes
and thank my God
for broken lullabies.

2008-03-18T20:55:00.000-07:00

The Shallows

willow branches dragged from the waters,
blackened, leafless, lifeless...

...groaning...

rotting contortions clawing vainly at the soft sands,
desperately fighting to hold onto the comfort
of the muddy, mirky shallows.

their twisted stems stripped bare,
mere remnants of glory faded --
now beauty lost,
and death the heir!

So last summer I worked at a summer camp here in Grand Rapids, but before the kids came, the staff had some cleaning/repairing/readying to do, so we spent the first 2 weeks on the job preparing the grounds. Part of our job those 2 weeks was to clear the fallen branches from the lake beachhead so the kids could swim there once camp started. Anyway, on this sandy shore there were two HUGE willow trees, and over the course of the seasons, they had dropped many of their vine-like branches into the shallow water by the shore, thus causing the whole beachhead to be littered with dead branches.

Needless to say, we spent several hours cleaning off the beach itself, and after that, spent a day or more searching through the shallow water, pulling out all of the half-decayed, mud-covered, rotting branches that now lie on the bottom of the lake. It was kinda gross. lol. Anyway, an image has stuck with me even now, almost a year later, of looking behind me as I drug a handful of these 10 ft long black, tangled, whip-like branches behind me to be burned. So I wrote a poem about it. It's a powerful image, really -- an image of these lifeless, decayed branches, somehow still desperately clawing at the sand -- resisting this sudden change... clawing desperately to return to their "comfort zone" in the dark murky waters at the bottom of the lake...

Not remembering what it was like to be full of life.

To sway in the breeze on a summer day and feel the sun and drink the nutrients from the earth.

It was as if they were content to live in that state of perpetual lifelessness at the bottom of the lake.

.......content.....

life was easy down there... no changes, no storms, no growth, no risks..... but they couldn't even see rotten, twisted contortion they had become -- not because of any "sinful" choices they had made.... but because they were content to "live" that way... to sit. to take the easy way. to give in.. to sleep...

until one day.....without warning...these were suddenly uprooted and burned...

"He who has an ear, let him hear..."

"...You put a song in my soul when You made me!!"

2008-03-16T20:37:00.000-07:00

Alas, that time has come, and spring break is over... ::sigh:: but, thank God, I had an amazing break - with plenty of rest and good food - and I made it back up to GR safely a few hours ago. :-) PTL!!

Anyway, on Saturday I had a couple hours to kill while I was waiting to pick up my grandpa from dialysis at the hospital, and I found myself over at Hastings (a Barnes and Nobles type store) browsing through the books. I could spend days in bookstores... Days. lol. Well anyway, I came across a copy of Rob Bell's Sex God, and, having heard a lot of good things about this book, I picked it up and started looking through it. After about an hour I couldn't put it down, so I decided to buy it. To be honest, I've never been all that impressed with Rob Bell (never did get into Velvet Elvis, and his sermons, though solid, have never seemed like anything too special to me...), but this book has blown me away. I'm about 3/4 of the way through it right now, and every new page impresses me more. God has really just spoken powerfully into my life over this spring break through several people and circumstances, but this book has definitely been the climax -- I don't know if it's just because of where I am that I've been so impacted, or if it's just that good of a book, but either way God has used it to shake me up some and really speak some truth into my life.

Much of Rob Bell's argument is similar to that of Don Miller in his book Searching for God Knows What, but Rob Bell explores some different possibilities with the material. He makes connections between the Fall and man's deep need to be sexual (as Rob would define it: man's desire to be whole, or connected, or complete - both between God and to fellow man - as he was originally designed to be in the presence of God), he focuses on Scripture analogies that paint God as a faithful lover (rather than Great Judge, Father, King, etc.), and explores the spiritual importance of gratitude and contentedness in the Christian's walk with God. Obviously I could go on talking about all this for hours and hours, but I'll spare you the time and instead just say, "If you haven't read this book, take a look at it, and if you have read this book, read it again." haha. Good stuff. :-)

Anyway, that's been me. This week I guess it's back to the chopping block - back to homework and practice and routines and schedules, but hey, that's life, right? May as well make the most of it! :-D Even though I'm not thrilled about starting school again, God really just has done an amazing work in my heart this week, and I've been so encouraged, so that I can honestly say that, in spite of the circumstances, I am alive and well, I've been refreshed, and I'm excited for another new day -- "it is well with my soul." :-)

....Great is THY faithfulness....
"Tú me perdonas,
Me impartes el gozo;
Tierno me guías por sendas de paz.
Tú compasión y bondad nunca fallan,
Y por los siglos siempre serás.

O, Tú fidelidad; O, Tú fidelidad,
Cada momento la veo en mí.
Nada me falta, pues todo proveés --

Grande, Señor, es Tú fidelidad!!!" :-)

Down in K-Tuck

2008-03-12T19:16:00.000-07:00

Life is good. :-) Got down to KY safely last night (and all the snow is MELTED!! WOOHOO!!!), got caught up with the grandparents a bit, took a much needed shower, and went to bed. Woke up this morning to the smell of homemade biscuits and gravy (grandmother knows me WAY too well, haha), sat around the table talking for a bit, and then headed outside to help grandfather with some house work in the beautiful 60 degree sunny weather.

Grandfather's now working on adding an extension to the gazeebo over the pond, so I volunteered to help him load and unload a couple truckloads of rock from the neighbor. And let's just say that maybe it was God's plan that I actually start working out regularly at CU over the last month, because we quit working at 6 and it's 10 now, and my legs STILL feel like jell-o... lol. We only worked for about 5 hours, but some of those rocks are close to 150 pounds, and they're all laying flat on the ground, so you have to squat down and use your legs to get them on the truck -- basically it was like doing squats......for 5 hours straight. haha. But it was good to get dirty again (the ground, and rocks, were still really muddy from the snow melting), and it always makes you proud at the end of the day to know you worked your butt off.

....Unless we're talking about homework........ ;-D

Anyway, then my cousins came over (haha, I had to laugh - the two boys, 15 and 13 yrs old, both walked over from their house a mile away, brought their dog, and both of them were carrying their guns -- "you know you're in K-Tuck when....." lol) and we took the motorcycles out for a spin, so that was sweet - the weather was perfect.

Came back, had dinner with the cousins and fam, played some games, and now I'm just chillin' before bed again. Probably a similar routine tomorrow, except they're calling for 70 degrees. :-D Then I'm heading down to Richmond to see my other grandparents on Friday, and I'll be down there till Sunday, when I head back up.

Oh, spring break: I love you. :-)

2008-03-09T12:13:00.001-07:00

I just keep coming back to what Don Miller has to say about human personality since the Fall in the Garden of Eden. Basically, his theory is that before the Fall, God existed in close, intimate relationship with man, and that the intimacy of His love and care affirmed His creation, and both God and man lived and loved and were completely content. But when Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, it was no longer possible for the perfect, holy Creator to exist in such close relationship with His now fallen creation, and that relationship was broken, and the peace and affirmation that man and woman once received from God was now gone. And Moses paints a perfect picture of the implications of this change when he makes the casual side note in Genesis 3: "At that moment, their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness." Adam and Eve could no longer receive the affirmation from God that they had previously received, and in the absence of this affirmation, for the first time in their lives, they looked to each other for that affirmation, and it was then that they realized their differences and were ashamed.

And this simple concept still affects us SO deeply today: we humans are OBSESSED with comparing ourselves to each other! We constantly, often subconsciously, look at others and judge -- we judge them by the way they dress, the way they speak, the activities they take part in, the friends they have, their sense of humor, their intelligence (or lack thereof), and the list only goes on! We are obsessed with ranking ourselves, and even in this supposedly free society of America where we believe that all men are created equal, we are constantly finding ways to create classes and hierarchies among our peers. And we derive our self-image and self-esteem from how we rank on the charts. And this is SO far from what Christ preached, yet it is the global, fallen culture we live in, and it is, I believe, the root perversion and central lie that is the father of all forms of evil.

If everyone derived their self-worth from a perfect peace in knowing that they were accepted and loved by the only all-powerful, sovereign God of the universe, there would be no need for this comparison -- there would be no place for envy or rudeness or selfishness or pride or thievery or murder or greed. And, conversely, these sins are manifestations of the vacuum in our own souls -- of the need for affirmation, love, attention, and someone to take pride in us.

Every person is crying out for this hole to be filled in their life, and people seek to fill it through different means -- whether through sports or fashion or art or romance or popularity -- everyone is crying out to be loved and accepted for who they are.

And this is why community is so important! We are relational creatures; it's the essence of what separates us from the rest of creation! Without community -- without openness and honesty and the ability to relate closely with other people and hear and share and cry and laugh and talk and pray, we are nothing! Jesus said that our purpose on Earth -- the best and most important thing that we can do with our lives is to love God by loving others.

How are you showing others that love? Do you actively care about the struggles of your peers? Anyone can love a friend -- how are you loving those you don't get along with? What are you doing to get outside yourself and show the sacrificing, selfless love of Jesus to others? What are you giving up? How are you sacrificing?

And if it doesn't hurt you to love -- if it isn't in some way uncomfortable and even painful for you to live as you were called -- to be Christ to those around you -- are you really being Christ at all? Think about it.

beginnings

2008-03-08T21:22:00.000-08:00

So I've been realizing lately how important it is for me (as a verbal processor) to be able to get all the thoughts in my head out in the open, whether that's through conversation or poetry or journaling, and so in a moment of original inspiration (no, actually that's a lie, haha -- I was reading a friend's Xanga, and I was like, "Why aren't I still journaling?"), I decided to give this whole blogging deal another run. :-)

I guess actually tonight there's not a whole lot on my mind, except that I just started listening to DC Talk's "Greatest Hits" album for the first time in.......ages. Haha. I think it's probably one of my all-time favorite albums -- some of these songs never get old and they bring back SO many memories.... It's funny how certain songs or phrases or even smells can sometimes bring back memories like that or take you back to specific moments in time as well as any picture could...

Memory.......what a beautiful thing, huh? I think sometimes it's easy to curse memory... And I think that, for some reason, we tend to dwell on negative memories, but think what life would be like without memory! Can you imagine that?? There would be no point in schooling, no foundation for relationships, no possibilities for personal improvement and maturity, and ultimately, no room for dreaming. Life without memory -- good memories AND bad memories -- would be........lifeless.

It all just reminds me of C.S. Lewis' quote: "It seems to me that we often, almost sulkily, reject the good that God offers us because, at the moment, we expected some other good." It's something I know I struggle with, for sure -- it's so easy for me to get wrapped up in my plans and hopes and expectations, and then to sulk and complain when things don't go as I had hoped. And it's easy to look back at the past and feel regret or look to the future and worry, but what C.S. Lewis was saying is that sometimes it just takes a shift in our attitude to see beauty and blessing in brokenness -- to see an eternal, victorious plan in the form of a dead man on a cross. And sometimes it takes time, and sometimes you don't ever see that blessing.. And that's when Jesus smiles and patiently puts his hand on your shoulder and looks you in the eyes and says, "My son, where is your faith?"